10 Random Gems

Ten random gems from MIL:

1. “Your rules are silly, this is what we do at grandma’s instead”… (not anymore, just fyi, no watching our kid now).
2. “But you get him (*my kid*) way more often than me”!!!!!!
3. “Please let SIL watch him” (she’s cut off because among other reasons she threatened to take our child and said she could do so at any time and when we knew it’d be too late).
4. “You can change his sleep schedule you know” (in response to telling her she needed to put him to sleep when she used to watch him, she kept him up to play instead).
5. She cried because we missed a visit at her house to attend a viewing for a friend’s son.
6. “Oh (my kid) you’re my favorite!”  (In front of her husband SFIL, whose son just had a child last month.  There are also two other GC).
7. When we have confronted her in the past, she giggles like what we called her on is “cute”.
8. Woke up our child at my step-father’s viewing- RIGHT AFTER being told not to- because she “needed comfort”.  He hadn’t slept all day.
9. I am a SAHM.  No matter what my kiddo learns or knows, he gets it all from DH, or my kid picks it up naturally.  Never mentions me or any contribution I may make to my child’s life.
10. Wonder if she’ll ever ask how my c-section went or how I was feeling after?  My kid is almost 21 months old… probably not.

When In-Laws Get Terminal

My FILs health has been on the rapid decline over the past few months after he decided giving chemo a try for the multitude of cancers that have recently been discovered. A couple of years ago, a form of cancer was found and at that time he went with the hormone treatment and surgery as his overall health was not conducive to anything like chemo or radiation.

The treatments are kicking his ass, but not the cancers’. His malaise and fatigue are so bad that he’s been hospitalized for fluids building up in his chest cavity due to lack of physical activity. He’s made it to his ninth decade of life, morbidly obese and hasn’t been able to walk from one end of our home to other without being utterly winded, and this was BEFORE the cancer. His own home is a trap, narrow and cramped, preventing him from even manipulating his walker. It’s guts me to watch my husband watch his dad wither.

A few weeks ago when FIL went to the hospital for the first time with the fluid building up, he was taken by ambulance. It was a scary situation and what turned into a possible overnight stay turned into a four-night stay. One of the first things my MIL asked upon hearing he was not coming home that night was, “Well, what about me?!”

He since has gone home under very strict home instructions like elevating the legs when sitting, physical therapy, and diet restrictions. He thinks the therapy is “torture” so he doesn’t go. The diet is being maintained only because the chemo makes him sick. And the MIL complains that when he puts his feet up, it blocks her path.

She sounds selfish, doesn’t she? But he takes the cake. MIL has been on the wagon for a couple of years, but not voluntarily. It was a family-induced prohibition. FIL had set aside HIS alcohol in the basement because she was incapable of managing the stairs, but when his illness became so bad he could no longer manage the stairs, he brought the booze upstairs. Of course, he couldn’t NOT offer his wife a nightcap so he would mix her one knowing full well she’s recovering. He’s defending his actions by saying he’d only give her one. What he didn’t know is that once he fell asleep, and really he’s rarely awake, she was shooting it down, one jigger at a time. Insensitive and ignorant grandchildren were providing it in the form of either birthday or Christmas gifts, knowing grandma’s problem, because my husband had prohibited the home nursing aide from buying it for them.

I know. This isn’t cohesive and probably sounds like I’m being just the bitchy DIL, but there isn’t enough white space here to truly explain this further without providing enough details here to get myself googled and busted. I had to get it off my chest. My poor husband has to witness his parents killing each other and themselves and he feels trapped between the demands of being the respective son and a responsible human being.

In-Law Phobia

Soceraphobia – fear of parents-in-law.

While I’m not scared of mine, much like flying, spiders, bats and anything similar that makes me want to throw up when I experience them, I try to avoid them.

Facebook Drama

I’m a bit hesitatant to submit this. While searching on Google for a website that would make me feel validated, I first came across a Christian family counseling site and a site related to “letting go of your inner brat”. Both suggested being the bigger person and letting it go. I considered, then came across this site and just can’t resist. Yes I’m being a brat and yes I should confess my horrible thoughts and feelings towards my in-laws. And I’m okay with that.

The 5 years of my husband and I dating was amazing. I had a whole new family and it was a great thing. Then we got married. The 6 years since has been non-stop judgment, drama, and just nonsense. I absolutely love him to death and don’t know how he is so normal. His family is just something else. Most recently the issue was with my SIL- my husband’s brother’s wife, who has always, in my humble opinion, been a lowclass trashy beeyotch. We came to a point where we found we could agree on something- complaints about our shared MIL. And suddenly the SIL didn’t seem so bad. Until she started posting shit about us on Facebook. Seriously, out of nowhere. It’s definitely possible that we did something to piss her off, but we really don’t know what it was. When we called to ask about it, she of course denied her post being about us. And she then posted again on FB about people making things about them and then posted very specific things that were without a doubt about our 2-year-old child. Really? You’re going to take the passive aggressive route? On Facebook? So I deleted her. And she threw a fit…”You UNFRIENDED ME?!?!?”. Yes bitch. I did. Facebook is not the be all and end all. It is a website. For being social. And I have no interest in socializing with that piece of garbage anymore than I have to.

It’s been 6 months and I’m no longer angry about the whole thing, but I saw a side of her that I just can’t forget. My mom tells me to “be an adult”. But I can’t bring myself to pretend to have any respect for the SIL. What she said about us isn’t the point- it’s just that she posted things publically for other shared family to see that was obviously about us. The phone calls we got about the posts before we saw them for ourselves asking if we’re okay were humiliating. You just don’t do that.

Job Judgement

Well, I saw this site and thought I may have seen the second coming of Christ after reading some of these stories, but here’s my quick one, I’ll try to keep it short and simple.

My quick story basically began when my fiancée, now wife, and I found out she was pregnant and my parents decided to completely disown her and in the process, me, also. Fortunately, my soon-to-be MIL was kind enough to let us move in with her for a year until we can get on our feet and support ourselves. So, I packed up everything I had at my parents (almost) and moved 1500 miles away (from Maryland to Texas) and we’ve been here for almost a year, so that time of needing to pay bills and such is coming up, nonetheless.

Things were fine for the first few months, then we got married and had our first child and life began a new chapter for each of us. We are still in the process of making peace with my parents, at least we are on speaking terms and have a relationship, I mean, it’s not perfect but it’s definitely good right now so I cannot complain too much.

It was about 2 or 3 months ago, when my wife told me that my MIL talks crap behind my back that I don’t make enough money and should find a different job (I work as a server in a restaurant). Except according to my wife, she says the MIL didn’t say it to me because she feels that it is “not her place to say that to me,” which I understand, but honestly, I tell everybody, if you have a problem with me, then address it to me because tension culminates and when that happens, it makes a blowup, which is exactly what happened between my wife and my parents about a week after we told them the news. So, more to the point, one job I’ve wanted to go full time at for so long is at The Walt Disney Company in Florida, which I could not do a few years ago because I needed to finish my college degree. Now, I am at the point where I have the money and can move there to do it all, but the MIL of course has an opinion and is like “there’s no career there, that’s for like the elderly and the college kids, not people like you.” It’s very obvious to me that she has no regard for my feelings or what’s in my heart as a career. My job there is what led my wife and I together and we used to talk about moving there and going full time because we say all the time “we owe Disney so much.”

Ever since the MIL has been back in her life, she manipulates, plants seeds in her head that I’m basically a kid or not mature enough, things like everything I want are not enough and not going to work to support her and my son. It’s like, she hasn’t even given me a chance to try let alone even lived that life when both my wife and I have and survived just fine. I know one reason for her attitude on careers and money is solely because she owns her own company and works for like 3 or 4 others all at the same time, so to her, it’s obvious I don’t do what she does and anything I do won’t impress her, unless I’m the heir to like Steve Jobs or Donald Trump.

She just doesn’t understand that Disney is my dream and a big part of my life and asking me to completely throw it away is not going to happen because I have a job for them and it paid well and I got raises and get chances to advance my career and position within the company. Any time I basically bring up the topic whether it’s a vacation there, a career there, or most recently, a Christmas or housing decoration, she jumps all over me saying “you need to grow up and know your place and quit talking back on me.” Basically, her opinion is that it’s too childish a career to have let alone to have it exhibited reflects poorly on me and my wife (the sub-text I just know is “what are people gonna think of me and how I raised my daughter?” anybody can realize that). Every single time, I just try and express my feelings or defend my thoughts and she considers it bitching or back talking and it’s driving me crazy.

I’m sorry to ramble on, but I just fear that this could lead to a demise in my personal and work life, and especially in my marriage. Although my wife and I are fixing to move out after 2012 rings in, I fear this hostility and control thing will not stop. I just don’t know what I’m gonna do, I’m just scared this whole thing could be past the point of no return and the only solution will be either move far, far away or just leave the whole thing altogether.

There’s no getting through to my MIL because she’s so hard headed, doesn’t show emotions, let alone really let people in because of past relationships whether they were serious or not. Her heart’s honestly guarded by fireproof objects like barbed wire and chains.

I just need some help and advice, anything at this point, I’m just close to breaking down and leaving it all behind.

In-Laws on Facebook

My relationship with my SIL and her adult children has been strained for years. However, because we are all adults, when the SIL and one of her children requested to be friends with me on Facebook, I accepted. I figured they made the effort so could I.

Several months went by and while we rarely reciprocated with each other, I made sure to filter any of my updates they may find offensive. Again, for the sake of playing nice.

I just noticed that they have both now unfriended me. If it had been one of them, I could have seen it as a possible glitch. Both though has me wondering what the hell I did wrong this time to offend them.

I’m torn between asking them which I would hope cause some embarrassment; to not asking because I want to pretend I don’t even notice or care. It’s not like we interacted with each other. The only thing we have in common is that they are related to my husband. I’m angry, upset and even a bit humiliated since I knew it had to be a joint decision where I was the topic of a back-stabbing. And not knowing why makes my stomach clench.

Driving Me Nuts

My FIL believes that garage door openers need to be hidden in the car, not left out in the open. He says that if thieves can see the opener, they will break into the car, try to get the code for the opener and then break into your house.

This is from the same guy who when he went to church, would leave the keys in the car and shift it to neutral. This was supposed to prevent the ruining of the drivetrain in case “some asshole” ran into his car while he was in the church. Supposedly he has stopped doing this.

After the election of Obama to office, he went out and bought himself an insanely expensive, gas-guzzling SUV because he was convinced that once in office, Obama was going to ban all but electric cars. Two years have passed and that SUV has less than 1,500 miles. Yes, that comma is in the right place and no, no zeros are missing. He can’t drive it. It’s too complicated to run and too hard to get in. Did I mention that my FIL will be 90? He shouldn’t even have a driver’s license because he can’t see!

Now he has to come to grips with the realization that since he can’t drive it, he’ll need to sell it. If someone has the kind of money he wants for that ridiculous vehicle, they sure the hell aren’t going to spend it on a ”used” car, and he doesn’t get that.

Lord, give me the strength…

Via a Daughter-in-Law:

My Place or Mine?

My husband’s sister (SIL), his niece (NIL) and the niece’s daughter (NILD) are coming to visit for the first time in over a year. They are staying at his other sister’s, (SIL2) who lives locally. Since I’ve recently become a SAHM and have a daughter the same age as NILD, I was expecting NIL to bring NILD over to our house to play one of the afternoons she is here…just because. I mean all my daughter’s toys are here and it would give NIL and myself a chance to catch up…

I found out that if I want to see NIL or NILD, I “have to go to her house”. I find this rather rude since my daughter is afraid of their dog and I’m allergic. I know I’m being self-centered since NIL and her daughter did travel to our city, but really? Why does SIL2 seem to think that her home has to be the hub of any interaction? I resent it.

It’s Her Birthday and We’ll Do What I Want

My MIL’s birthday was recently and for family birthdays, the birthday-girl or -boy gets to pick the place to go out to eat. My husband, her son, talked to her on the phone and since she wasn’t sure where she wanted to go, he made  several suggestions based on what she’s liked in the past. She decided on a casual evening at a pizza place.

A couple of hours later, SIL calls and says that MIL would really like asian food instead and asked her brother if he would be OK with that since my husband really does not like the food and neither does my son. He told her such, but said if that’s what MIL wanted then I guess we would make do somehow. But, he asked, I thought she wanted pizza? No, she doesn’t, was the SIL’s response.

Knowing how SIL can be, my husband called MIL to find out why she changed her mind. MIL told him that she didn’t tell her daughter that she wanted asian and she got angry about it. MIL then called SIL and said they were going for pizza. SIL responded, Fine! We’ll just drop off your present and cake and leave because WE don’t want pizza!

She must have thought my husband would never question her because she normally always gets her way. She was totally busted this time. Oh, and she did show up but stayed and ate with the rest of us and acted as if it was in their plans the whole time.

Let me count the ways…

My inlaws, all of them, drive me insane! They are so not a normal family. My husband comes from a family of eight children, I will give you a short synopsis of each one….

 

First there is my MIL. She is a total pushover, and I swear she is brainless. Our daughter will never be equal to my SIL’s children, she has no interest in her what so ever. 

 

The oldest brother is an alcoholic living in a homeless shelter. He wants to live with my husband, my daughter and I. I said no. Absolutely not. Now he bad mouths me and calls me a bitch.

 

The next in line is the only SIL that I like. Thank God for her.

 

Next, my BIL and his wife. They live in filth. They smoke..constantly..in their house, around their children, who have no clothes and do not go to school. Nice, right?

 

Next…My Gay BIL, the only normal one in the family. I love him, dearly.

 

Oh, my favorite SIL (notice the sarcasm) that back-stabbing, two- faced, horrible person. She takes the cake. Lies. Cheats. Steals. Has a royally bad attitude. She is on the verge of wrecking my marriage. It’s funny to me that she calls everyone white trash–she is the queen of it!

 

Next are the twins, they party. Have no responsibility what- so- ever.

 

My husband–he’s not too bright. He doesn’t see any of this behavior. Nor does he do anything productive in our marriage. I WANT OUT!

Family Fun!

I’ve added a new category to help fill the voids (because your in-laws are SO boring!). I’ll include links to posts I happen across that are in-law related. A good way to find new blogs to read AND get confirmation that in-laws have a universal ability to make just about everyone nuts.

Thank you, blaugra at The Peevery.

Don’t Want To Start Off On The Wrong Foot

I am up in the middle of the night stressing about my baby shower.  I am 7 months pregnant.  My husband’s ex co-worker thought it was important for me to have a shower as my close family live in another country and won’t be able to throw one for me.  I thought that was sweet of her, and because I have met her only once, told him I would accept – but would like to keep it very small, inviting only the friends I have made whilst living here for the past 3 years.  Also I thought I could keep it smaller because my sister in-law offered to throw me one – only the in-law family who live in another town not too far away.  That way 2 smaller showers instead of one bigger one would have been better. 

My husband is receiving calls and emails from his family with their emails to forward to his ex co-worker so that they can be included in the guest list.  This is includes the mother in law, sister-in-law, brothers’ girlfriends, cousin, aunt and step-grandmother.  That is quite a few extra people, and I really do not know his ex co-worker very well at all and it would be a bit gaudy to put this budget and organization on her shoulders.

My sister-in-law had also in the past offered us the use of her baby things she is not using anymore, but then sold them.  It looks like she promises one thing, but does another.   

I can’t really say anything to my SIL because I do not know her that well.  Her father paid for her shower at an expensive country club, and I feel if they would like to attend this shower – who someone I really do not know well has been kind enough to offer to host it, I somewhat feel that he too could contribute to the expense, but yet again, it is not for me to say so. Also if they all come, and I am inviting some of my husband’s female friends, it will be 75% his friends and only 25% mine.

I have not seem my own family for years, as I have spent the past few years helping him through graduate school.  His sister and mom I feel often put their feelings ahead of mine. I understand it is her grandchild, and I would not mind having her there, but I would prefer it if they knew their place.  I just feel that they could contribute to the shower, but how do I go about letting them know how I feel?  I would prefer 2 smaller showers, as was first the plan, but they seem to be shifting responsibility and expense on someone I hardly know.   

I need to show how I feel as they will keep on walking over me.  And as my own mother lives on the other side of the world, I will not have the pillar of support like most new mothers have and it makes me a little sad.  I don’t always like going to my mom for advice because I don’t like her to worry if I am feeling stressed.  I miss her so much and I am tired of family in law.  I am going to see my own family in December in my homeland and I am so excited about it.  I just need a break. 

Well, I will try to get back to sleep. I think I just need to rant to someone out there.

Strike (the MIL) While the Iron Is Hot

My in-laws, without asking if my husband and I had other plans or not, booked and paid for flights and a hotel for their son only to join them on a holiday.

The night before their flight, they insisted that he and I come over for dinner and because he had left some clothes there that they think he should bring.

When we arrived I find that he had not left any clothes there at all and MIL began going through his bag to see what he had packed. 

MIL: “Why are you sending my son with his bag packed like this?”

Me: “He packed his own bag, what’s wrong with it?”

MIL: “Look at it, his shirts aren’t ironed”

Me: “They’re T-Shirts, why would you iron a T-Shirt?”

MIL: “I can’t believe you’d send him like this, what if someone I know sees him?”

Me: “I don’t iron T-shirts, he doesn’t ask me to. But if he did I would laugh and tell him to do it himself”

MIL: “I’m surprised you even bothered to WASH his clothes for him, or did he have to do that himself too?”

MIL then emptied out his bag, placed a towel on the table opposite where I was eating my dinner and ironed every single T-shirt in his bag, as well as his pajamas  and re-ironed anything that I had obviously already ironed.
She actually carried on so much that night that I started thinking that most people may actually regularly iron their T-shirts. I asked all of my friends if they had ever met anyone who ironed T-shirts and not one of them had. 

I am so glad I was not asked to join them on that holiday. I am sorry if she is jealous that her son now lives with me, but she does not need to try to make me or him feel that I am not looking after him well enough. 

She also comes in to where he and I work together to drop off hot cooked meals for him to replace the meals that I prepare and pack for him daily. She asks what I made him, and it’s not as boring as plain sandwiches but obviously not a cooked meal because I work and don’t have time for that, and says “oh, good thing I brought this”- that’s just rude. And you know what?Ffrom those meals you can tell why her husband and other kids are so obese!

(In laws are crazy!! I am so glad I have found your site, to know that I am not the only one dealing with the crazy all the time. It’s not something you can talk about with most people!)

A DIL’s Work Is Never Done

When my future MIL had to go overseas for work she asked if I would mind HELPING FIL with the two younger children whilst she was away. I knew she was worried about her kids, so I agreed that my fiancé and I could come and stay for the 3 nights while she was away. FIL took this to mean that while she was gone I was his slave. He went out each night until morning and did not help me look after his children AT ALL. I was expected to drive them around, cook, clean inside and outside of his house – this included sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, dusting, wiping and washing clothes daily. I was never asked to do anything I was TOLD to do EVERYTHING.

Because he lives like an absolute slob leaving anything he touches anywhere he wants and because I am not used to looking after children myself I got a little behind with everything. When he got home there were dirty dishes on the sink that I was planning to get to once hanging some washing. FIL saw dirty dishes and, instead of asking if I needed some help, told me that there were dirty dishes in the sink. I told him I would get to them. He then actually had the nerve to ask me if I was actually a female (no, I look nothing like a male), because a REAL woman will never let anything be dirty. 

The whole time that she was gone, he insulted me, tried to shame me, ordered me around, complained that I didn’t do things good enough and told me I was not a woman. When his son was around though, he acted extremely grateful for my help.

One night my man was working, FIL invited all of his friends over to drink, which his wife does not allow. They were there until early morning, being loud and keeping the young boys up until early morning on a school night. Atop of this he continued to treat me the way that he did whilst my partner was not around in front of his friends and encouraged them to ask me if they needed anything. All night I was expected to fetch drinks, ice, snacks, MEALS. urgh 

I will never subject myself to that again. I am very glad my partner has no sisters, because I see how females are treated in that family. When we have children, he will be thoroughly outlined the way that I believe PEOPLE should be treated, and if he sees differently, will not have any contact with them.

Who’s Fooling Who?

Oh I know we have all said it before. I have been on this site today and read a ton of posts. I have laughed so hard and been angry at the nerve of some of these people!  I am so glad to have found a place like this tho!  Glad that it isn’t just me! 

I have been married to my DH for 5 years, been together 9. We have 2 children. His parents are the most vile, awful people that i have ever met in my life!  I wish I could narrow it down to a single event but that is impossible so i am just going to vent here. Hope that is okay! 

My MIL and Step FIL AND FIL are all alcoholics. I have the most issues out of my MIL tho. This lady has severe issues. She has hated me since the very first day that I stepped into her son’s life, even tho at that time she was smoking crack!  She is continually cheating on her husband and drinking, smoking, doing drugs. All while going to church, somehow fooling the ENTIRE congregation, most of her extended family and herself!  It disgusts me to get phone calls at 3 a.m. from her trashed out of her mind, telling me that I am the devil and she is praying for me!  She has gotten a DUI with my kids in the car!  She wants to rule every single aspect of my life with my DH. She has somehow managed to convince her family that there is something wrong with me, because all they ever see is me exploding on her, not visa versa. 

She does stupid shit, like post things on my FB, then delete them, so people only see my ugly responses and the whole family teams up on me!  it is beyond insane!!! I with a passion wish this woman to fall off of the face of the earth and never return!!  Just earlier today I received an email from her that tells me how I should be in a mental institution and how dare I keep her son away from her, and her grandchildren!  I’m like lady, you are the biggest hypocrite psycho that I know and you are ruining my life and sending me down the path to insanity!!  GO AWAY!

GAHHHHHHHHHH!

COMMENTS?

Shit My FIL Says II

My FIL said, “So, I wonder when Hussein Obama’s going to come take away all my guns! I’d rather melt them all down rather than let that sonufabitch have ‘em!”

Our response: “If you’re so worried about that happening, sell them and get your money’s worth and call it done.”

What I wanted to say: “Wow, you sure are full of yourself, aren’t you? Do you seriously think President Obama has interest in your collection from the Civil War, WW1 and WW2? Luckily, at 90, crippled and extremely obese, you’ll easily fly under their radar when they’re out looking for terroristic arms dealers, mmkay?

Crazy Cat People

When we moved, our FIL and MIL agreed to take our kitty to live with them because my allergies were getting so bad. They adore her, but in the past few years their health has been failing. With that, they aren’t as physically able to get into the basement to change the kitty litter as often as they should (our cat joined their cat, so there’s actually two).

Since they can’t change the cat boxes as often, the cats have started pooping elsewhere. One SIL came over and her “solution” was to add a third cat box. Which they can’t change either!

My BIL came to visit from out-of-state and he and his wife locked the cats in a small dark room in the basement for three days, “TO TEACH THEM A LESSON!”

Another SIL called my husband to tell him to come over…to change the kitty litter! She was right-fucking-there!

WTF??!

Shit My FIL Says

From my conservative Republican FIL:

Time for Obama to blow up that pipe again. It’s not leaking anymore.

Asshole.

Why Not Just Say, “Not Tonight, I Have To Wash My Hair.”

I have two sisters-in-law. One (Betsy) lives several states away and just got into town this morning. The other (Bat), lives in the same town as we do.

Betsy had stopped over at our house and as the afternoon progressed, we started making plans for supper. How about some pizza? Sounds good! So my husband and Betsy head out to pick up the pizzas as well as a couple of other things. While on their errands, they call Bat to find out what they are doing for supper. Bat doesn’t have any plans and before the pizza idea is shared, Bat suggests going to a nearby ‘burb to get a burger.

Betsy interrupts to tell her that she and her brother (my husband) are on their way to pick up some pizzas and bring them over to our house.

“Oh,” Bat says. “You know, I’ve got laundry to do and a bunch of things I need to get ready during this upcoming week. I’ll pass this time.”

So, she was fine taking a trip to another town and sitting in a crappy bar to eat a burger, but the idea of coming over to our house is too distasteful of a thought to her? Even worse is that she actually thinks I’m too oblivious to realize it.