Pony Up

Now ladies (just where are the men with their Mother-In-Law stories??), you emailed and said you had tons of stories…where are they? This isn’t a one pony show! While I have a couple in draft, I have to hold out until something special happens or doesn’t happen in the Sane In-Law’s abode before I tempt karma.

Do you have something related to the upcoming Holidays, whether it be Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanakkah, Christmas or Kwanzaa?

By the way, if you  have a suggestion on how to make this site even better, I’m open to suggestions. Send your stories to inlawssuck at yahoo dot com.

Patient and Tactful, He Is Not

We got married a bit over 3 months ago, and got engaged about a year before that. The second my DH put the ring on my finger my FIL started asking us about kids. We told him that we are not ready yet and let he know when we are.

As the wedding approached he kept on asking with certain frequency the same question. The closer the wedding got the more often he started asking. About 2-3 months before the wedding he started asking us every week or so. He saw that DH got really mad every time he asked the question (I really want kids and the sooner the better, but DH wants to wait a little, so we’ve agreed to wait about a year and then start trying and when it happens it happens).

So last weekend we picked up FIL to go to the beach and DH went back inside to get some water and left me in the car with FIL (he is a very sweet guy), so FIL asked me if he can ask a question about our family, so I said sure (I didn’t see any harm in it.) So here is the conversation:

FIL: ” Which one of you does not want to have kids?”

DIL: “We both want to, but DH wants to wait a little”

FIL: “What is he waiting for? You are not getting any younger”

I am only 24 and DH is 30.

FIL: “You have a family now and there is no family without kids”

DIL: “We’ve only been an official family for 3 months. We’ll get around to having kids. We just want to wait a little”

FIL: “So what exactly are you waiting for? You know that it does not get any easier with age.”

DIL: “We want to wait for us to be ready and not to be between jobs. We want to make sure we can support a kid first, before bringing a new one into the world. DH wants to have a more stable job, because I won’t be working for at least first 6 months when the baby comes”

FIL: “Well, you are both working now and you are not that bad off”

Then he sees that DH is approaching, so he says:

FIL: “Don’t tell DH that I asked you about this”

DIL: “Ok!”

How else can you explain to them that we are not ready for kids yet?

Sometimes he would start telling us how to raise kids, that he read so many books on how to raise them and we definitely should ask him for help. I even got in the argument with him once, because he was saying that kids, especially boys, should not be affectionate and that parents should be strict with them. I am a fair believer that everyone should grow up in the family with lots of love and affection.

So after this conversation, I asked DH to tell his parents to stop asking me about kids and I asked my parents to ask my grandma to ask DH about kids

The MIL Who Doesn’t Want Grandchildren

Let me start by saying – my FIL loves kids.  He is anxious for DH and I to have children.  So, when my in-laws built a brand new house with a reading room/office off of the master bedroom for my MIL, he jokingly suggested they make it a nursery for grandchildren when it comes time.  Her response, verbatim “Hell no, we aren’t having a nursery.  I spent enough long nights awake with my own children; I don’t need to do it with theirs.”  Ouch. 

This is the same woman who has told us since we got married three years ago that she isn’t ready for grandchildren – where the hell does she get the idea that it is her decision? Last time I checked, MIL’s weren’t technically involved in the child bearing process.

She has also made the comment that she wouldn’t be interested in babysitting our children, especially not for more than a couple of hours.   So, you can imagine my extreme surprise when my dear FIL tells me that they will be babysitting for one of MIL’s friend’s all weekend (a baby ~5-6mos.).

All I can say is – she had better not complain when we have kids and she never gets to see them – that is her own fault!

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Have a story you want to get off your chest about your in-laws? Email them to inlawssuck@yahoo.com to see them published anonymously here.

“Holy” Days?

On Thanksgiving about four years ago we had to visit the in-laws.  They are Fundamentalist, focus on the mental, Southern Baptists – I am Jewish.  Our son was really into Harry Potter at the time and was planning a Potter Party for his upcoming birthday.  Immediately after dinner, my FIL ran to his room and retrieved his bible.  He then called our son over to explain to him with scripture how he was conversing with the devil and how as parents we were teaching him to walk in the fire of Satan.  By the time his Dad and I realized what was going on, our son was in near hysterics. 

My husband told them that we had “agreed” not to bring up the religion thing, that they had “promised” they wouldn’t – but no, they forged on anyway.  The whole thing escalated into a huge argument and then they kicked us out of their home.  Before pie. 

Later that evening we had to have a talk with our son explaining how too much of a good thing, even religion, can become a bad thing. 

Fast forward to Christmas at their house.  We were invited to exchange gifts, which we do even though I am Jewish.  Everyone was handing out presents, and when my husband asked where my gift was my MIL replied, “Oh, I didn’t get her one, this isn’t her holiday”.

Merry Fucking Christmas to you too lady.

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Have a story you want to share about one of your in-laws? Mail them to inlawssuck@yahoo.com to have them published here.

Move From Hell

When my son was 6 and my daughter 2 years old, my husband just got a new job that would take us from the Midwest to the west coast. It would be the first time that we would be leaving our home state. From the time that he took the job to the time we left the state was just under 2 months.

We had to sell our house and pack everything for a cross country trip. MIL could not find any time during those short weeks to spend extra time with her only grandson and youngest granddaughter. When it finally hit all of them (SIL, MIL, BIL) it was to late. But we were the bad ones because we were too busy to drive to their house the day before the packers were coming. We were also bad because we did not dredge through several feet of snow to the back of our yard to then load the wood we cut in OUR vehicle and drive it over to MIL house.

Then if things could not get any worse, my kids, our cat, and myself were flying while my husband drove in a winter storm with the dog to our new state. The kids and I stayed at a friend’s 1 bedroom apartment the days before because MIL had no time for us. My best friend’s parents drove us to the airport and waited with us to leave. I even had a long time friend come meet us there for a surprise. No family thought it was important enough to say goodbye.

I just love my in-laws!!!!!!

MIL-Zilla

I’m in the wedding industry, so I tend to hear a lot of horror stories about in-laws to-be. This one takes the cake though.

A stressed out bride was trying to print out her invitations at home. She had spent weeks designing, buying just the right paper, etc – but her home printer just wouldn’t cooperate. 

In a seeming act of kindheartedness, her future MIL offered to print them out for her at home and bring back the pieces. The bride accepted.  When she got the pieces back, her future MIL had changed the font, added the parent’s full names (spelling the bride’s mother’s name wrong) and changed the color of some of the text. 

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Have a story about your MIL? Email it to inlawssuck@yahoo.com!

Not So Merry Maid

My in-laws had had their house in my city on the market for over a year while they had moved back to their previous hometown.  When the house here did not sell they were forced to move back against their desire to live here any longer.  And my desire to have them live in the same state, let along the same city as us.  My husband has always been the son who will do anything for his parents even though they treat him like crap and dote on their loser favorite youngest son like he is the second coming.  He is like a little kid trying to please his parents with good deeds and can never do enough to receive any sort of gratitude or love from them. 

When they announced their return and suggested we clean their empty house in preparation for the arrival of their furniture, my husband of course readily agreed.  Being the good wife that I am I agreed to help him.  We spent three and a half hours scrubbing their house that had sat empty for over a year and had been trekked through repeatedly by potential buyers who did not answer my prayers to buy their house so there was no way they would have to move back.  People even used the toilets and guess who got to clean those?  Nothing like months long dried urine on the floor to make your day.

But the kicker was having to crawl on our hands and knees to clean each individual tile on their tiled kitchen, entry and three bathroom floors because they never got the grout sealed so we could not use a mop like normal people to clean the floor or the grout would get wet, crack and cause problems.  No, we washed each tile separately, scrubbing our guts out because I do not believe they had EVER cleaned the floor since they had bought the house since washing the floor would have entitled them to crawl around on their hands and knees since they were too lazy to have their floor finished in the first place. 

When we were done that house sparkled like a new penny and looked better than even when it was completed being built and they walked into it brand-new.  My husband was sure we would get praised for all our hard work.  I was sure we wouldn’t.  I am sorry that I was right.

When my in-laws walked in and viewed their freshly clean home, my MIL took one look around and said to me, “So I guess you forgot to clean the baseboards and the spots off the stove then?”

That was all that was said.

And for the record the baseboards were cleaned except for the one side of the entry I must have missed and she spotted and I scrubbed that stove for a half and hour and couldn’t get the grime off the handle.  Then I realized it was just worn down from use.

When Will I Learn To Check The Caller ID?

After having not heard from her in literally months I answer the phone to hear this:

MIL:

“Hi, I was just browsing at Barnes and Noble and saw a book with animal pictures.  Does your son have any books with animal pictures?  These are nice pictures, up close.  And I thought I’d get this other book about Big Bear and Little Bear.  He probably feels very left out since he can’t keep up with his big sister and is not as agile as her.”

Me:

“Um, no, actually they play together quite well and he hasn’t shown any frustration.  He can do pretty much everything she can so.  But the first book sounds nice, books are always welcome.”

MIL:

“Oh.  (silence)  Well, I should get going.  I’m losing my voice.  Goodbye.”   

Glad you’ve taken the time to get to know your only grandchildren.