Divorcing the In-Laws

So… I am the one who blogged “Bad Dream Wedding, Nightmare Honeymoon” back in January. It has been 6 months since I got married and I sadly report that the In-Laws have struck again, so I have finally decided to divorce them.

Here is how everything unraveled…
 
Just to give you some background information, MIL has a housekeeper who has worked for her for over 10 years. That lady used to clean my house once a week. One day I asked her if she would please iron my husband’s shirts since she had not done so in over 3 weeks. She told me that I had no right to give her orders and asked me who do I think I am. I responded (very diplomatically since she was my MIL’s maid) that I was the lady of the house now and all I was asking for was respect. The housekeeper told me I was an intruder and a fake and when I asked her to leave my house she almost slapped me. Only after I asked my husband to tell her to leave is when she did. She would not leave unless my husband gave her the order.

After that incident the only one who offered support was FIL. MIL knew all about it but did nothing, she never spoke to me about it. I let it go, and continued as if nothing had happened.
 
SO….
 
Last week FIL and Hubbyasked me to go to the in laws home to fetch a document for them. When I got there only the housekeeper was there. She saw me and ignored me, but when I asked where the document FIL needed was she screamed “By the table!”. I responded that she need not yell and that she needed to show me respect. The housekeeper came up to me and “got in my face” telling me who do you think you are, telling me I play the good girl card to the family but she will expose me as a fake. I stopped her in her tracks and told her that she had to stop speaking to me that way and I demanded respect as a human being and as my husband’s wife; that she is being paid to clean not to attack me. I got so mad that I yelled to myself “who does this &%^$# maid think she is?!” (I recognize I did wrong here). I stormed downstairs to grab my things and leave, when she comes from behind and hits me in the back. This is while I’m walking downstairs, so I almost fell, then she passes me in the stairs slamming me against the wall, and she runs to the phone.
 
Although she hit me, I did not touch her ONLY because I knew that this woman is 2 months pregnant. I left and called my husband to let him know I had been physically attacked by this crazy woman. He assured me that he would take care of this situation. In the meantime my two SIL started calling me and my husband insulting us with the most vicious and vulgar language you could imagine. Apparently the housekeeper told them that I had gone to their home to insult and hit her. SILs swore on their mother’s grave that they would not stop until they destroyed me, they insulted my family and just let go of all their vile on me and my husband. I said nothing and just asked them to not call me again.
 
FIL supports us 100% but he has no control over what happens in his home. MIL has not said a word to me but takes the housekeeper’s and SIL’s side. I for one have decided not to go to their home again while that woman works there, for I feel I am in danger. It kind of feels good not to put up with all the hate so I might as well just keep away all together…
 
Please tell me what you think, I don’t know what to do… Thoughts?

In-Law Complaint By Proxy

I am going to complain about my family on my husband’s behalf. This complaint involves a SIL, a BIL, and a AIL (aunt).

First off, I have been wanting a break from my aunt for awhile. She is my (dead) dad’s childless older sister. She wants to visit my toddler every Sunday. My husband and I both work long hours and really cherish our weekends. It is kind of pain to have her come over for two hours every Sunday and interrupt our family time. We also don’t want her to take the kid for two hours because we want to spend time with the kid.

Anyway, my aunt got her kid time in on Saturday this weekend because I was having a garage sale, so I told her she could go with my husband to the kid’s swim lesson to help him out. She did and then she spent a considerable amount of time at the house afterwards. I was safe in the driveway, but my poor husband had his free time encroached upon.

My mom normally has family dinner on Sunday but it was canceled this week. I was a little bummed because I had been thinking that would be a good time to visit with my step-brother who is in town. So, my mom ended up inviting just us over. My sister and BIL were taking the aunt to dinner and a movie that night and my step-sister had been over the day before, so we were looking forward to a low-key evening with just my parents and my step-brother.

Since my sister had plans during family dinner time, she wanted to come over to our house earlier in the day to visit with the kid since they wouldn’t have seen her all week. I told my sister that we were pretty busy and I hadn’t firmed up times for a couple things, so I would have to let her know. She let me know that early morning and mid-afternoon would work well with her schedule. I laughed and told her we don’t want morning visitors. She got more specific and said, “Ok, we can come over from 3-4.” I told her I would let her know.

We ended up being busy until 3:50 on Sunday. I called my sister because I said I would, even though I knew she probably wouldn’t be able to do anything about it, and told her that we would be going over to my parents’ house shortly and if she wanted to visit the kid, she could do it there. She couldn’t, of course, because of the movie time.

We had the nice, enjoyable, low-key evening we were expecting at my parents’ house. After dinner, we were hanging out in the family room. The men were watching the Lakers game. My mom was in the kitchen making Amish friendship bread. I was looking through sales fliers and the kid was playing quietly on the floor. Then, my sister, BIL, and aunt showed up and everything went to shit.

There weren’t enough seats in the family room for everyone, so my sister brought in some folding chairs. It was instantly crowded and noisy. My BIL took the kid out in the backyard and got her all riled up and let her get into the pool toys and bring them in the house. My sister and aunt talked through the whole game, pissing off my step-dad and my step-brother (he went out front to make calls on his cell phone to get away). My aunt called my kid “unsociable” because the kid wanted to play with what she wanted to play with and wouldn’t come over to the aunt’s chair whenever the aunt wanted her to. Also, my aunt kept torturing my kid by trying to hold her when she didn’t want to be held, and make her give my aunt hugs and kisses when she didn’t want to, which totally pisses me off because she just keeps insisting long after it is apparent that the kid isn’t going to give in.

So, it was finally coming to an end, they were heading out to a restaurant for dinner. I heard the kid whining in the other room and my aunt saying, “Give me kiss.” I yelled, “Quit torturing her!” A minute later my aunt walked into the family room and said, “Well, that wasn’t any fun.” I assumed she was referring to stopping by uninvited* to visit the kid and the kid not obeying her every command, and I said, “She wasn’t put on this planet to entertain you.” Before I even got my sentence out, my husband said, “She’s not your plaything.” My aunt said, “I never said she was!” got mad and stormed out.

I don’t think she’s ever stormed out on me before or got mad at me like that, so I was a little shocked, but I was still more irritated by the whole visit than anything else, so I wasn’t really sorry about it. Now, I do feel a little guilty, but maybe I can get a break from her for awhile.

*After they left, I found out that my sister had called while my mom was in the kitchen after dinner to ask if we were still there and if they could come over. I told my mom that a little heads up would have been nice. I don’t like being forced to visit with people against my will.

-Irritated with My Husband’s In-Laws

“My baaaabeeeee!”

[My MIL] wailed in the bathroom at my wedding reception that she has just loooooost her baaaaaaaaaby…. 

And she rolled her eyes when my husband said he was so proud to be my man at our rehearsal dinner… 

And boy was she angry with me when I didn’t ask my SIL to be a bridesmaid…she told my then-fiance, “if your wife-to-be would have been a big enough person to ask your sister to be a BM, I had convinced her to be a big enough person to say actually say yes.” 

And at my wedding, standing there in my dress, as the Bride, I see her for the first time and say, “MIL, you look beautiful!” And she says, “thank you.” I reach out to hug her, and her hands stay firmly at her sides. 

Witch.

I wanted to XBox her in the face.

My husband and I were newly engaged and it was the week before his birthday.  Wanting to completely surprise him and knock his socks off, I decided to get him the new electronic game system he’d been coveting since it’s release, an XBox*.  I went to Best Buy on my lunch break from work and they said they apologized, but were out of the system.  More would be arriving on Sunday.  My husbands’ birthday was on Tuesday, so I decided I’d stop by on Monday, pick up the game, wrap it at work, and have it under our bed on Tuesday morning.  I envisioned waking up and telling him to look under the bed for a surprise.  He was going to be SO excited that it made me SO excited.

So Saturday arrives, and my ILs come to visit their son.  While alone in the car with them for a moment I excitedly say, “I figured out what I’m going to get J* for his birthday!  An XBox*!!”  My MIL exclaimed, “Ooooh, that’s a great gift.  We should go halves on that.” 

Huh?

I was a little dumbfounded, but figured – whatever, she’ll leave town and I’ll get the gift and if she later wants to send me half the cost or something I’ll still get to surprise J*, and that’s what matters.  Don’t make too big a deal out of it.  Even though my hands started to sweat.

Later that day, at lunch, she says in front of my husband that “we should run over to Best Buy to pick up your preeeeesent…”  At this point, I’m fuming because that was enough of a hint to have my man suspicious, but also because I knew they were out of the game system until the next day, but how do I tell her that with my husband sitting right there?  Confused, my husband looks to me…I think I asked him to pass the salt or something…my hands wringing in my lap.

Somehow it gets dropped.  As we head out to the car though, having decided that it was time for them to head home, and us to go get ready for dinner reservations we had later that night, she tells us, “hold on a sec,” gets into her purse, and starts writing a check.  Oh, okay…so maybe she’s going to give me a check to help cover the cost?  I’m still peeved that the Best Buy hint has been given, and that half my credit is gone, but again – I’m thrilled if I get to surprise him on his actual birthday three days away still.

Hand outstretched, she hands the check to J* and says, “Here!  We’re buying you an Xbox!”

His face lit up.  He hugged his mom, “Thank you SO much, mom!”  Graciously (**eye roll**), she says, “It’s from us, all of us.”  He looks at me, “Really?  Aww, thank you sweetie.”  I pathetically wimper…”They’re…umm…out of stock…umm…until Sunday…so, um, we can go tomorrow if you want…”

Everyone hugs goodbye.  We get into our car, J* hands me the check – it’s in the amount of the total cost of the Xbox*…my husband is beaming…I burst into tears.

It took several shots of Vodka, a lot of crying and explaining and wailing, and what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-that-woman-ing to get me to calm down enough to enjoy our dinner out.

I ended up having nothing to give him for his bday.  It’s been 2 years.  I’m still bitter.

He still doesn’t have an Xbox*.

* Some names have been changed to protect the innocent gaming device.

My In-Laws Are the Spawn of Satan: Chapter 3 “You love each other and that is all that counts. Oh, and his failing to give me one minute of his time.”

I think you misread what I wanted to say to you. 

1.  Son-IL could have come home for 1 minute to say hello when FIL and I came to your house. 

2.  YOU are a mother now and will want only wonderful and productive things for your son besides of course health and wisdom and success.  That is what I hoped for my children and I will ALWAYS be your mother and there when you need me…that will not change.  Unfortunately, I was embarrassed Son-IL did not have a minute to say hello to me when we came to town.  I truly hope my grandson never does that to an in law when he marries as it is hurtful….done, though. 

3.  As far as the wedding…forget it.  It will save me an airfare and an extra room.  Also, I will not bring it up again because I know you do not want to go……too much on your plate.  You will have to tell the family because I will not….too embarrassed after what LMN’s kids are pulling.  Someday when grandson gets married you will understand as his mother. 

4.  Sorry to be so blunt but I have been holding this in for a long time.  I love you, Daughter and always will…just do not like some of the things you have chosen for yourself………not Son-IL if that is what you think.  You love each other and that is all that counts.

 5.  One more thing…….I will not go out of my way for Son-IL anymore as he could not find 5 minutes for me this last trip after schlepping out to town and of course getting lost except for the fixing the computer which I paid him for. I have done more for Son-IL than the normal mother in law and I ALWAYS wind up on the wrong side of any issue. I am simply too old for the disappointment and let downs.  It is not the $$……I would sell my jewelry if you were on the street and you know that and Son-IL did not find 5 minutes to say hello so I did not need to be embarrassed.

Oh well.

I LOVE YOU AND GIVE KISSES AND HUGS TO [GRANDSON] FOR ME.  I HUNG HIS PICS ALL OVER…HE IS REALLY CUTE.

I LOVE YOU,

MOM

My In-Laws Are the Spawn of Satan: Chapter 2 “Passive-Aggressive Shaming”

Hi,

I am punishing myself too that I taught you that everything is about XYZ.  You have a father and mother as well.  I cannot tell you how embarrassed I am that my child cannot come to a family wedding for 24 hours. Yes, I know school starts 10 days later and of course you will be away from XYZ for 24 hours.  However, I have never turned you down on any issue and my brother will be very upset the family is not there.  You have to do what you have to do and I am not telling you “no wedding…no rent”.  I am telling you I am ashamed of myself and your father for not teaching you that favors go both ways.  I will help you this month and that is it.

I love you and need you in my life and you can be as angry as you wish……I am not only angry on many issues but feel so let down that I did not teach you that if you are given you must give back.  Teach XYZ PLEASE what I have told you….family comes first and to think ahead, I love you and will let you know how we want to pay the rent this month.

Mom

Send me the name and address as to where the rent should go.  I will mail the $ .   I am not ASHAMED OF  you…just some of your decisions.  I was angry about you not wanting to make the time to go and said those foolish words to you………………you know I want you there.  You can come in Sat. Morn and drive  my car up there yourself (We are leaving Fri.)  and then drive back Sunday Morn and go home……24 hours.

I AM NOT ASHAMED OF YOU…..Do not put words in my mouth.  Perhaps you give back but not to me on issues you know damn well are important to me.

I love you

Be well,

Mom

My In-Laws Are the Spawn of Satan: Chapter 1

My wife and I have been married 2 1/2 years and have a beautiful 2 month old baby and her parents and brother have done nothing but cause chaos, try to destroy our marriage, keep my wife crying by the things they say to her. I am convinced that they are 100% pure evil. The are the most self centered, crazy, disgusting people I have ever witnessed. They are the definition of a inner-meshed family.

The father is a 70 year old, washed up, real estate agent who has no spine and lets his sick, pathetic, control freak of a wife control. The MIL is BEYOND EVIL. She sits and smokes in bed with her husband who has heart surgery. She stays up for days making up insane scenarios in her head. She doesn’t eat and she has not seen a doctor in 5+ years. She is the most hateful person. She has a son from her 1st marriage who is a complete loser. You’re talking about a guy who is 41, has 2 kid,s a non working wife, 2 cars and has no job. He lives a lap of luxury life off the mother. They constantly buy him $5000 watches $7000 camera’s vacations, clothes, food, mortgage and car payments, but my wife asks for a loan of a few hundred bucks and Satan has risen from her grave.

The evil in laws liked me up until the day we got engaged and at that point everything changed. I guess you can say their true colors came out.

As with alot of people, my wife and I have had a rough couple of years financially to say the least. Her parents have helped us out, but it never comes from a place of giving to help their children. It comes with, pain, suffering, and strings attached. I have succumbed to the point of I’d rather be homeless then receive their help. They think I am trying to scam them for money, so I can live for free, but what they don’t understand is before I met them I was living just fine.

My wife’s wacko family is convinced that I am trying to steal their daughter and I have her under “my spell”. Her family has referred to her as a heroin addict and I am the heroin. They refer to me – their wife’s husband - as a “cancer”, “virus”, ” fat f**k” (I am overweight I can admit), “loser”, “scum bag”, and at one point her father has called me a “mother f*****g lying crook thief”. THIS COMES FROM A 70 YEAR OLD MAN!!!

These people do everything in their power to make out marriage and love for each other so filled with negative disgusting sludge, I am at a loss for words These people are full of pure hatred and evil, I do not claim that I am Mr-never-do-anything-wrong. I am guilty of making some band decisions, and I have apologized for them.

These sick people make things up and demand apologies. They say the most despicable things not only to their daughter’s husband but to their own daughter. I am so disturbed by these people I went through my wedding pictures on my computer and removed them from the pictures. The mere sight, sound, thought gives me the chills and creeps.

I am sure everyone has run into someone before where you just feel pure evil seeping from them and that is what I feel on a daily basis with them. I believe that my wife deep down knows how horrible they are but holds on to the hope that they will change. Where these people come from and the hatred they carry is not reversible in my opinion, but yet I am respectful when I am forced to see them and I am the fool who gives in. I have been trying to set a barrier around myself so they cannot continue to effect me in the negative way they have.

If you continue to read below [editor's note: next several chapters], I am going to include some emails they have been written to my wife between each other and to me. I know people have crappy in laws, but I want to show that when it comes to evil, disgusting, pathetic in laws and their immediate family, I win and it’s not a “good win”.

Oh, why do I dislike them? Let me tell the ways.

I have been married to my DH for almost 10 years now.  I have disliked his family from the moment we returned from our honeymoon.  We decided to elope and have a reception later, as we were a bit older than the usual crowd that marries in their early 20’s.  My DH was 26 and I was 28.  His MIL decided that she wanted input on the reception we were throwing.  We were paying for the event ourselves and did not ask for any money from my DH’s parents.

She was so upset that he was following the list I had given him to use at the store (we had worked out what we wanted the night before in the way of food and decorations) that she actually left him at the store.  She stormed off and drove away because he wasn’t “taking her advice” and he was being an “idiot.” 

He called me and told me what was going on and I was really surprised because she seemed like such a nice person.  I couldn’t have been more wrong.  She dominated the party and at that moment I realized she would never approve of me as a wife, and she would never treat him like an adult.

This situation worsened over the years.  My MIL tried to take over my kitchen and teach me how her “boys” liked their fruit cut and their stew made.  I never cooked for them again at my house.  We always go out to eat now. 

And when my child was born, she started trying to tell me how to be a parent.  That is when I put my foot down and told her to just leave me alone. 

But the worse offenses actually come from my FIL.  He throws tantrums and refuses to speak to us for days.  He hangs up the phone if the conversation isn’t going the way he planned and he is extremely selfish and spoiled. 

My FIL came down a few weeks ago and absolutely devastated my DH.  He visited for a few minutes and then left after promising to hang out for a few days more.    Realize, we live several states away so it wasn’t like my DH could just hop in a car and go see him.  My FIL didn’t even give a reason as to why he left so suddenly and when we asked that he give us a call that night, we heard nothing.  We assume he made it okay because we haven’t been called about a funeral, but he still hasn’t called us.

Oh, that is another thing… they don’t call us and tell us when people die or when wedding are occurring, because “You just live too far away.”  That is our punishment for moving out of state.  They are extremely vindictive.

I have decided that I am no longer going to send them photos of our child via email or call or keep in contact with them at all.  You cannot reward bad behavior.  It is all going to fall on my DH’s shoulder.  We will visit for Christmas and Easter.  Beyond that, I don’t think we will have further contact.

They have completely pushed me to my breaking point.  I have never dealt with such selfish or mean people in my life.

Topic of Concern (*air quotes*)

I need to vent!

I’ve been married to my DH for almost 15 years.  We have 2 great (I mean GREAT) kids – boy 11 and girl 7.  I stay at home and enjoy teaching my kids to become kind, upstanding, resourceful, respectable, independent future adults. 

My MIL, FIL, and 2 SILs and their 2 husbands seem like upstanding, loving, concerned people on the surface.  I think it’s a show.  They talk about each other behind each other’s backs under the guise that they’re “concerned” about whomever is the topic of the moment. 

I’m often told how I’m equal to the other children in the family and my opinions matter but when I give my 2 cents, unless it’s what they want to hear, I’m punished for it and so is DH.

Years ago, one SIL (age 22) was contemplating adopting a 6 year old child currently in foster care and with many emotional issues.  MIL and FIL made this a topic of choice whenever SIL wasn’t around – much concern, too young, not experienced with how to help an emotionally scarred child, etc… much wringing of hands as to what to do.  They seemed genuinely distressed and worried for her. 

I have experience with adoption of an emotionally scarred 6 year old child (my own younger brother).  I grew up watching my two very well educated, financially sound, well meaning, experienced parents try to help my brother grow up as well adjusted as possible given that his first 6 years of life were hell.  It was a very large strain on their marriage and our life as a family.  I thought this information might be helpful to SIL, especially since she would be a single mom, young and fresh out of college with very little real life experience or a bank account (for therapy) to draw on.  I relayed some of the trying moments and years my parents faced with my brother.  I thought my sharing my experience would be appreciated by FIL and MIL, if no-one else.  Dumb move on my part.  She didn’t want to hear it.  It “upset her” that I would talk to her like that.  She stopped speaking to me and ranted at MIL, FIL and DH about how “hurt” she felt.  MIL, FIL, and SIL2 declared me “insensitive.”  DH supported me but took lumps for it.  To this day, if I say anything they don’t want to hear, they remind him of my “insensitivity.”

Well, SIL did adopt this child (Nephew1).  Then, she married a BIL1 who really didn’t want to raise Nephew1.  Nephew1 has lived in group homes the last 8 years (he’s 20 now) under state care on the other side of the country from SIL and BIL and their since born children.  FIL and MIL raise this as a “topic of concern” when SIL and BIL are not around.  I say as little as possible.  They want to know why I’m so distant. “Why doesn’t she like us?” they ask.

At last year’s New Year’s Dinner, SIL and BIL skipped the family dinner and went to a hotel to celebrate their anniversary.  MIL asked one of their children to call them to ask permission for something.  SIL yelled at MIL over the phone for interrupting her and her husband while they were having sex.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, FIL thought it appropriate to  relay the whole story to the rest of the family (me, DH, SIL and her husband AND SOME GRANDKIDS!).  Remember, this is FIL’s daughter he’s talking about!  What topic would he be willing to raise about a lowly daughter-in-law?!  I did not open my big mouth.  They asked DH why I was so quiet and not willing to engage with them. They asked if I was depressed.  Suggested I talk to someone.

When SIL2 and BIL2 aren’t around the “Topic of Concern” is BIL2’s temper.  They see MIL and FIL the most often and I think he just has to let off steam at times. For the most part, they agree wholeheartedly with MIL and FIL’s opinions on “Topics of Concern.”  It’s a little sickening.  Again, I try to say as little as possible. 

MIL, FIL, SIL and SIL2 repeatedly, together and separate, ask DH what my problem is.  They want to know why I don’t “open up” to them about the intricacies of my life. I’m just guessing, but I’m pretty sure when I’m not around, this a “Topic of Concern.” 

I try to chuckle about it sometimes but it affects DH.  This is his family – the people he knew his whole life.  He’s the oldest.  He wants his parents to be pleased with him.  He can’t win because I can’t win with them.  He’s a really good guy.  He wants to “do the right thing” but what is that in this situation?

Just last night, SIL2 told him over the phone that he doesn’t appreciate their parents enough.  She essentially said I have influenced him in his negative thoughts about MIL and FIL as grandparents (they’re very hands off and neither DH or I appreciate driving many hours to visit them only to have them say they’re off to a party or lecture or one of the other countless “adults only” events they go to).  We’re both fed up with MIL and FIL promising outings to the kids only for them to bow out and then we “make it up” to the kids with our own outing.  I do not say this to MIL, FIL, SIL or SIL2.  I keep my mouth shut.

Thank God we only see these people 3-4 times a year.   DH was upset after his SIL2 told him he’s too hard on MIL and FIL.  Apparently, I’ve been insensitive again.  I asked how.  I don’t “open to them.” They “feel” I’m distanced.  DH wants me to fix this.  Any advice?

Prepubescent SIL

I have six months old twins. My parents live half an hour away and my In-Laws live fifteen minutes away. I have an eight year old SIL who is obnoxious, rude, and an all-around-brat. She feels like she can yell at my babies when they spit their binky’s out or when they are crying too loud for her to hear her computer game. And no one says a thing! Her parents will sit right there and let her do it, and I don’t feel like I can yell at her because she’s not my child and I wouldn’t be respecting them if I did.

I let my boys stay over at my parents’ house often and stay nights sometimes too. They are very comfortable with them and I have two older sisters that still live at home to help them out if they need anything. My husband’s parents ALWAYS want to watch them and I don’t want them to since it causes problems between my husband and I when I tell him that I just don’t trust them with the babies or that they aren’t comfortable enough with them yet, or heaven forbid I say anything about is “angel sweet” sister, and how if his parents can’t watch their own eight year old, how am i supposed to trust them with my two six month olds??!!!!

Paybacks

It’s been relatively quiet here on the homefront since my inlaws stopped talking to me in Aug 08. My husband’s maternal grandmother passed away in October 07. In her will she allotted $5,000 to hubby AND me, $3,000 for my husband’s daughter and my son, but not my daughter (which I completely understand). MIL is the executrix to the will.

In November 2007, we were having some $$ problems and FIL wrote my hubby a cheque for $5,000, and said “it’s a gift. We have given your brother so much, this is the least we can do for you.” We never asked them for a penny!

So now the probate is done, and we get an email from MIL saying that we HAVE TO sign over the money we inherited to them to pay back FIL!  We were going to take the money and put $3,000 away for my daughter and split the extra $2,000 into education funds for our 3 children.

I knew they were petty and immature, but this takes the cake!

Just a Jigger

My 7 month old daughter is teething big time. We do what we can to make her comfortable: teethers, cold wash rags, maybe even a bit of tylenol at night to help her sleep, but we try not to keep her doped up.

MIL was over to see the baby, and she asks, “Can’t you give her anything for that teething?” in a rather accusatory tone.

“We have some cold teethers…” I answered and started for the fridge.

“That’s not going to work. Give her some schnapps.”

“Um, we don’t have any.”

“Then you need to get some!”

I think we’ll stick to teethers and tylenol, but I didn’t bother telling her that.

WIPING AWAY THE COBWEBS

It’s me again, The Sane In-Law, asking for you to come forth with your in-law stories. I know you have them since there are plenty of hits here coming via such serch terms, “My MIL drives me crazy,” “My SIL is a bitch,” “My in-laws are sucking the life out of me,” (I paraphrase).

This poor little blog needs a little dusting. While at the beginning, it was one of the rising stars under wordpress…this blog? She now be fading away like those nasty plastic flowers you MIL glued to the TP cozy in the guest bathroom.

Take it as a challenge. Submit that story you just have to get off your chest about your MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL, etc. Don’t have one, then send out a call on your blogs to your readers. Send the stories to inlawssuck@yahoo.com. They’ll be published anonymously UNLESS you want me to give you (or if you have a blog) credit. Something new I’m going to try out.

One Ringy-dingy; Two Ringy-dingy

I met my husband in a weird way. We played an on-line game called, World of Warcraft. We talked awhile before we became more than online friends. While we were getting to know each other better. My DH asked me one day while online if I would marry him. I said yes.

While we were talking I emailed him a picture of a ring I really wanted. He told me no problem and bought me the ring. Couple of weeks later the ring arrives at his house. There was only one problem. I was in Illinois, he lived in Texas. So we planned that he’d come to Chicago and propose to me a second time in person with the ring.

I get a phone call a couple of days before he comes up. He goes ” Honey, I got some bad news.” I’m thinking he doesn’t have enough money to see me. He goes, “My mom saw the engagement ring set, and took it back to the jeweler.” I saw red. I go, ”Why did she do that?” He told me my now-MIL had two engagement ring sets: one a big, two carat, flawed diamond. Ew! A one carat flawless diamond but the catch is there was no wedding band. This ring is made funny it needs a special wedding band. I was heart broken. 

I had to choose between huge diamond FLAWED ring or perfect diamond, ugly setting, engagement ring. So I picked out the ugly setting. I’ve been married to my loving husband for one year, and I will never forgive my MIL.

Taking It On the Road

Saw this today on Her Bad Mother’s Basement.

I think many of us can certainly relate.

Bad Dream Wedding, Nightmare Honeymoon

We decided to get married 5 days before Christmas so that all of our foreign families could fly in and spend the wedding plus the holidays together. I was planning the wedding and my parents, his parents and us paid for it. MIL and FIL wanted something very lavish while my parents wanted something simpler because they don’t have the money. In-laws had been timely in delivering the money they had promised for the wedding until 3 days before when they were still missing 30% of what they had promised. I received a very rude call saying that they felt they should not give any more money than they had given because what they had put in was enough. So in 3 days I had to frantically meet with all the vendors, re-arrange and cut prices, and then find a way to come up with the missing money which my fiance and I and my mother forked over.
 
SIL graduated from college 3 days before our wedding and my in-laws prepared a lavish celebration and gave her an expensive mac book pro computer.
 
At our formal wedding his two sisters decided to give us a surprise…. One of them danced a Britney Spears routine wearing extremely skimpy clothes (some guests thought that we had hired a stripper!) and the other made a 30 minute video talking about her and her brother and how sad she was to lose him (no positive mention of the bride whatsoever).
 
Since my mother had to fork over the money that was missing, our Christmas was very modest. My parents had a lot of financial difficulty during December because they gave us all they had so that we could cover my in-law’s deficit. At Christmas we wanted to spend it with both sides of our families, and both dinners were scheduled at the same time: 9pm. FIL gave my husband a call saying that we were to be there at 10pm sharp or to not bother to even come. My family is very understanding and they gave us a big hug and told us not to worry, so I got to spend less than an hour with my family. Once we got to my in law’s house we found very lavish decorations with rented tables and linens and catered dinner, plus they had two bar attendants for 16 people, their gifts where very lavish for everyone. Pearl and Tiffanny necklaces and Wii’s for the aunts and nephews etc… 
 
My in-laws had told us 6 months before the wedding that their wedding gift would be a Honeymoon to Hawaii. We wanted to have it after the holidays and they set the date for January 4. Come January 3, they tell us that they couldn’t give us the honeymoon because they ran out of money. But were where very rude about it, saying that we had too much vacation (my husband works with his father) and that we should consider the holiday vacation as our honeymoon and should return to work immediately. So they left us with no honeymoon, no money or time to plan something smaller, and they were very rude about delivering the news blaming everything on us.
 
I am very scared of them and almost wish I hadn’t married into this selfish, manipulative and classless family. Am I over reacting??

ACHOOOoooo!

I’ve mentioned it before, but each Christmas, which is the only time of the year I spend more than 30 minutes in my MIL & FIL’s house, it bears repeating or else I’ll end up taking it out on my husband.

I have allergies to anything with hair, e.g. cats. My husband’s parents have two, both long hair.

Now my allergies aren’t just your sniffling, sneezing kind of allergies so for those who may feel inclined to tell me to take a benadryl and suck it up, that doesn’t work, but thanks for the assvice.

No, my allergic reaction is first the sniffling, sneezing followed by the wheezing because it triggers my asthma. Such severe asthma that I’ve had to have my husband take me to the ER on more than one occasion and has even earned me an overnight stay in the hospital.

I also took some allergy medicine to buy me some time, but within an hour of being at my in-laws, I was sneezing. My MIL asks me if I have a cold.

No, allergies, I replied.

Really? I didn’t know you had allergies.

All I could do is stare at her. She’s known me for almost 17 years. The one cat she has is one we gave her because no matter how many shots or how much medication I took, I just couldn’t have that cat in our own house and MIL willingly took her under her own wing.

How could she not know?!

Also, putting your animals outside or in the basement or in the bedroom does not alleviate the allergens already in the home. It drives me crazy when my SIL can’t understand why I keep having a reaction even though the cats are in another room.

What’s In A Name?

Alright, I’ve been meaning to get this one off my chest for a while now, but have to preface that my in-laws are most of the time “OK” people. They mean well, but at times FIL can be incredibly self-centered and rude.

It took my husband and me a long time and quite a bit of money to get pregnant. It was a difficult time for us filled with lots of disappointment (which my in-laws just didn’t get). During our final try of IVF we got lucky. I mean really, really, really lucky. We became pregnant with triplets. We were thrilled, but cautious. We knew that triplet pregnancies were high risk. We spent a lot of time preparing our families and friends for an almost inevitable NICU stay when the babies arrived.

Unfortunately I did end up getting very sick and delivered 2 and ½ months prematurely. Our babies were so tiny. They went straight to the NICU where we went through some very rocky moments including a 6:00 am phone call from the doctors telling us that one of our daughters was not doing well. A conventional ventilator was not enough. She had to be hooked to an oscillator, a very heavy duty vent causing her chest to vibrate rapidly- one of the scariest things I have ever witnessed. It was a horrible, horrible time. DH and I were terrified for the health of our children.

So when 2 days later the phone rang at 6:00 am again, I started to shake. I couldn’t breathe fearing the absolute worst. Thankfully it was not the doctors calling again, but instead my in-laws. My self-centered FIL called at 6:00 am while our sweet, less than a week old babies were still in danger to let us know how much he and MIL hatedour choice in middle names and how could we be so cruel to not name even one of the babies after them. Nope FIL didn’t even bother to ask how our precious babies were doing!

Yes my in-laws were more concerned about our babies’ names than our babies’ health. I should also mention that my in-laws didn’t bother to come visit the babies for almost a month. Why? Because they had a vacation planned and couldn’t be bothered to drive 3 hours (just 3 measly hours!) out of their way to meet their grandchildren and support their son during a very scary time. Did I also mention that these in-laws have one other grandchild and that grandchild is already named after my MIL? Later in the day when my DH was more alert, he left a message for FIL explaining how totally inappropriate his call had been and demanding an apology, but my FIL never bothered to  respond and DH and I were too occupied with more important things than to bring it up again.

It’s been almost 2 years and our three babies toddlers are doing absolutely fabulous. No health problems or developmental delays whatsoever! But I still get angry thinking about my idiot in-laws. I spent so much time finding very meaningful middle names for my children and now every time I say them aloud I am reminded of that ridiculous and hurtful early morning phone call!

Happy Thanksgiving

We drove 2 1/2 hours on the Friday after Thanksgiving to spend some time with my in-laws.  We got to their house at around 6 pm on Friday.  The next day we took the kids to a local historical/tourist place and spent more than half the day there having a great time. 

Oh, did I mention that the in-laws didn’t come with us? 

They weren’t even at their house until Saturday at 3 o’clock.  They had stayed Friday night at their cottage an hour away and spent Saturday morning shopping (instead of with their grand kids).  They knew we were at their house, they just didn’t bother to come home.  

We wanted to leave around 4 or 5 on Sunday due to the snow and heavy traffic.  About 15 minutes before we left my SIL, her husband and their two kids finally showed up because the was a “mis-communication” about time.  They live only 20 minutes away.  They said “are you leaving already?” like they forgot we have a 2 1/2 hour drive. 

I’m so glad we went.

WANTED: Good People to Adopt as In-Laws

I should run an ad in the local paper for a new set of inlaws.

Honestly, anyone would be better than the ones I have now.

I have been married 17 years to a wonderful man. He is my best friend. We never fight and agree on almost everything.

But we have drawn a line in the sand with his mother and stepdad.

This woman has known me since I was 5 years old. She knows my family. But insisted on calling me “that girl” the first 5 years her son and I were married. “are you bringing that girl  to dinner tonight?” What the hell?

Well, it gets better. She tells people I must have been pregnant before marriage because I was so sick all the time.

That may be because I was going through near renal failure and trying to hang on to my precious life.

We had our first child 3 years after marriage. yeah 3 years.

MIL would never help out with the baby or me after a 13 hour labor and c-section. No, she had to go to the grocery store or sit on her butt. So I never asked for anything from her after that first excuse. EVER!

My last 17 years with this woman has been hell. Between her treating my husband like trash because she hated his father (1st marriage) now she is doing it to our kids.

She has 4 grandchildren girls and 2 grandchildren boys.

I have one of each of those. We all live within a half a mile of each other and MIL lives 5 miles down the road.

Now fast forward to THIS year. My son’s birthday, she is at the local ballpark to see her #1 grandson playing ball and never calls or comes by to tell mine Happy Birthday, the entire time she is less than a mile away. Hurricane sends a tornado through our backyard. It was in the local paper which she has delivered daily and on the news. My daughter tries relentlessly to call and check on them (loving concern not reciprocated) and hears #1 grandson answer and get told “i told you not to answer that phone”. My daughter hung up angry as hell.

They eventually call weeks later to check on grandkids and claim they were coming this way to get fuel for generator the entire time and figured we must be okay. Figured?

Now today. My daughter’s birthday. They wait until late in the day to call and wish her happy birthday and tell her they can’t bring her present over today they will try and get it out here tomorrow. BUT THIS WOMAN MANAGED TO GO TO THE MALL ON BLACK FRIDAY WITH HER #1 GRANDKIDS! She doesn’t know I spotted her. I almost ran into her and recognized the back of her head. I made a uturn and got a friend to confirm identity and I went outside and waited in truck for friends. I didn’t want to make a scene at the store.

My husband and I are amazed that these people cannot only manage to make our lives HELL they are doing it to our kids. We have distanced our family from them. It hasn’t changed a thing.

My boss and his wife treat my children better than my inlaws do as they came to check on us after the hurricane. My inlaws waited 3 weeks.

I have always tried to be a good daughter in law but now I don’t care. The mayo in lasagna at Christmas, the names, the disrespect towards her child and grandkids and me is too much.

My son called her Miss ##### and I heard her say “what did you call me?”. Knowing that my son doesn’t curse I stood agape in the next room until I heard her demand to be called MawMaw ######, heck my son cannot remember her husband’s name. He says “that man that lives at daddy’s momma’s house.”

I am thankful for my dad and my husband’s dad for being good granddads and inlaws for my husband and me but this other set HAS TO GO.

I cannot take the mental abuse they are putting my kids and myself and husband through.

Wanted: New InLaws. For young family with 2 children.

Requirements: Knowledge of how to use phone to call on important dates. Ability to hug children and show affection.

Gifts are never required. Just Love. Applications being accepted immediately.

DIL in need of mental support, La.