Uh, Thanks

My husband is in the military and when we were pregnant over Christmas, we decided it was best to not travel and instead spend Christmas by ourselves. We couldn’t afford to fly home and a seventeen hour drive was not looking so good to me being that I was six months pregnant. My in-laws decided to punish my husband for this decision.

Christmas morning we opened the gifts that our in-laws sent. They sent us a couple of cheap Christmas ornaments and a part for the instrument my husband plays in the Navy band. FIL bragged that he only paid fifteen dollars for it. Since it was Christmas morning, we couldn’t really use the ornaments and besides that, we had an unfortunate incident with our ceiling in our military house collapsing due to water damage. Our Christmas tree was ruined. We were moved into a new house a week before Christmas and didn’t bother getting another tree. The in-laws knew this.

After opening the gifts we called the in-laws to thank them. We found out that my husband’s brother and sister both got video iPods, among other things for Christmas. Let me get one thing straight. When I am given a gift, I am always grateful but after hearing that the in-laws spent thirty dollars max on us, it was hard to be grateful when the other kids had over $400 spent on each of them. This really pisses me off because my husband is the oldest child and the least spoiled. He’s the only kid in his family that didn’t get his college paid for by his parents and the only one that still doesn’t rely on his parents sending money when he needs it.

A few months later at the big confrontation with my in-laws, I brought up the fact that it hurt my husband (who is the only child that is a musician and would appreciate and use the iPod more efficiently than the other kids) was hurt by this. FIL’s response? “If I knew it would only take me getting you guys an iPod to come home for Christmas, I would have gotten you one.” No idiot, the promise of an iPod would still not make us drive all that way, the fact that you did it to punish my husband is what hurt so much. So glad we don’t associate with these people anymore. I just can’t deal with all the passive aggressiveness.

Just to add salt to the wound, FIL would call my husband, who is the techie in the family, every now and then to ask technical questions about the iPod he had gotten himself. What a jerk.

My MIL Has Never Heard of “Boundaries”

My future MIL has CLEARLY never heard of boundaries.  The first time I met her, I had to sit through an ENTIRELY SILENT dinner.  In my FH’s family, no one communicates to each other unless they’re gambling or yelling at each other.  Crazy, I know!  Anyway, after dinner, I saw that his mother was tearing up and so I politely asked her if everything was ok.  I even reached out to lightly touch her hand to show I was genuinely concerned.  She yanked her hand away, looked me FIERCELY in the face and asked, “Are you a virgin?  ARE YOU?”

Terrified, I snapped my hand back and stuffed my face with rice.  I didn’t know what to say, so I nervously allowed my eyes to dart back in her direction.  She held my gaze and stood up, more defiantly, and asked me again.  I was terrified and not knowing what to do, I looked down at my lap in shame with cheeks full of white rice that I could not swallow.  My FH nervously chuckled and said, “Of course we are…”

At this point, she had a full on nervous break down, called us liars, and accused me of “ruining” her son.  I could’ve just died right then and there.  I should’ve known back then I would never have a relationship with her.  Little did I know, this was just the TIP of my in-laws’ insane lack of respect or boundaries.

It Was an Honest Accident!

My Son-in-Law rode his bike over 120 miles to raise money for the Homeless with a group from a local radio station, leading one of the teams. 

His mother called him on Saturday morning around 10 a.m to see what time and where the festivities start that evening to celebrate the completion.  He is on his bike having logged 60 miles the day before and has about 10 miles of a 60 mile ride for the 2nd day in a roll under his belt when she calls. His answer was, “Mom, call my wife’s cell phone, she can give you the details – I am on the road and cannot access the computer or the print out in my saddle bag to give you this information.” 

Daughter and I decide to take the kids to the local Outlet Mall for shopping that is ½ way to the finish line – leaving around Noon. Just as we get to the outlet mall after 1 we discover she forgot her cell phone at the house, we call and leave a message on the Son-in-Law’s phone so he knows to call my cell when he is just over an hour from the finish so we can be there to cheer him on!

My daughter, all 4 kids, and I are there to cheer for his group (#4 of 6) – we visit for a while waiting on the other two groups to arrive.  My Daughter’s MIL calls her son’s cell stating she is just driving around this town (not a small town…) hoping to find where we are at.  My son-in-law tells her exactly where we are, she asks for directions to get there so he asks me and I give him the directions that we got off google – the problem is that we got the directions to come from the outlet mall – which is North of where she is…….not that we know where she is other than driving around this town looking for us.  She calls back 3 times because she cannot find us.  She finally arrives after the presentation when the whole group is going to get pictures made.  Guess who she blames for “Ruining her Day so badly she could cry”  – my daughter……because among gathering up the stuff needed to haul a 3 month old and 3 big brothers to a day of shopping and an evening of festivities forgot her cell phone. 

After laying as much GUILT as she possibly could on her DIL at the program, she leaves – which should be the end of it but oh NO……….  my Son-in-Law receives a phone call from his father late that night about how the “Problems between the MIL and his wife have become so BIG that the DIL left her phone at home so she couldn’t reach her, leaving the MIL to drag her 89 year old father all over a strange town trying to find where his Grandson is being rewarded!”   

Then he threw in for good measures that the “DIL was withholding the grandbabies from her because she dislikes her so much”……….not once – NOT EVER! – has my Daughter refused her access to the kids, nor did my Daughter even know that her husband had told her MIL to call her for directions until the MIL arrived at the program. 

Now details are: 

• MIL - did not call daughter for over 2 hours after she had talked to her son – if she had she would have reached her before she forgot the phone.
• Son-in-Law - did not know when he found out that his wife had forgotten her phone that his mother had not called in the two hour window.
• Daughter – did not know her MIL was even planning on coming, or that she didn’t have directions and had HONESTLY JUST FORGOTTEN HER PHONE!

Now to me this says NO ONE is to blame ….it just happened.  I am so mad I could spit nails at my son-in-law’s mom for making my daughter cry both at the ceremonies and later that night after her father-in-law had called.  My son-in-law will handle it – I have no doubt, but I hate that she has twisted another thing to make it all my DAUGHTER’s fault!

Just Don’t Talk Anymore, OK?

My second day home from the hospital after having a c-section, my in-laws dropped in. As in didn’t call before they came over and didn’t knock before they came in. Just walked right in. Because I was still in a lot of pain and still learning to breastfeed, I was wearing a nightgown that had the top part unbuttoned. My boobs were out for everyone to see. The only problem is that the only people that I don’t mind looking are my husband and my mom. I mind my in-laws taking a peek.

When they walked in I immediately grabbed my son and brought him back into the nursery. My husband wasn’t far behind. I told him that I need one day without me and the baby being on display. I asked him to somehow get his parents to leave. I got dressed and came out a few moments later. I wanted them to at least see their grandbaby since they were there anyway.

I walked into the kitchen and saw my MIL crying to my husband talking about how she wishes they could stay at our house too since my mom was also there. Was she crazy? We only have three bedrooms. We had no room for them. She made my husband feel horrible. There was nothing he could do about it. MIL saw it unfair that my mom was staying with us. What she didn’t understand is that my mom was there to take care of her baby, not mine. I couldn’t ask my MIL to help me take a shower, go to the bathroom or get dressed like I could ask of my mom. MIL just didn’t get it.

My husband asked them to leave for the day and asked that they call before they come over next time. FIL was very insulted by this and called my husband later to yell at him. My husband mentioned that they need to call before coming over so I can get dressed. FIL said, “Well, it’s not my fault she was in her nightgown at three in the afternoon.” Hello moron! I just had major abdominal surgery. Forgive me for not wanting to put on anything with a waistband.

FIL was angry and started to say some really hurtful things to my husband. FIL said something about how he has a better marriage than my husband does. How he could even know that, I don’t know. I do know that my husband isn’t the kind of man that looks at porn obsessively and routinely talks behind my back calling me fat, lazy and stupid like FIL does to his wife. If that’s what he calls a good marriage then I don’t need it.

White Elephant or Braying Jack-Ass?

Last year we went out to dinner with the inlaws and my FIL and I were talking politics (I know, a no-no). He asked what I thought about those who may run for president and I told him that Hillary Clinton was overshadowed by her husband’s misdoings in the Oval Office.

My FIL then said to me that my morals must be screwed up to which I said that my morals were just fine and matched those of the rest of the nation’s in that the former president Clinton had cheated on his wife and that is just not a good thing.

He shook his head in disgust and told me I didn’t know what I was talking about. My husband only told his father to get off his soap box and the subject was changed. I wanted to get up and leave the restaurant but I was boxed in on the inside of a booth.

Surprisingly, The World Doesn’t Revolve Around Them

When my son was born, we spent fifty bucks on 25 pretty baby announcements. We sent them out to our friends and family. We got a call from our in-laws asking why their friends didn’t get one. We could only buy them in 25/$50 increments. We had to narrow it down to the 25 most important people. My husband explained that we didn’t have a hundred dollars to spend on baby announcements. Even if we did we don’t know fifty people that we could send the announcements to. FIL said that it was just another fifty bucks, big deal. Maybe not for him but it was for us since we are such a young family.

We told them that baby announcements are meant for the new parent’s friends and family. There is a reason they make grandchild announcements. They were insulted by this and just didn’t get that we didn’t feel obligated to send expensive announcements to people I have never met and that my husband doesn’t even talk to. Sadly, because this is our standard of sending out baby announcements, they most likely will not be getting one for our new baby.

Even Mickey Mouse Would Understand

My in-laws decided to take my 3-year-old son for his first trip to Disney World right around his 3rd birthday (as his birthday present). They, of course, also offered to take my husband and I along. It was pleasant and a nice experience for all of us, though completely dominated by what they wanted him to see/they wanted to do. We stayed at a Disney-related value resort for a hotel, which was very nice and offered a lot of the same options as one of their fancier, closer hotels which are quite a bit more expensive.

Later in the year, my MIL decided she wanted to go again to Disney and take my family (myself, now 8 months pregnant, her son and our son). But this time, FIL didn’t want to stay at the value resort, he wanted to stay at one of the pricier resorts on property. (In-season, this can cost up to 3 times as much as the value resorts). However, this time, we would be expected to pay our own way – meals and hotel room (they would provide the tickets into the park only).

Being very pregnant, my husband and I were trying to save as much money as possible and the close to $200 per night rate of their chosen hotel was way out of our price-range. We could have possibly swung the value resort, but were not given that option by my in-laws – when the subject came up, they were insulted that we would dare stay somewhere else. When we ultimately looked at our budget (this was also just before Christmas) and determined that we simply could not swing things financially, my MIL had a fit. “Oh, sure, when I pay for everything you jump at the chance, but when you have to contribute, you can’t go!”

I ask you, doesn’t that make sense? And with now 2 children to take care of, shouldn’t she be happy that we are making logical decisions about our financial abilities?

For Better or For Worse

When my husband and I were dating in high school, his parents hated me. Not for any other reason than the fact that I was taking their son’s time away from them. They called me a stupid slut before they even met me. They said I changed him. He was no longer a good person.

Years later after we eloped because we didn’t want to deal with his parents, I thought they started to actually like me. They made their snide remarks that I did my best to ignore. Everything blew up when my son was born. We saw how inconsiderate and mean they really were.

When we confronted them about all of our issues with them, FIL went on about how my husband had changed for the worse. A little later in the conversation, when I was fed up with my husband being bashed by his father, I said that I love him and that he is the greatest husband I could ever ask for; how he is a true gentleman and kind and sensitive and strong and etc. My FIL said, “Well you have to understand that all those things you love about him are because his mother and I instilled those values in him.”

So, wait. You gave him all of his good qualities and I gave him all his bad qualities? Maybe, just maybe, my husband evolved into the man he is today because of the relationship he has had with me for the past eight years.

The Acorn Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree

My husband and I got married 6 years ago because I was pregnant. Stupidly, I married a guy I truly had only known for 2 1/2 months! He had told me he hadn’t been in contact with his family for 10 years. He said his dad was a real jerk to him all his life and he just broke off all contact. Six months into our marriage I find out that my husband got a 15 year old pregnant when he was 26 and then married her. She left him shortly after the baby was born, left the baby behind, too. My husband wound up giving the baby to his father and step-mother to adopt. That was the real reason why he was not in contact with his family.

I managed to get hubby to contact his father and patch things up. FIL, a real arrogant, self-absorbed, ego-maniac, turns out to be divorced from Husband’s step-mother and now has a new wife. The son he allowed his father to adopt has ADHD and oppositional defiance disorder and possibly Asperger’s. There is none – and most likely will never be – any contact between Husband and his son.

For the first time in the four years we had been in contact with my FIL, we were invited to his house by his wife. My FIL was away on business and we went to keep her company one day, a month earlier she had a stroke (second one in 3 years) and was recovering. Two weeks before the visit, I had given birth to my third child. I noticed that all the pictues we had given them of the kids were nowhere to be found. I asked her about it and she said that because Husband’s son doesn’t know that we are in the picture that she took the pictures to her work and my FIL has a couple stuffed in a desk drawer at his job, as he couldn’t display them because Husband’s son would visit the office every now and then. So, essentially, Husband, me, the kids, we were their dirty little secret.

On the wall going up the stairs [of the in-laws] are pictures of family members and their spouses and grandchildren and whoever else. Guess who didn’t make it upon the wall or any place else for that matter? You got it…me!  They say they are so grateful that I bridged the gap between my husband and his dad. So grateful that they always forget my birthday as well. So grateful that there’s only 2 pictures of my kids, as opposed to several of other relatives and step-realtives’ kids. So grateful that they had to show me my husband’s wedding pictures from when he married the 15 year old. Yes, I feel special. NOT.