Oh Just the Beginning

My husband and I just got married. We have lived together for 2 years, and nothing changed but a ring on my finger and my last name. Let me back up. When I moved in with my husband his mom had told him not to trust me. I didn’t say anything because we had just moved in together and I didn’t feel it was my place.

 

We got engaged and his mom says, “OH NO!!!” While I was standing right there. And then started crying. I just smiled. I was so shocked I couldn’t say anything.

 

DH wanted the wedding at his parents house because they have a huge house and a great yard. The week of the wedding I helped MIL clean, cook, and take care of her grandson. I would get up early to help make breakfast and to set the table. We were staying at MIL’s house with DH brother, and brother’s 1 year old son. Not a big deal. She actually suggested we stay there instead of getting a hotel. So I felt the need to help out.

 

The wedding went great!!! Very beautiful!

 

The day after the wedding DH and I went to the house to help clean up. I was standing right out the kitchen window with my Maid of Honor cleaning up and I hear MIL tell DH that I was a rude person! That I didn’t help with anything this whole week, and that all I did was sit on the couch doing nothing.

 

WHAT!?!?!?!

 

I chose not to bring it up since MIL only got one hour of sleep. I didn’t want to start an argument.

 

Next day DH and I are at home. MIL brings over food from the wedding because we had a lot left over. I was on the phone with my best friendfighting. I said hi to MIL and FIL. I told my BF that I would have to call her back. IL’s walked out the door. I thought nothing of this.

 

DH went to lunch with IL’s that day and he came home really upset. I asked him what the conversation was about, and of course it was about me. I guess MIL was talking about me behind my back. Yet she was sweet as pie to my face.

 

Pissed off I called her. She proceeded to tell me that it offended her that I did not say hi when they stopped by to drop off the food. That I was rude and ignored them. That they said hi 3 different times and I didn’t say anything back. That I was more into who ever was on the phone then them. I had kind of lost it. I am not one to get into arguments, but I had told her that ever since I have lived with DH she has had this attitude with me for some reason. She would be sweet to me but when DH got around she would tell him things like not to trust me. When we got engaged she cried, and not happy tears. She was the one rude to me this whole week while I cleaned, and helped cook, and everything I did.

 

She then told me that I had not helped out while I was there. I was rude when they asked me questions about where I wanted to put what. And that I was just in general rude.

 

WHAT THE HELL!?!?!

 

I had no idea where this was coming from and it really upset. I told her that I could not talk to her at the moment and I would call her when I calmed down.

 

I talked to DH about this. He said this was what his mom had said a lunch. And she even compared me to his brother’s ex-wife. She even said I would do to DH what ex-wife had done to his brother.

 

I was highly offended!!!

 

I can’t talk to her about it because no matter what I would always be wrong. And I would never be good enough for her son.

 

I have talked to a friend about this situation who kind of had the same thing go on. She just told me, “be prepared because this is what it is going to be like your whole life.”

 

Great! This is just the start.

No Thank You

Early July was my birthday. Par for the course, my MIL sent me a card with my gift enclosed. I will admit that it was a very generous gift, so later that day, we went to their house and I personally thanked her for it. I also let her know at that time that she has the wrong house number for our address, but luckily her card was delivered to us, and told her the correct one but wasn’t sure why I bothered as she had been a bit “tipsy”.

Fast forward about four weeks and she brings a check to my husband (her son) where he works with instructions to open a savings account for our newborn.

Then last night, my husband comes home after stopping by the in-laws house and tells me that MIL is pissed at me because I didn’t thank her for the baby’s check, but instead had the gall to “bitch her out for sending it to the wrong address”.

What the f*ck?!

At first he couldn’t figure out what the hell she was talking about because we weren’t mailed the check for the baby; plus he was there a month earlier when I thanked her for the check. Then he figured it out and realized in her “altered” state, she had lost track of time and events. He came to my defense and not only reminded her that she hand delivered the check, which he personally thanked her for, but that I was nothing but kind about the address confusion, to which he added that she has been told more than once that she has our address wrong.

What pisses me off is that I had seen MIL the night before she said these things to my husband and acted as sweet as pie to my face while she must have been thinking what an ungrateful whore I was. However, I should know better since she’s always bad-mouthing her DILs behind their backs to anyone who will listen, even if it’s to their husbands.

Babies Are Small So It Shouldn’t Matter, Right?

We have been going back and forth with MIL, her sis, and her parents about when they were planning to visit after the baby is born. MIL wanted to come for her birthday which is just two weeks after the baby’s due date. We worked out a compromise where they could come the first week in October as long as they stayed in a hotel. I still wasn’t very happy about that, but it was definitely better than two weeks! So I thought everything was solved and all good. Wrong.

We have heard off and on recently that the grandfather wasn’t going to be able to make the trip out here because of recent health issues so eventually he wanted to fly us to see him instead. We said several times that there would be no way we would be able to go up there this year because DH and I will be out of vacation time and it’s just not feasible with that tiny of a baby so they said that they would be fine with sometime next year. I was still a bit irritated, but what happened this weekend is so much worse!

DH’s grandparents have decided that they want us to fly to see them with the baby when they were planning to come here. They also want to have MIL fly out there too so she can see the baby instead of her flying here. The sis already lives in the same city as the grandparents, so she wouldn’t have to fly anywhere. What DH and I think is really happening is that DH’s mom’s sis doesn’t want to drive the grandparents (because the grandfather won’t fly) down here to see us. So she put a bug in the grandfather’s ear to have us go up there because it would be easier for her.

I will pause here a moment to remind everyone that Baby will be barely a month old at this time and everyone I know wants to fly somewhere with basically a newborn. Another thing to give pause is that we are 99.9% sure that I’m having a c-section. I totally  want to fly a month after having surgery.

DH told his mom absolutely not. No way would we fly to see them with a brand new baby and me right after a c-section. Plus he said that he didn’t think the doctors would let me so soon after the c-section and they wouldn’t let Baby so soon after birth. He also said that he didn’t think the airlines would let us fly with Baby that little. She told us that’s what she thought, but to look into it and see what we could do. Why she couldn’t just say NO and move on is beyond me.

I looked up all the necessary information so we can prove it to them that it’s not possible. Everything I’ve found says no or strongly recommends against it. The airlines don’t like it and don’t recommend it, but they will let you after the baby is a week to two weeks old. I have read several places that air travel is really hard on baby’s ears. We would have to have identification for Baby in the form of the birth certificate which takes some time to arrive. We would have to take so much stuff with us because they aren’t equipped to handle a baby. Most importantly, we would have to take the car seat and probably the stroller. Both are “oversized” and require checking at $100-$150 a piece each way. There would be nowhere for Baby to sleep (MIL’s answer to this was that “they’re so tiny, they sleep anywhere”). It would also totally mess up Baby’s schedule just when we’re trying to get it setup. According to what I’ve read about c-sections, you can’t lift anything heavier than the baby for 4-6 weeks and you shouldn’t do anything too stressful or strenuous (like travel) for that long either. So DH would get stuck carrying most of our stuff because I would have to carry Baby and because of the c-section. We are also going to ask the Dr when we go on Thursday. I know that she will say no too, but this way we have covered all the bases.

It just irritates me to pieces that no one thought this through before pestering us about it. These are all people who have had children so they should know what it’s like. Think for two minutes people and you will realize that taking a one month old on an airplane to a place that’s not equipped for babies is the dumbest idea on the planet. I don’t care that DH’s mom says they’re so tiny at that stage that you can just do anything with them. It’s stupid. They should all realize this. I know that they are not going to accept or like no as an answer no matter how much proof we have. I don’t care. DH and I are standing firm on this and will not back down! What a mess this is going to be and right at a time when we least need this!