Just Don’t Talk Anymore, OK?
March 21, 2008
My second day home from the hospital after having a c-section, my in-laws dropped in. As in didn’t call before they came over and didn’t knock before they came in. Just walked right in. Because I was still in a lot of pain and still learning to breastfeed, I was wearing a nightgown that had the top part unbuttoned. My boobs were out for everyone to see. The only problem is that the only people that I don’t mind looking are my husband and my mom. I mind my in-laws taking a peek.
When they walked in I immediately grabbed my son and brought him back into the nursery. My husband wasn’t far behind. I told him that I need one day without me and the baby being on display. I asked him to somehow get his parents to leave. I got dressed and came out a few moments later. I wanted them to at least see their grandbaby since they were there anyway.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my MIL crying to my husband talking about how she wishes they could stay at our house too since my mom was also there. Was she crazy? We only have three bedrooms. We had no room for them. She made my husband feel horrible. There was nothing he could do about it. MIL saw it unfair that my mom was staying with us. What she didn’t understand is that my mom was there to take care of her baby, not mine. I couldn’t ask my MIL to help me take a shower, go to the bathroom or get dressed like I could ask of my mom. MIL just didn’t get it.
My husband asked them to leave for the day and asked that they call before they come over next time. FIL was very insulted by this and called my husband later to yell at him. My husband mentioned that they need to call before coming over so I can get dressed. FIL said, “Well, it’s not my fault she was in her nightgown at three in the afternoon.” Hello moron! I just had major abdominal surgery. Forgive me for not wanting to put on anything with a waistband.
FIL was angry and started to say some really hurtful things to my husband. FIL said something about how he has a better marriage than my husband does. How he could even know that, I don’t know. I do know that my husband isn’t the kind of man that looks at porn obsessively and routinely talks behind my back calling me fat, lazy and stupid like FIL does to his wife. If that’s what he calls a good marriage then I don’t need it.
Entry Filed under: Fathers In Laws (FIL), Mothers In Law (MIL). .
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1.
Jennifer | March 22, 2008 at 12:07 am
Your story almost made me cry as it reminded me of the horrible behavior my own inlaws displayed after the birth of my babies. I don’t understand what it is about new babies that make inlaws behave so poorly. Shouldn’t the baby be the center of the universe not the inlaw? Why does everything have to be all about them?
And to your FIL – your DIL can be in her nightgown, underwear, or buck naked at 3 in the afternoon any time she wants. It’s HER house!
2.
christine | March 22, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I shudder at the thought of my FIL seeing my breasts or my MIL staying at my house because my mom is there.
My only thought is that your MIL wanted to something to help, but didn’t know what, so she tried to “copy” what your mom was doing. Sorry for the assvice, but it might help if you gave her something concrete that she could do to help. Sending her out to buy groceries, asking her how to [insert some menial task you probably already know how to do], or ask her how she handled [insert some problem that new moms typically face].
Even if those were her intentions, their actions still put my jaw on the floor. Unbelievable.
3.
Donna | March 24, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Went through the exact same issues. Brings back some bad memories. Glad that part of my life is behind me. The only thing I will say is try to keep in mind that you just had a baby and your emotions are at an all time high. It’s tough to keep feelings in check with in laws when you are in that state. I know you may want to yell at me for that but believe me I went through the same things verbatime as what you have described.
My FIL told me after 24+ hrs in labor and delivering an 8lb 4oz baby that “women in Italy give birth in the fields and go right back to work. What makes you so special”
4.
Anna | March 31, 2008 at 4:56 pm
I have zero tolerance for in-laws who come into my house uninvitied. I am so sorry you had to go through that agita, but glad your husband didn’t back down to them. Being a united front helps. A lot.
Hope you’re well and enjoying the baby!
5.
Joy | May 6, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Brings back bad memories of when I had my daughter. She was staying with us and sleeping on our couch since we only have a 2 bedroom. I was trying to breastfeed without much success and she was constantly coming in and taking pictures of me while trying.