Former BIL

I could write a novel on how much my former brother-in-law sucks. To start with, he cheated on my still-struggling-with-cancer sister and then began divorce proceedings so he could marry his mistress.  During the divorce proceedings he secretly took my nephew to get tested to see if BIL really was his father.  Turns out he was not.  My sister was dating several people around the same time and I think, although do not know, she really believed nephew was his.  He then used that information against her in the bid for full custody of both children (despite the fact he never gave nephew his last name) indicating he didn’t want his daughter to be that kind of woman. Both my younger sister and my mother had children out of wedlock.  He didn’t want his daughter to be a 3rd generation unwed mother.  We won’t point out the hypocrisy that he thought the boy was his for years so clearly he was contributing to the unwed mother issue. 

The final indicator of his extreme level of suck, he was on vacation with the kids when my sister died.  My parents had been living in their house for the year before she died helping take care of her and the kids.  He had been living and working in another state.  He took the children back to his state and wrote up a notice to quit (eviction notice) giving my parents two hours to get out of the house that he then gave them immediately.  They had two hours to pack up everything they could of theirs, never mind actually picking up any mementos of their daughter. 

Oh wait, there was a further level of suck.  He told my niece who was maybe 11 at the time she had to choose between her mother’s dog (who was kind of old at that point) or her kitten to take with her back to his state.  She chose the kitten.  After he had the dog put down, he never went and got the kitten so friends of my sister’s who were picking up horses she bequeathed to them picked up the cat at the same time and took it to my parents.  My sister’s horses were all willed to other people and he tried to sell them before they could get them so he didn’t have to care for them until they arrived from the west coast.

He also booted my nephew, his step-son that he allegedly wanted, out two weeks after his high school graduation.  He didn’t know where to go so he too lives with my parents.  BIL had originally promised to pay for nephew’s schooling but after three years has only coughed up one semester’s worth making it impossible for him to go on any regular basis.

You Say MILDEW, and I say MILDUE

A little change to the blog has occurred, which you may or may not have even noticed if I hadn’t pointed them out. M.I.L.D.E.W. and it’s reference to Mothers-In-Law Do Everything Wrong (or is it Mother-in-LawS?). Instead, it is now M.I.L.D.U.E. – Most In-Laws Do Utterly Exasperate.

The reason for the change is two-fold:

1) On more than one occasion I’ve been asked if the stories have to be about the Mother-In-Law, to which the answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT! While MILs are stereotyped as the devil-incarnates, it certainly is not the case for many of us, and certainly not in own marriage (OK, to cut some slack to my own in-laws, they sometimes are just plain WEIRD!).

2) There was a virtual pillow fight with a Liz Bluper and Renee Plastique, the authors of the book Mothers-In-Law Do Everything Wrong: M.I.L.D.E.W., and I have agreed that it was best to trade off to M.I.L.D.U.E. in exchange for some hair-braiding and boob-flashing (that IS  what happens during a pillow fight, right?). You can find more about the Liz and Renee at their site.

As always, any stories submitted via email (inlawssuck@yahoo.com) are published anonymously and in the order received.

Pushy MIL . . . Literally

I have had so many problems with my MIL and FIL that I don’t even know where to begin!  Fifteen months ago, when I was visiting my stepmother in KS with my two-month-old son and seven-year-old daughter, I invited MIL over for the afternoon and dinner so that she would would have a chance to see the grandchildren before I returned home to NH.  We were only there for a few days, but apparently this was not good enough for her.  It must be said that MIL and I have always had a strained relationship. 

When my infant son started to get tired, I went downstairs to put him to bed.  MIL followed me, cornered me, and began to verbally attack me for not sleeping at their home, spending enough time with them, visiting their family, etc.  My little brother had recently and tragically died, and I tried to tell her that I was still mourning his death and that I was not really visiting anyone… she cut me off and told me that it wasn’t about me, it was about her.  I told MIL that I did not like being pushed by people/ told what to do.  She began to advance on me, demanding that I give her my children to spend the next day with her.  I pointed out that I was nursing the baby, and that he would eventually cry for food.  She said She did not care! 

This went on for a little while, her crying, yelling, demanding, etc. all the while I was remaining calm yet firm.  Finally, as it was going nowhere, I told her that I would not continue to have this argument.  The whole time, my daughter and stepmother were upstairs and could hear everything.  MIL sat down on the stairs, and she happens to be a large woman.  She threw her arms out, and would not let me pass.  I had to physically climb over her to get by!!! 

She followed me into the room where mystepmother was trying to distract my daughter and screamed that she was leaving and could not stay.  Then, she looked at my daughter and said, “I love your mother, but she does things and says things and all they do is make me really mad!”  My daughter began to cry, and my stepmother escorted MIL out of the house. 

There has been a lot of back and forth since then, mostly through letters, but things have just gotten worse.  MIL and FIL tried very hard to drive a wedge between my husband and I, but thankfully, after many fights and long talks, he finally came around and saw them for what they were and how badly they were treating me.  We are now stronger in our relationship than ever, and nothing could make the inlaws angrier.  In the meantime, their relationship with their son is strained, at best, their relationship to their grandchildren is basically non-existent, and all of this is because they refuse to accept our boundaries and the fact that we are adults.  In one letter to us they made demands regarding how we spend our time and about our children.  We responded by saying that we are adults and we are the only two people who will have a say in how, where, and with whom us and our children spend our time.  Unfortunately, MIL and FIL are too stubborn…there position and refusal to accept us has cost them a great deal. 

They spent last Christmas alone, and the last time I visited KS they sacrificed seeing their grandchildren because it was not on their terms.  How sad is that?  I would like to move forward, but my husband and I agree that it can not happen until they can respect us and our wishes.  At least after finding this site, I know they are not alone.  I do not wish my MIL and FIL harm, but I do daydream about them being on a bus that is forever lost and on its way to nowhere.  I suspect I am not alone in this sentiment. 

Signed: Trying to Rise Abve It All