I read a lot of stories about the manipulative MIL, the bully MIL, etc. My issue is the Self-Victimizing MIL. She’s done it for years, a real pro.
I recently married my wonderful DH. Throughout the planning of the wedding, MIL constantly crossed lines. She whined constantly about the lack of info (we’d tell her, she’d forget due to meds and just a lackadaisical way of life). She’d email our bridal parties and bitch out whomever ‘wasn’t doing their duty.’ Said I was selfish since I had a lingerie party (thrown FOR me!!). Keeping in mind we: pay her bills, clean her hoarder apartment when it gets unlivable (often), and treat her to haircuts and groceries since she is constantly broke…yet always has perfect gel nails (what your taxes pay for, folks!)
The day OF and before the wedding, she was noticeably bitchy; barely spoke to me, snapped at my mum, just was a miserable wet rag. Oh, she was lovely for the ceremony and speech…but everyone noticed she had something up her @$$!!! Interrupted a special moment with me and DH to berate us for not having a closer smoking area; and believe me, she was PISSED. Um, your son just got married….
My Maid of Honor (also my SIL!!!!) got just incredibly intoxicated (no one minded!) and happened to take a spill at the end of the night. She bled, and if you know my SIL, you do not tell her she isn’t that hurt/sick.etc. Well, MIL does just that, standing over her. SIL flailed her arms in anger, and knocked MIL’s glasses…AND MIL THREW A LARGE VASE OF WATER AT HER OWN DAUGHTER. In the middle of the dancefloor. In front of (luckily) 1/3 of the guests. Well, SIL proceeded to scream and sob like an infant, throwing herself to the ground regularly with her bf trailing behind. My DH comforted MIL (great). I shooshed over to SIL in my big dress and said, “what can I do right now, to make you feel better?” SIL replied, “I’m not riding in a car with her!” So i shoosh back over to MIL and DH and cheerfully, in my best diplomatic voice say, “So SIL & BF are gonna stay at the motel, MIL, we can drop you off on our way to the hotel.”…OMG. Her eyes narrowed into little slits….and she BITCHED. Bitched at the utter injustice of our assumption that she shouldn’t drive (she takes pain pills *cough* and shouldn’t drink at all). Yeah, really made a case for sobriety. The night ended with our guests forcing us into our car to get away from the drama, and my DH yelling for everyone to “STFU” (which, of course, was ‘only directed at her…”)….a great end to what was a perfect day.
Upon getting home the next day, I tell DH he should likely check on MIL. He did (calling her on his honeymoon…bet she loved that!) and she bitched at HIM and US for the incident!!!!!!!!! Said that she felt interrogated over drinking (well, the sober don’t tend to launch vases at their daughters…). Also said she didn’t enjoy her son’s wedding….just a knife to our (especially my) hearts. She followed this up with stupid facebook posts (poor DH has to put up with his close friends poking fun of the awful, sappy, and disturbing pics she CONSTANTLY posts on her wall and others’…y’know, puppy abuse pics and stuff) on my wall, acting like it never happened. She tossed in several passive aggressive comments. I ceased responding.
Finally, we had it out. And she played the victim like none other. Brought up every. Tiny. Thing. Wrong. In. My. Wedding. Most of which was ridiculous; we know it was a great time for all our guests. But she screamed and ranted, cried, said DH loves his dad more now (the hell?!), she didn’t get a minute alone with her son (she did. She was a moron. She was LATE by a minimum of 2 HOURS for the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, and the hotel. We all went to the salon together so she wouldn’t feel left out…OR miss her appointment. Believe me, there’s no chances with her; she’ll be late)). She LIED and said I ‘didn’t let her get her hair the way she wanted’. BULL.I’d never do that. She told me her ex’s family (DH’s grandparents, uncles and aunts, etc) were angry with me, everyone hated the venue, it was a disaster. How she had to WALK with a BROKEN NECK (ohh believe me, bullshit!!!) in the DARK! (after being offered a ride and apparently being sober enough to drive)….AND every time we’d say she was ridiculous to be angry about this stuff, she’d say she WASN’T mad and kept laying into us. Guess what, B****; screaming like a banshee=angry lady. For an HOUR. DH would raise his voice to be heard and she’d scream over him, not giving him a chance, nor me (I got in some good points…she was furious with the friggin LOGIC).
I stood up for myself: I said all I was willing to apologize for was a lack of organization and if she felt unappreciated, but that was it (I had apologized prior to her rant sincerely and calmly) And that we expected an apology for her drama, especially since we KNOW our guests had a blast. She screamed and had a hissy fit, totally uncensored (does she KNOW what I wanted to say and didn’t???). She went right for my jugular and got it! Then she kicked us out….as we are going through the door she starts sobbing and tries to force a $100 into DH’s hand (sobbing how DH has changed…yeah, he isn’t a doormat), which he tries to refuse. I finally say “NO. That isn’t fair,” which he repeated. So we leave, she’s bawling even though she just laid into us FAR MORE than we have to her (keeping in mind all she could say was there is a wedge between her and DH, she didn’t get enough time with him, I don’t understand, the wedding was heinous, and we’re just shameful people). I am angry. Hurt. More than I was before. And I know that this B**** has us all convinced she’s unstable. So we get a coffee. I suggest DH get her one and run up to her apartment, just so we arent leaving so badly (HIGH ROAD! Anyone see me take it?!) and to make it easy I’ll wait in the car. I WAITED OVER AN HOUR. At which point i was texted a gooey, “so sorry lets move on” from MIL as DH re-entered the car. Here’s what I KNOW: when she says sorry, it means “I’ve said all I wanted to! Let’s forget the hateful things I said and move on like it never happened!”. When DH says he was firm, it means “I totally told her I was still mad…while comforting her and giving in completely”.
SO: I am more alone now as the one who won’t get over it. Well, maybe because she opened up a whole other can of worms by telling me how awful my wedding was…zeroed in on my doubts…and I feel so awful. Depression has really struck me here…I know I had a perfect day but her comments really got to me. And no one cares since it’s been ‘dealt with’…dealt with? She got EXACTLY what she wanted.