Ding-Dong

My FIL, in all his glorious fattitude, refuses to use our front door when he comes to visit because there are three steps up to the porch.

Instead, he drives his vehicle around to the garage doors to see if they are open. If they are, he will pull in if one of the stalls is empty (less distance to walk, don’t you know).

If the doors are down, he will honk his horn until one of us opens the garage doors for him.

This weekend, while my husband was gone, he stopped by and did just this.

Up to that point, I had contemplated adding a wireless doorbell to the pedestrian door to our garage so he can ring it and let us know he’s there. Now I’m thinking, “screw him” because he’s even too lazy to get out of the car to ring it.

By the way, this last time he honked while my husband was gone? I pretended I didn’t hear him and he drove away.

Empty!!

The folder for blog submissions has been emptied as all of them are now published!

So here’s another open call for your in-law stories, whether they be about MILs, FILs, SILs, etc. We ask that they be short, sweet and to the point.

Stories are published anonymously in the order they are received. They can be sent to inlawssuck@yahoo.com.

Also, this Sane In-Law may be a little too occupied in the second half of July to post much as she is expecting a baby around the 16th and not only does that mean taking leave of one’s senses for a while, it will probably mean taking leave of blogging for a week or so. But don’t let that keep you from sending in your stories, gripes, adventures and brain-dumps!

Aggressive Passive-Agressive

I met my husband going to church, and we became best friends and spent a lot of time together.  His parents didn’t like me, they couldn’t understand what I could want with their son who was 3 years younger than I was at the time.  Well, the truth was, at the time my husband was dealing with a lot of issues and since his family had moved around a lot he didn’t have a lot of friends, so he really enjoyed talking to me, and I felt like I was helping him and I enjoyed his friendship also.  His dad thought I had some secret agenda and his mom thought I was taking advantage of their little boy.  Well his parents didn’t even know what he was going through, and when he tried to tell them they just ignored him and said it was probably a phase. 

A few months later they said he should move out of the house, and gain some independence.  Even though he was paying for all of his food, clothes, school, books, and other items, his older sister was allowed to mooch off of them, and live there while not having a job or going to college.  When he was 19, and had gotten over his problems, we both started liking each other as more than friends.  When we started dating I felt like it was “meant to be.”.  A few months later we had gotten engaged, and then married. It was then that all the problems with the in-laws started. 

We had a small wedding at my parents house.  Only a few family members from both sides came.  Our wedding present from the MIL and FIL was a photo album from Rite Aid, a store where my MIL worked and where she got a discount. A month later we had our wedding reception so our friends and family could all celebrate with us.  My husband’s parents and brother and sisters decided not to come, all because they said people were going to talk about them (an idea that was completely out of left field).  Next, we were invited to the in-laws house for Thanksgiving, my husbands father, brother and oldest sister would not even come out of their rooms to say hello to us.  Two weeks before Christmas we invited my husband’s family to spend the holiday at my family’s house and they had accepted.  Christmas day came and they called a few hours before saying they had made plans to go to church with my husband’s brother, so they would not be coming.  His mom and sister decided out of the kindness of their heart to stop by for 5 minutes and drop our gifts off.  They got my husband a razor, and Antonio Banderas cologne from Rite Aid.  I got some kind of pancake mix and flavored syrup from Rite Aid as well.  After that we didn’t have much contact with his family. 

Around our 1 year anniversary my husband’s brother had dropped by my work and said he wanted me to tell my husband that his mother was in the hospital somewhere.  I called my husband and right after we got off work he called his sister to find out where his mom was.  Turns out that his mom had felt like she was going to commit suicide so she committed herself into a psych ward.  When we visited her, my husband’s dad wouldn’t even say “Hello” to him.  She ended up asking my husband to come to a counseling session later on, he said he wanted me to come for support.  We went and were basically ambushed, and told by her counselor that we were the reason why my MIL was in there.  My MIL said she was really sad that she didn’t get to be around her son, and felt like it was my fault.  When we both told her about how we had tried to invite them to things and they ignored us or didn’t come it had hurt us a lot.  She then told me that it wasn’t her fault and I should stop blaming her for everything.  (Something I had never done.)  Well a lot more was said, and I ended up walking out, it was driving me crazy that she was blaming us for her suicide attempt.  Oh yeah, and it was on the same day as our 1 year anniversary.  So I felt like crap.  After that she told her family that I had attacked her during her counseling session, and that I went off on her.  I had never even raised my voice to her that day.

Months later she had started calling my husband and asking how he was doing, never bothering to ask about me.  And in January they moved almost across the country from California to Tennessee.  (We found out weeks before they were moving from my parents, who had heard it from a person who worked with my FIL)  My husband’s mom only told him about a week before they were moving. Thanks for the notice…

Even after they moved she would only call and ask about my husband, until about a month ago when she found out I was pregnant.  Then all of a sudden she wanted to know how I am doing, and wanted us to come watch them renew their vows in November, and visit them.  She even said she wanted to come visit when the baby was born and stay for a while.  An idea too stressful to imagine. 

Just a few days ago my MIL wrote a letter asking my husband to call his dad and reach out to him.  Well after I wrote a 3 page letter to her explaining that we had tried to talk to the FIL and he ignored us, she got upset and said again to stop blaming her for everything.  Letters went back and forth through email between my MIL, FIL, my husband, and I.  I was told that I am a 3rd party and my FIL has no interest in hearing from me.  My MIL told my husband to start thinking for himself and wake up, as if he was brainwashed by me. 

We finally told them enough was enough and we didn’t want contact with them right now.  The FIL told my husband ”fine, have a great life, I’ll be sure to tell all your family you don’t want to talk to them and that they must have done something wrong.”  and the MIL said “I am not going to change how I am so that other people can feel better about themselves, and I will not continue to be blamed for everything.”

A day later my MIL had changed her mind and was wanting to try to resolve things again. 

I can’t help feeling like the only reason she wants to resolve things is due to the fact that I am going to have her grandchild in January.  I also can’t help but feeling like I never want to have a relationship with them.  I don’t want my husband to feel bad for talking to them, but I really wish I would not have to even think about my MIL trying to come and visit when our baby is born.

It Just Gets Better and Better

Initial Burn:
 
I wasn’t married when my husband and I sat at the kitchen table and told his parents wewere pregnant.  It was the 4 of us, his Mom and Dad, my husband and myself.  The same kitchen table the four of us had shared many stories and meals over the last year +.  At this kitchen table my mother-in-law’s response to us having a baby was “we already have 5 grandchildren”.  This began her existance as the MIL in my life.
 
IL’s punish the DH:
 
When I was pregnant, the MIL and FIL insisted we stay with then during our visit.  They live about 1 day’s car travel away.  I had random nausea and the thought of sleeping on an air mattress and getting sick in a toilet his whole family used (BILs, 1 SIL  – who hated my guts from the get go, nephews, you get the picture) did not appeal to me.  I’m not very outgoing and hey, I was just outside of my comfort level, ok? Well…. they argued and argued… my husband was so upset he cried.  I even asked if we could stay at his grandma’s house and that made things worse!!!  Was I the villain in the horrible story??  Later after I had my first son, I thought, “God, please, if my future DIL wants to sleep in a hotel instead of our house, let me have the decency to not be offended  and offer to pay for the room”
 
Still Mad:
 
Just recalling these nasty little events may cause me to be angry at my husband tomorrow.  I told my husband I didn’t want any visitors for the birth of baby #2.  I had breastfeeding issues with baby#1 and it was my true heart’s desire to breastfeedbaby #2.  DH did not express my wishes to ILs. They were there for 2 days after son #2’s birth.  FIL told jokes while I tried to ask the nurses important questions…. MIL (has health issues) needed help going to bathroom, moving around the hospital, and even had DH prop her feet up and help adjust seat cushions while I tried to get out of bed for the first time (C-section’s kind of hurt).  Completely unassisted, when I reached the bathroom I uttered a curse so vile, I’ll probably have to account for it on judgement day twice. 

My husband returned to the hospital to get me and our new baby while the ILs stayed at our home due to a nasty STOMACH VIRUS the FIL caught that had been going around for about 3 weeks.  I found out about the contamination to our newly NESTED home on the way home from the hospital.  I waked in the house with our new baby, somehow smiled at MIL and hugged her as she sat on the couch reading papers (glancing up just to say “hi and good-by”).  I told her we were going to my mother’s house since FIL was sick, adding “just to make sure” to the comment as to buffer the offense.  She said that the baby had my immunities and I needn’t worry about the baby getting sick. I didn’t bother to tell her to *$^%  @**.  Was she actually implying I could get a stomach virus and still take care of my family, our new baby, …. breastfeed?  Why chance it??!!  I spent the first night home with my second baby at my parent’s house.  I missed my DH very, very much.  I am still mad about this whole darn thing to this day, and do pray for God to help me forgive and forget!!!

Does It Make Me Guilty, Too?

My husband and I have been together for four years.  Two years ago, my husband’s dad offered to take all of our kids on vacation for a week.  We were engaged at the time, and so jumped at the offer – and quickly planned to elope while we had some time away from the kids.

The problems with my FIL started the day of our wedding, when my children (1 of mine + 3 new stepchildren) called us to say their grandpa had left them at the movie theater, and they didn’t know where he was.  They had never been left alone in a theater before (ages 5, 7, 9, and 11).  I’m 1500 miles away and panicking.  New hubby got him in the phone and back there, but this was only a preview of what was to come.

FIL then took the kids to a cabin on a lake, where his “coworker” and her two young sons and infant joined them.  Well…one of the “coworker’s” kids told our kids that FIL was the infant’s dad.  WHA???? 

Sure enough – FIL has been carrying on an affair with one of his coworkers for years – long enough to have made a baby that was at that point 6 months old.

Here’s the problem…FIL is married (and not to his “coworker”).  Step-MIL is recovering from breast cancer, and a deeply, deeply religious woman.  So aside from the fact that my FIL did a crap job of caring for our kids – now we know he’s cheating on his wife, and everyone local tells us it’s none of our business, we shouldn’t say anything to Step-MIL.

I just feel like such a creep, you know?  I know this woman’s life with her husband is a sham, and she doesn’t even know what he’s up to.  Apparently he visits his new son every Sunday when his wife thinks he’s at church (they go to different churches).  When my husband confronted him, he said he was going to tell his wife as soon as her battle with cancer was over.

She’s been in remission for over a year now.  Every time we see them I feel guilty.  How would you handle it?

Another White-Gloved MIL

Dear MIL,

I invited you to my home to celebrate a quiet, peaceful Mother’s Day brunch.  This was not an invitation for you to critique my housekeeping skills (which are fine, btw!!).  While the rest of us were enjoying eggs benedict, you were on your hands and knees dusting the piano pedals.  Was this really necessary? 

I’m having another mimosa.

Yours in Marriage,

A Sane In-Law

Karma is Watching You, MIL

Last summer I left a knitting magazine at my in-laws. I asked if they could hang on to it till their visit to us or till our next visit. We had just moved the last of my husband’s stuff out of their garage (he has a huge collection of comics) and I thought asking them to hang onto one lousy magazine wouldn’t be a problem.

MIL said that FIL didn’t know what it was and almost threw it away, so she was too nervous to keep it around. Oh, and by the way, she was putting some clothes for my son into the suitcase they were bringing on their visit. Was there anything in particular that we needed? I asked if she could pack the magazine. No, she couldn’t. She mailed it (first class priority air postage = $18, magazine = $20).

Three months later she showed up with a very large suitcase full of clothes for my 10 month old son, for ages 1 year to 2 years and all seasons. While they were visiting us, a tree took out their entire garage.

My Mother-In-Law Drives Me Crazy

My mother in law drives me crazy.  I see her three times a week.  This is not by choice.

I am not saying she was a terrible mother, I am saying she is a very different one.  She smoked cigarettes and pot while she was pregnant.  She was high when she delivered my husband. She took her newborn son out on rides on her motorcycle (where she merely held him against her, no restraint system for him or helmet for her).  She was regularly arrested for distribution of illegal substances.  She was a single mother and my husband has regular memories of spending time in places where he was in the living room and he knew she was getting laid.  This was before he entered first grade. 

She still smokes around my child.

I won’t let my child spend any unsupervised time alone with her.

I was thinking about moving for my job and she said wherever we moved to, she was coming as well. 

She gives me advice about how to raise children.  Because whatever she did, she believes worked.  What it really was is that she met a very steady man when my husband turned six and that changed his life.  If she was to continue on that path, she would have been a junkie and my husband would have been a junkie as well.

Thank you for having this site.  This is the first time I have vented about my frustration and I do feel better.

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