…Then Comes Daughter In-Law Pushing a Baby Carriage…

Then we got pregnant.  The advice was out of control.  Do this, don’t do this.  Don’t clean the baby for a month, don’t let anyone hold the baby for a month, don’t microwave the breast milk, don’t vaccinate the baby, etc. etc. etc.  I tried to be diplomatic and tell her that I didn’t want to talk about things but she just didn’t seem to listen or to care.  I’d had it at 8 months and so I asked her to tone down the advice a little bit.  Well she did not take kindly to this and told me that I was a waste of her time, that I was zero to her, that she would rather have a relationship with a stranger, that I didn’t know anything about babies, that I had to be told what to do, and that I had a lot of work to do to rebuild our relationship.  When I said that perhaps she had misunderstood what I was saying, that it wasn’t that I didn’t want her advice but I just needed a break from it, she accused me of being a racist as English is her second language.  During her entire rant of 2 hours she made me stand in the kitchen (at 8 months pregnant) after I had driven a moving truck 3 hours to move closer to them (and left my job, my friends, my doctor, etc.).  Don’t ask why, I obviously was crazy. 

Then the baby was coming.  I had to be induced and the night before the baby was to arrive we went out to dinner with my MIL and FIL.  They were aware of the fact that I was to give birth the next day and yet they did not even wish me luck. 

Then I gave birth.  My MIL and FIL came to the hospital to visit us and did not even ask how I was doing (yes, after I had just given birth).  And my MIL even refused to hold the baby.  Since then we have probably seen them about 10 times and every time she has to tell me how she is a baby expert (mind you, she only has two kids like everyone else) and that I am doing everything wrong.  When our son was 3 weeks old she came over, took him into his room, closed the door, and let him cry for 2 hours — because he needed to exercise his lungs.  Some expert she is. 

Where is my husband in all of this?  He has grown up with this woman and is so bamboozled by her that he thinks that he deserves for her to treat him this way and that we have to give our parents some leeway.  This is more than leeway.  I don’t really know what to do about it.  On the one hand I would rather not ever see her again but that’s not really fair to my husband or my son.  On the other hand, I don’t think it’s really fair for me to have to deal with her when she has been so awful to me and I definitely do not want my son to think it’s okay for someone to treat me this way.  It’s a lose-lose situation for me whichever way I look at it.   To say that it has caused stress in my marriage is an understatement. 

And the worst part is…if you met her, you would probably love her. 

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