Baby Shower Nightmare

My story is this:  I am pregnant.  My MIL offered to throw us a baby shower.  I thought that was a nice gesture and accepted.  A week or so later, she invited herself over to our house and saw that we already have a crib and a stroller.  She said, “It looks like you don’t need a baby shower.” 

Now, I haven’t had a shower yet but a lot of nice family and friends have already bought baby gifts for us. They were excited and didn’t wait for a shower to be held.  I told her that we still need about a million diapers and a diaper champ and other items.  I also let her know that one of my SILs had *three* baby showers, as did my best friend from college.  They had different groups of friends, family, and coworkers at each.  They were also in different locations.  So my MIL said she would throw us a shower after all.  (She said, “You want enough stuff that we could have a shower.” Like having diapers for the baby is optional, a “want” rather than a “need.”)

When she asked who we would like to invite, and my husband and I started to give her some of the names, she said that she would have to rent a hall because we wanted to invite so many people.  I told her, do NOT rent a hall, there is no need for that. 

Then, before we had talked again about the guest list, my aunt offered to throw a shower. I told her that my MIL had already offered, but that we could do two smaller showers in two different towns and that would break up the guest list nicely.  My aunt then said something to my MIL about throwing me a shower.  That was at a holiday party at my mom’s house.  My MIL came over to me at the party and expressed her displeasure that I hadn’t told my aunt that my MIL was throwing us a shower already.  I told my MIL that I *had* told my aunt about my MIL offering and that I thought two smaller showers would make everyone happy.  I did mention that my aunt had been out of the state up until the holiday party and maybe she hadn’t gotten my email.  My aunt, who was standing right there, told my MIL that I had told her and that she had forgotten.  So, that really seemed to clear things up, or so I thought. 

A week later (on New Year’s Day), my MIL called me up to say how “shocked and stunned” she was that my aunt was throwing us a baby shower.  I told my MIL that we had already talked about this at Christmas, but I’d explain again.  I told her my idea about two smaller showers–one in one city, another in another city.  Different groups of guests.  She said, “Well who would I invite?”  I listed the names.  She kept making negative comments. 

I told her that it didn’t sound like she wanted to throw us a shower. She said she didn’t want to throw us a shower anymore.  Then she said I was hurting her feelings.  I am pregnant, on bed rest for high blood pressure and was starting to lose my temper.  I started to tell her about being on doctor’s orders to take it easy.  I’m not sure how much she heard though, because she hung up on me.

It’s the Thought That Counts, Right?

My in-laws are in the midst of the longest and strangest divorce known to mankind. Seriously. Since they are divorcing, we get Christmas presents from each of them.

My MIL sent us a lovely present this year. I’m not really sure what got into her. It was pretty awesome!

My father-in-law sent us a card. Not so bad. At least he thought of us, right? So I opened the card up and inside was a check made out to my husband. I didn’t think anything of it because most people just make checks out to one of us so that we don’t both have to endorse them. No big deal. I read the card. It was pretty nice sentiment. Then the check to my husband slid out of the card and underneath it was another check. This second check was made out to me. For half the amount as the first one. What? That doesn’t even make any sense. Why not make one check to both of us and we can split it however we want? Or why not give us both the same amount?

My husband called and talked to him and thanked him for the card. FIL mentioned that he decided not to give me as much to me and he hoped I wasn’t upset by it. Ok. When my husband tried to say anything about why he decided that, FIL just changed the subject. Whatever. I suppose it’s the thought that counts.

Or something like that…

Well, Merry Christmas!

You know, MIL, I can put up with you teaching me how to use my own microwave or how to “properly” grill potatoes on the grill. I can tolerate your DS (my hubby) and I working our fingers to the bone to make it without any help from you (not that I would want it if you offered it) while you are too busy helping DH’s brother.  

I have tried to tolerate asking you out to lunch just to have you send FIL instead because all of a sudden you remembered you had something more important to do.  What is funny about that to me, is you would never DREAM of treating your other children or their significant others that way, so what makes it ok to do to me and your son?   

For seven years I have tolerated your slights, comments and actions in general, just because occasionally you are a nice person to me and we get a long. The final straw came for me Christmas Day when you “forgot” to call us to tell us when to come over.  You didn’t forget – let’s be honest here, you don’t forget anything.  The only thing you forgot is what you told us the night before (Christmas Eve) after you had a few too many beers:

I repeat “we may go to church tomorrow, so I don’t know when you should be here so I will let you know”.  

Did you think “letting us know” was through telepathy? Were we supposed to smell the food from 10 miles away?  Then, when you do call later in the day, you make FIL call because you knew you “messed up”.  So you feel bad, do ya?  Let’s be honest again, the only reason you feel badly about it is because you got caught.  As for me, I think I am done playing your games…enjoy DH’s help while you have it, because if I have anything to say about it, you won’t have it again.  I am tired of us being taken advantage of just because your other two grown children can’t lift a finger to help with anything.  

Oh, and that trip to you-know- where this spring?  You can forget that, too, we won’t be going; we are saving our money to go somewhere else on our own, but thanks.  Be sure to take your favorite children instead, you know the ones.  Oh, and don’t call us, we will call you. (Don’t hold your breath waiting.)

The Un-Gifter

My husband and I struggled mightily to come up with a good birthday gift for MIL.  It took us the better part of a month to settle on a yearly video membership.  She really seemed to like it and also seemed very touched. As always she expressed how we shouldn’t have done anything at all for her – but that is what she always says, and of course we would get her something.  Truthfully, we aren’t in the greatest of financial situations right now, but we are doing fine, and this was something we thought was appropriate and a little unique for her. She is NOT an easy person to buy for by any means.

Now, a few months later, she has called DH to let him know that she cancelled the membership because she feels it was too much for us to pay, and she will never use it anyway. She called and cancelled our gift.  One we had already paid for, she had graciously accepted and we had great joy in giving her.

I hope she calls and cancels SIL’s gift too – hers was equally extravagant.

Guilty of Being Ignorant

My husband is a police officer who works midnights. I try to “screen” his calls during the day so that he can get some sleep. His mother is a nice but slightly neurotic person.

This was the conversation that happened just a few short minutes ago. Names have been changed to protect the innocent (namely, me):

(phone rings?)

Me: Hello?

MIL: Is your DH there?

Me: Yes, but he’s sleeping.

MIL: I’ve just been in an accident and I can’t get a hold of your FIL. (she’s obviously shaken)

Me: Where are you? Are you in [insert name of town in which my DH is a police officer]?

MIL: No, I’m near the grocery store in [insert name of town in which my DH is NOT a police officer!!!].

Me: Have you called the police yet?

MIL: No! I don’t know what to do!!

Me: You’ll have to call the police department for that town, then. Here is the number—

MIL: (hysterical) I don’t have anything to write it down with!! I’ll just call them!!! (hangs up)

Me: *heavy sigh*

I then go into the bedroom and turn off my DH’s cell phone so that he won’t be bothered if she tries to go around me.

This is a woman who is in her fifties. How old do you have to be to know that you need to call the police department if you’re in an accident???

I’m not really sure what she expected my DH to do, either. Hold her hand? Grow up, MIL!

It’s Always All About Her

The Woman cannot stand it when someone other than herself is getting any attention.

Last year we made the usual trek over to DH’s mother’s house for the annual Christmas visit. We avoid her, otherwise, but as the holidays are about family, etc… we overlook her many grievances, annoyances and irritations and grace her with our presence.
 
Usually, she’s hospitable, and thaws to almost-friendly. This time, she was beyond arctic, and spent the majority of our visit addressing the family cat, the dog, anyone but us, if possible. We’d sensed something was amiss upon arrival, but overlooked it as much as we could. I thought we’d had a successful, marginally pleasant visit.
 
Until a day or so later, after we’d traveled to my own parents’, and received a call from DH’s brother. The timing was too conspicuous, so, even though we’d just sat down to dinner, I insisted DH take the call.
 
According to his brother, The Woman (she doesn’t deserve to be called MIL by me. DH has a stepmother who’s quite lovely and the title is reserved for her) had given him a play-by-play of our entire visit, claiming we were “hateful” to her. But did it end there? Noooo. DH’s brother and SIL were expecting a baby any day now, and should not have had to deal with the stress that followed.
 
The Woman had taken offense to an incident whereupon we were discussing the new baby and I’d remarked that DH’s stepmother had told me about a photo of the sonogram and some family features the unborn little one appeared to have inherited already. The Woman decided that this must surely mean that stepmother had, in her possession, her own copy of the photo, and well, that just wasn’t FAIR. She was the real grandmother and she didn’t even have such a thing! How DARE we!
 
I hadn’t even seen the photo, myself, was only repeating conversation, and it was all coming down on my head with a vengeance. Not to mention the parents-to-be had to suffer the maelstrom of The Woman’s wrath and outrage. She really does invent drama and tweak every situation to appear as though she is the one being done wrong.
 
Because we’d all been so “hateful” and “unfair” to her, she decided to further “punish” us by decreeing that DH’s nieces and nephews (grandchildren she had custody of) could not attend a movie with some other family members, as previously planned.
 
When all was said and done more 20 people ended up suffering because of The Woman’s completely fabricated perceived slight.

Break Out The HazMat Suit

My in-laws were planning a trip to see us for the first time in five months.  My husband, our two toddlers and I all had a stomach bug four days before, which we FULLY DISCLOSED, but they decided to make the trip anyway. 

They got sick four days into our visit and my MIL says to me “I never wanted to come.  Your FIL made me come.  I wanted to stay home.”  Then, when they got back to their house, she e-mailed me a link to the ‘Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’ website flu section. 

My husband, who usually never lets the things his mother does bother him, said “Screw her.  Next time she wants to come to my house I’ll tell her my co-worker’s cousin’s sister’s daughter was sick 2 months ago and we might still be contagious.”

Hello to You, Too

After having not seen my in-laws in five months, the first thing my MIL says to me after walking in the door is “Oh, your hair is different.”

“Yeah, I just had seven inches cut off last week.”

“Well, it’s too bad you didn’t have the patience to let it grow three more inches so you could donate it.”