The In-Sanes

We’ve been married for 3 years, with a blended family of our 2 girls from previous marriages (7 and 8 yrs old) and our son together. We try our hardest to make it work, we love being “a family”

But my insane in-laws won’t let that happen! They are obsessed (that’s putting it mildly) with their 8 yr old granddaughter (may I mention they have 6 grandchildren total). They spoil Her, only visit Her, they ignore our other children, or as coined “children from THAT woman”. 

They say I’m obsessed and a control freak because I want the kids to spend time together, since my step-daughter doesn’t live here and only visits once a month. And they blame everything in the world (probably even the war in Iraq ) on me. The last thing my MIL said was that I was intolerable and in need of a lobotomy. And my FIL says he’s hated me from the second time he met me.  I’ve booked that for next week (haha).

I’m lucky though, my husband is amazing. He supports me 110% and thinks his parents are freaking crazy!  So now I have the daunting responsibility of trying to explain to my daughter, who they excepted at first and insisted she call them grandparents, that they want nothing to do with her.  I thank god my son is only 2 and can’t comprehend this!

…Then Comes Daughter In-Law Pushing a Baby Carriage…

Then we got pregnant.  The advice was out of control.  Do this, don’t do this.  Don’t clean the baby for a month, don’t let anyone hold the baby for a month, don’t microwave the breast milk, don’t vaccinate the baby, etc. etc. etc.  I tried to be diplomatic and tell her that I didn’t want to talk about things but she just didn’t seem to listen or to care.  I’d had it at 8 months and so I asked her to tone down the advice a little bit.  Well she did not take kindly to this and told me that I was a waste of her time, that I was zero to her, that she would rather have a relationship with a stranger, that I didn’t know anything about babies, that I had to be told what to do, and that I had a lot of work to do to rebuild our relationship.  When I said that perhaps she had misunderstood what I was saying, that it wasn’t that I didn’t want her advice but I just needed a break from it, she accused me of being a racist as English is her second language.  During her entire rant of 2 hours she made me stand in the kitchen (at 8 months pregnant) after I had driven a moving truck 3 hours to move closer to them (and left my job, my friends, my doctor, etc.).  Don’t ask why, I obviously was crazy. 

Then the baby was coming.  I had to be induced and the night before the baby was to arrive we went out to dinner with my MIL and FIL.  They were aware of the fact that I was to give birth the next day and yet they did not even wish me luck. 

Then I gave birth.  My MIL and FIL came to the hospital to visit us and did not even ask how I was doing (yes, after I had just given birth).  And my MIL even refused to hold the baby.  Since then we have probably seen them about 10 times and every time she has to tell me how she is a baby expert (mind you, she only has two kids like everyone else) and that I am doing everything wrong.  When our son was 3 weeks old she came over, took him into his room, closed the door, and let him cry for 2 hours — because he needed to exercise his lungs.  Some expert she is. 

Where is my husband in all of this?  He has grown up with this woman and is so bamboozled by her that he thinks that he deserves for her to treat him this way and that we have to give our parents some leeway.  This is more than leeway.  I don’t really know what to do about it.  On the one hand I would rather not ever see her again but that’s not really fair to my husband or my son.  On the other hand, I don’t think it’s really fair for me to have to deal with her when she has been so awful to me and I definitely do not want my son to think it’s okay for someone to treat me this way.  It’s a lose-lose situation for me whichever way I look at it.   To say that it has caused stress in my marriage is an understatement. 

And the worst part is…if you met her, you would probably love her. 

…Then Comes Marriage…

As soon as we got married I was told on several occasions that when I was at my MIL’s house she was on vacation.  This became very apparent when she invited us to spend 4th of July at her house.  She also invited two of her friends and their families.  When everyone arrived they all went for a boat ride while I was left behind to cook the meal (yes, for her friends).  When they returned, my babysitting services were offered. 

The next weekend we were invited back.  I was asked to plan the meals and send her the ingredients so that she could go shopping.  When I sent her the ingredients she asked my husband why I had done this (yes, we ended up having to do the shopping, too).  I made dinner Friday night but decided that I was not going to make dinner on Saturday night.  However, when she hadn’t started cooking by 10pm my hunger took over and I ended up cooking again.  At this point I decided that if we were going to visit her I would not take my personal vacation time to do it and we would eat out.  This seemed to work for a while.

…The Comes Daughter In-Law Pushing a Baby Carriage…(to be continued…)

First Comes Love…

As soon as we were engaged my MIL began calling me to run errands for her.  The only reason she would call was for me to do something for her, and she completely stopped asking my husband to run errands for her.  When I complained about this, I was told that she just wanted to make me feel part of the family.  That was not exactly the part of the family that I wanted to have. 

The wedding planning was a joke, too.  She and my FIL had opinions about everything — I couldn’t have white tablecloths, I had to wear a veil, we had to use specific chairs, I had to use carnations (yes, carnations) as my centerpiece flower.  When I asked them at one point why they always directed their opinions about the wedding at me, I was told that my husband needed to focus on his work. Never mind that I have a successful career of my own.

Then Comes Marriage…(to be continued…)

When Gramma Sinks to a New Low

I dropped off my husband and almost 5 year old little girl at MIL’s house so hubby could work on her car and I ran to do some shopping.

Came back to pick them up. Got little girl in the car. She had been in the house playing with MIL while hubby worked on the car.

Little girl starts crying and saying “I don’t like Gramma C no more she lies and lies are bad”. Hubby and I are both asking what happened. She says, “Gramma C says mommy is bad mommy and that is a lie”…..so little girl and I got dropped off at home while hubby got to go back and inform MIL she would no longer be alone with our kids.

The Weekend They Became The In-Laws: Part 2 of 2 – The Wedding

The day of the wedding: I just attempted to stay as far away from the in-laws as possible.  I told the officiant, photographer, and wedding planner that we would start the wedding ON TIME, regardless of who wasn’t there.  If the MIL didn’t show up on time, fine by me.  They actually showed up on time to this event, but I almost wish they hadn’t. They sat outside the church until it was time for the ceremony, complaining to our other guests about certain choices my fiance and I had made during the wedding planning process.  They even complained to my parents about the location we chose for the ceremony!  My SILs were supposed to hand out programs, but they didn’t want to go inside and leave their griping parents, so my quick-thinking maid of honor had some of the children take over that job.  Later, the SILs had the nerve to complain to my now-husband that they had their job taken away from them and how unfair it was.

Finally, the ceremony begins, and everyone is seated.  I finally have the emotional walk down the aisle that I’ve always dreamed of.  My father and I join my fiance at the altar, and the preacher begins the service.  And then… MIL’s cell phone rings.  For everyone to hear.  During the wedding ceremony.  Are you %$#&ing serious?!?!?!?!  Is there not one part of this wedding that these people don’t screw up?  The best part of this is that the wedding video totally captures my pissed-off face while her phone is ringing.

After the wedding, we begin taking formal pictures. My in-laws could not have been frostier to me, and I resolved to stay the hell away from them for the rest of the night – not an easy feat, considering that we had fewer than 100 guests. But thanks to some good friends and their interference, I was able to keep my distance all night – for the most part. Of course, now I see that there are tons of “group family photos” that don’t include me from the reception, but that’s fine with me. I don’t want to be associated with those jerks, anyway.

I’ve tried to look on the bright side, and I think I found the silver lining on this cloud. None of my family or friends will ever try to defend my sucky in-laws again after seeing first-hand how selfish they are. It makes me sick that they embarrassed their son on his wedding day, and they don’t even realize it, nor would they care. They did absolutely nothing to make me feel welcomed into the family; in fact, their actions only alienated me further. In all other areas, my wedding day was the most amazing day of my life, but their behavior has left a bitter taste in my mouth that will take quite a bit of time to get rid of. Welcome to the family, indeed.

The Weekend They Became The In-Laws: Part 1 of 2 – The Rehearsal

During our entire engagement, my fiance’s family continually let us down at every opportunity.  I should have seen the disaster coming when it was 3 months before the wedding, and nothing regarding the rehearsal dinner had been taken care of, even though my Future MIL was adamant that I have nothing to do with the planning of that event. 

Fast forward to the wedding weekend… my maid of honor and my wedding coordinator completely took over the rehearsal dinner and planned it down to every detail. The only thing Future MIL was responsible for was bringing the centerpieces. They waited for her to show up at the venue that afternoon… and she never arrived. They tried calling her, and she never answered her phone or returned her messages. In fact, the family didn’t even show up at the rehearsal! EVER! We tried waiting around for them, but they just flat out didn’t show up. 

When we left the rehearsal and arrived to the dinner, they weren’t there either. And they were supposedly  the hosts!  When they finally did arrive 45 minutes late, there was no apology – in fact, they didn’t even say hello to me or any of my family.  They just sat with their people and acted rude. To make up for their rudeness, my fiance and I played host and hostess all night.  However, Future FIL made a huge deal about the fact that they paid for the dinner, and even complained about what he said was slow service. (I’m sure whatever he was waiting for didn’t take near as long as we waited for him to freaking show up, and every single other guest absolutely raved about the service. Thanks for pissing off the people who were catering the wedding the following night, asshole!) 

Then I see Future MIL stand at the front of the room and call out members of the family for a huge family picture… but she definitely left me out. Yep, I feel totally welcomed into the family now!

Built In Maid

Being the independent girl that I am, I wish my Mom taught me how to co-exist (harmoniously) with other people under one roof.

I’ve been living with my in-laws for almost 3 years already. A couple of months ago, MIL and I got into a fight. She was ordering me to do something and I just snapped! What made me snapped was the fact that she constantly “Pssst!” at me and not call on my name when she wants me to do something. Hello! I have a name. She ranted about my rude behavior and my laziness doing household chores.

Is it a requirement to do household chores if you’re living with your in-laws? See, I’m your son’s wife, not an instant maid!

What’s Worse Than A MIL? An OCD MIL!

The first time I went over to MIL house she made me soak my feet in a mixture of bleach, soap and water. After I soaked my feet I had to stand in bucked in their house and put on a pair of their socks. When I got into the house to sit down for dinner there were towels on the chairs, I thought we used them for napkins so I put them on my lap. She stared at me weird and told me I was supposed to sit on them.

While we ate I was not allowed to pour my own ketchup or water. She had to do it for me. I could not even serve myself my own food. We used plastic plates, forks and spoons. After dinner I had to use the restroom and she had to clean it afterwards.

I had to make up an excuse to leave early because she was giving me an anxiety attack. I later realized she is a scared of germs and has OCD to the max. Either way I cannot stand her and I think she’s a controlling bitch. By the way, I’ve known them for six years and I’ve only been in their house six times!

If He Asks Me One More Time…

My FIL is an alcoholic, drug-addict who has not worked for over ten years; expects his children to support him financially; and has been having an affair for the last 8 years… We visit FIL and MIL around once every week and a half (too often for my liking) – the only reason we visit is because my DH feels sorry for his Mum, he doesn’t talk to his Dad.
 
We have a beautiful 7 month old baby boy and when we visit them it is like i don’t exist. I used to get on well with them but since the baby was born things have become very tense. It’s almost like they want me to disappear so that they can have my baby all to themselves (yeah right, I’m really gonna leave my beloved child in the presence of that man). Our baby is the spitting image of my DH and because of this I have to hear constant references to their family and how he is just like them. They completely disregard any likeness to my family that someone might mention. Baby may look like his Daddy but he has many qualities from my side as well.
 
On top of all this, every time we are at their house FIL asks me ‘Do you massage the baby?’. He must have asked me this about 25 times, I’m not exaggerating. My answer is the same every time – ‘yes after baby has his bath I massage him’. I tell you, if he asks me one time I think I will throw something at him!!!!!!!! The only way I can think to handle this is to completely ignore him the next time he asks, because believe me there will be a next time! Either that or I will end up saying ‘My answer hasn’t changed since the last 20 times you asked me’… but this will be seen as rude!
 
Another thing he keeps doing is asking me whether our baby is right- or left-handed. I have explained to him numerous times that at this age children tend to use both hands to explore things and that we wont truly know whether he is a righty or lefty until he is around 2 years old. I did say that he does seem to favour his right hand more at the moment though. This then upset FIL because he is left-handed and for some reason he feels he is superior to the right-handed people of the world! His response to this was ‘Well we will teach him to use both hands then in that case…’. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself shouting at him…. i tried to calm myself down by remembering that he is insane and that he is going to have very little to do with my child in the future. He is definitely not going to be a position to TEACH him anything.
 
I feel very alone with regards to this because as I said earlier my DH doesn’t talk to FIL, so I am left to deal with this on my own. FIL is just so arrogant and seems to think he is better then everyone – i find this amusing as he has actually achieved very little in his life, all he has done has bought pain and drama to his family. He makes my blood boil and I cannot stand to be around him anymore!!! HELP!
 

Steer Clear of SIL!

My Fiance and I are getting married in Maui in September. When we first announced that we were doing a destination wedding on 2 possible dates, Fiance’s SIL (she is married to my Fiance’s brother) immediately asked us to steer clear of one of those dates because they won’t be able to attend because they will be partying at the River. Ohhh…. Okay. Your plan to get drunk a year in advance is more important than a family member getting married. You goon!

After Fiance and I settled on the OTHER date so it doesn’t interrupt THEIR plans, SIL asked if it was ok to bring her mother since she is afraid of flying and would need to moral support. Hmmm…I thought that’s what HUSBANDS are for.

Note to self: My future sis in law is a selfish and inconsiderate person.

Passed On Down The Line

I asked my MIL not to go overboard with the ‘new grandson’ stuff this xmas because one of her daughters has been TTC for two years and is infertile. That daughter told her mother that the cause was PCOS right after our conversation. This was part of her email response:

“I am so sure that X (DH’s great-grandmother) had PCOS. She had Y (DH’s grandmother) right after marriage when she was very young, but then no other children. She was obese, and her daughter (DH’s aunt) didn’t have children. My paternal grandma had 9 children, and my other grandma had 4. Of course, my mom had 6! Anyway, I am sad that this condition has been passed on. Maybe the grandkids will be boys, and the problem can be stopped! (I don’t know if males can carry a gene for it??)”

Um, your son and your three daughters are all infertile. So if you’re saying it wasn’t you who passed it on (heard that loud and clear), then I guess it was your DH. Did you even read this before you hit send?

Oh, I forgot. We’re “fertile” now, because we have a kid. I forgot that’s how you understand the  situation.

So I guess your email was to make sure I knew that SIL’s PCOS wasn’t your fault. Hey, it’s not all about you, and it’s nobody’s fault.