WIPING AWAY THE COBWEBS

It’s me again, The Sane In-Law, asking for you to come forth with your in-law stories. I know you have them since there are plenty of hits here coming via such serch terms, “My MIL drives me crazy,” “My SIL is a bitch,” “My in-laws are sucking the life out of me,” (I paraphrase).

This poor little blog needs a little dusting. While at the beginning, it was one of the rising stars under wordpress…this blog? She now be fading away like those nasty plastic flowers you MIL glued to the TP cozy in the guest bathroom.

Take it as a challenge. Submit that story you just have to get off your chest about your MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL, etc. Don’t have one, then send out a call on your blogs to your readers. Send the stories to inlawssuck@yahoo.com. They’ll be published anonymously UNLESS you want me to give you (or if you have a blog) credit. Something new I’m going to try out.

One Ringy-dingy; Two Ringy-dingy

I met my husband in a weird way. We played an on-line game called, World of Warcraft. We talked awhile before we became more than online friends. While we were getting to know each other better. My DH asked me one day while online if I would marry him. I said yes.

While we were talking I emailed him a picture of a ring I really wanted. He told me no problem and bought me the ring. Couple of weeks later the ring arrives at his house. There was only one problem. I was in Illinois, he lived in Texas. So we planned that he’d come to Chicago and propose to me a second time in person with the ring.

I get a phone call a couple of days before he comes up. He goes ” Honey, I got some bad news.” I’m thinking he doesn’t have enough money to see me. He goes, “My mom saw the engagement ring set, and took it back to the jeweler.” I saw red. I go, ”Why did she do that?” He told me my now-MIL had two engagement ring sets: one a big, two carat, flawed diamond. Ew! A one carat flawless diamond but the catch is there was no wedding band. This ring is made funny it needs a special wedding band. I was heart broken. 

I had to choose between huge diamond FLAWED ring or perfect diamond, ugly setting, engagement ring. So I picked out the ugly setting. I’ve been married to my loving husband for one year, and I will never forgive my MIL.

Taking It On the Road

Saw this today on Her Bad Mother’s Basement.

I think many of us can certainly relate.

Bad Dream Wedding, Nightmare Honeymoon

We decided to get married 5 days before Christmas so that all of our foreign families could fly in and spend the wedding plus the holidays together. I was planning the wedding and my parents, his parents and us paid for it. MIL and FIL wanted something very lavish while my parents wanted something simpler because they don’t have the money. In-laws had been timely in delivering the money they had promised for the wedding until 3 days before when they were still missing 30% of what they had promised. I received a very rude call saying that they felt they should not give any more money than they had given because what they had put in was enough. So in 3 days I had to frantically meet with all the vendors, re-arrange and cut prices, and then find a way to come up with the missing money which my fiance and I and my mother forked over.
 
SIL graduated from college 3 days before our wedding and my in-laws prepared a lavish celebration and gave her an expensive mac book pro computer.
 
At our formal wedding his two sisters decided to give us a surprise…. One of them danced a Britney Spears routine wearing extremely skimpy clothes (some guests thought that we had hired a stripper!) and the other made a 30 minute video talking about her and her brother and how sad she was to lose him (no positive mention of the bride whatsoever).
 
Since my mother had to fork over the money that was missing, our Christmas was very modest. My parents had a lot of financial difficulty during December because they gave us all they had so that we could cover my in-law’s deficit. At Christmas we wanted to spend it with both sides of our families, and both dinners were scheduled at the same time: 9pm. FIL gave my husband a call saying that we were to be there at 10pm sharp or to not bother to even come. My family is very understanding and they gave us a big hug and told us not to worry, so I got to spend less than an hour with my family. Once we got to my in law’s house we found very lavish decorations with rented tables and linens and catered dinner, plus they had two bar attendants for 16 people, their gifts where very lavish for everyone. Pearl and Tiffanny necklaces and Wii’s for the aunts and nephews etc… 
 
My in-laws had told us 6 months before the wedding that their wedding gift would be a Honeymoon to Hawaii. We wanted to have it after the holidays and they set the date for January 4. Come January 3, they tell us that they couldn’t give us the honeymoon because they ran out of money. But were where very rude about it, saying that we had too much vacation (my husband works with his father) and that we should consider the holiday vacation as our honeymoon and should return to work immediately. So they left us with no honeymoon, no money or time to plan something smaller, and they were very rude about delivering the news blaming everything on us.
 
I am very scared of them and almost wish I hadn’t married into this selfish, manipulative and classless family. Am I over reacting??

ACHOOOoooo!

I’ve mentioned it before, but each Christmas, which is the only time of the year I spend more than 30 minutes in my MIL & FIL’s house, it bears repeating or else I’ll end up taking it out on my husband.

I have allergies to anything with hair, e.g. cats. My husband’s parents have two, both long hair.

Now my allergies aren’t just your sniffling, sneezing kind of allergies so for those who may feel inclined to tell me to take a benadryl and suck it up, that doesn’t work, but thanks for the assvice.

No, my allergic reaction is first the sniffling, sneezing followed by the wheezing because it triggers my asthma. Such severe asthma that I’ve had to have my husband take me to the ER on more than one occasion and has even earned me an overnight stay in the hospital.

I also took some allergy medicine to buy me some time, but within an hour of being at my in-laws, I was sneezing. My MIL asks me if I have a cold.

No, allergies, I replied.

Really? I didn’t know you had allergies.

All I could do is stare at her. She’s known me for almost 17 years. The one cat she has is one we gave her because no matter how many shots or how much medication I took, I just couldn’t have that cat in our own house and MIL willingly took her under her own wing.

How could she not know?!

Also, putting your animals outside or in the basement or in the bedroom does not alleviate the allergens already in the home. It drives me crazy when my SIL can’t understand why I keep having a reaction even though the cats are in another room.

What’s In A Name?

Alright, I’ve been meaning to get this one off my chest for a while now, but have to preface that my in-laws are most of the time “OK” people. They mean well, but at times FIL can be incredibly self-centered and rude.

It took my husband and me a long time and quite a bit of money to get pregnant. It was a difficult time for us filled with lots of disappointment (which my in-laws just didn’t get). During our final try of IVF we got lucky. I mean really, really, really lucky. We became pregnant with triplets. We were thrilled, but cautious. We knew that triplet pregnancies were high risk. We spent a lot of time preparing our families and friends for an almost inevitable NICU stay when the babies arrived.

Unfortunately I did end up getting very sick and delivered 2 and ½ months prematurely. Our babies were so tiny. They went straight to the NICU where we went through some very rocky moments including a 6:00 am phone call from the doctors telling us that one of our daughters was not doing well. A conventional ventilator was not enough. She had to be hooked to an oscillator, a very heavy duty vent causing her chest to vibrate rapidly- one of the scariest things I have ever witnessed. It was a horrible, horrible time. DH and I were terrified for the health of our children.

So when 2 days later the phone rang at 6:00 am again, I started to shake. I couldn’t breathe fearing the absolute worst. Thankfully it was not the doctors calling again, but instead my in-laws. My self-centered FIL called at 6:00 am while our sweet, less than a week old babies were still in danger to let us know how much he and MIL hatedour choice in middle names and how could we be so cruel to not name even one of the babies after them. Nope FIL didn’t even bother to ask how our precious babies were doing!

Yes my in-laws were more concerned about our babies’ names than our babies’ health. I should also mention that my in-laws didn’t bother to come visit the babies for almost a month. Why? Because they had a vacation planned and couldn’t be bothered to drive 3 hours (just 3 measly hours!) out of their way to meet their grandchildren and support their son during a very scary time. Did I also mention that these in-laws have one other grandchild and that grandchild is already named after my MIL? Later in the day when my DH was more alert, he left a message for FIL explaining how totally inappropriate his call had been and demanding an apology, but my FIL never bothered to  respond and DH and I were too occupied with more important things than to bring it up again.

It’s been almost 2 years and our three babies toddlers are doing absolutely fabulous. No health problems or developmental delays whatsoever! But I still get angry thinking about my idiot in-laws. I spent so much time finding very meaningful middle names for my children and now every time I say them aloud I am reminded of that ridiculous and hurtful early morning phone call!

Happy Thanksgiving

We drove 2 1/2 hours on the Friday after Thanksgiving to spend some time with my in-laws.  We got to their house at around 6 pm on Friday.  The next day we took the kids to a local historical/tourist place and spent more than half the day there having a great time. 

Oh, did I mention that the in-laws didn’t come with us? 

They weren’t even at their house until Saturday at 3 o’clock.  They had stayed Friday night at their cottage an hour away and spent Saturday morning shopping (instead of with their grand kids).  They knew we were at their house, they just didn’t bother to come home.  

We wanted to leave around 4 or 5 on Sunday due to the snow and heavy traffic.  About 15 minutes before we left my SIL, her husband and their two kids finally showed up because the was a “mis-communication” about time.  They live only 20 minutes away.  They said “are you leaving already?” like they forgot we have a 2 1/2 hour drive. 

I’m so glad we went.

WANTED: Good People to Adopt as In-Laws

I should run an ad in the local paper for a new set of inlaws.

Honestly, anyone would be better than the ones I have now.

I have been married 17 years to a wonderful man. He is my best friend. We never fight and agree on almost everything.

But we have drawn a line in the sand with his mother and stepdad.

This woman has known me since I was 5 years old. She knows my family. But insisted on calling me “that girl” the first 5 years her son and I were married. “are you bringing that girl  to dinner tonight?” What the hell?

Well, it gets better. She tells people I must have been pregnant before marriage because I was so sick all the time.

That may be because I was going through near renal failure and trying to hang on to my precious life.

We had our first child 3 years after marriage. yeah 3 years.

MIL would never help out with the baby or me after a 13 hour labor and c-section. No, she had to go to the grocery store or sit on her butt. So I never asked for anything from her after that first excuse. EVER!

My last 17 years with this woman has been hell. Between her treating my husband like trash because she hated his father (1st marriage) now she is doing it to our kids.

She has 4 grandchildren girls and 2 grandchildren boys.

I have one of each of those. We all live within a half a mile of each other and MIL lives 5 miles down the road.

Now fast forward to THIS year. My son’s birthday, she is at the local ballpark to see her #1 grandson playing ball and never calls or comes by to tell mine Happy Birthday, the entire time she is less than a mile away. Hurricane sends a tornado through our backyard. It was in the local paper which she has delivered daily and on the news. My daughter tries relentlessly to call and check on them (loving concern not reciprocated) and hears #1 grandson answer and get told “i told you not to answer that phone”. My daughter hung up angry as hell.

They eventually call weeks later to check on grandkids and claim they were coming this way to get fuel for generator the entire time and figured we must be okay. Figured?

Now today. My daughter’s birthday. They wait until late in the day to call and wish her happy birthday and tell her they can’t bring her present over today they will try and get it out here tomorrow. BUT THIS WOMAN MANAGED TO GO TO THE MALL ON BLACK FRIDAY WITH HER #1 GRANDKIDS! She doesn’t know I spotted her. I almost ran into her and recognized the back of her head. I made a uturn and got a friend to confirm identity and I went outside and waited in truck for friends. I didn’t want to make a scene at the store.

My husband and I are amazed that these people cannot only manage to make our lives HELL they are doing it to our kids. We have distanced our family from them. It hasn’t changed a thing.

My boss and his wife treat my children better than my inlaws do as they came to check on us after the hurricane. My inlaws waited 3 weeks.

I have always tried to be a good daughter in law but now I don’t care. The mayo in lasagna at Christmas, the names, the disrespect towards her child and grandkids and me is too much.

My son called her Miss ##### and I heard her say “what did you call me?”. Knowing that my son doesn’t curse I stood agape in the next room until I heard her demand to be called MawMaw ######, heck my son cannot remember her husband’s name. He says “that man that lives at daddy’s momma’s house.”

I am thankful for my dad and my husband’s dad for being good granddads and inlaws for my husband and me but this other set HAS TO GO.

I cannot take the mental abuse they are putting my kids and myself and husband through.

Wanted: New InLaws. For young family with 2 children.

Requirements: Knowledge of how to use phone to call on important dates. Ability to hug children and show affection.

Gifts are never required. Just Love. Applications being accepted immediately.

DIL in need of mental support, La.

Priming Up for the Holiday Season

We here at MILDUE hope your Thanksgiving was “relatively” painless, and while you may have only said, “Thank God!” once, and that was when you were able to put more than walking distance between yourselves and your in-laws, it still counts as Thanksgiving.

Things are slow for MILDUE so if you have any fresh memories you’d like to share, please send them to inlawssuck@yahoo.com.

Smile For The Camera

At a family dinner with my husband’s extended family, they wanted to get a picture of all the great grandkids – about 15 total.  Mine are 2 and 4, not the youngest and certainly not the oldest.  They wanted them to stand shortest to tallest.  Considering my children have only met these cousins maybe 3 times in their short lives, they were not very comfortable with them.  My 4 year old was crying that she did not want to stand with kids she did not know.  My MIL got right in her face and told her that sometimes she needed to do things she didn’t want to do, and that she’d better “put her family’s wants and needs in front of her own wants and needs.”  Then she leaned in even closer and cruelly said “So suck it up!”

I don’t know why, but my MIL always shocks me speechless.  I don’t say anything, and then kick myself later.  But really, how do you respond to something like that?  Help!

Extreme Favoritism: Mother-In-Law Edition

My sister’s MIL only liked two of her five grandchildren.  My niece was the number one favorite.  She could do no wrong with the grandmother and grandfather.  They took her on exotic trips like Jamaica and Hawai’i.  They bought her Halloween presents and just because presents.  They bought expensive and over the top Christmas and Easter presents. 

This caused a lot of difficulty because my niece did have a big brother.  They did almost nothing for him.  He’d get a book for Christmas.  Granted he liked books, but when you compare what she would get to a book… it wasn’t equitable at all.  (Not that I think you have to match dollar for dollar, because the thought that counts and all that but when the kids are 4 and 9, you kind of have to at least seem balanced).  They wouldn’t get him the other types of presents. 

And to make matters worse, ex-BIL would give the presents to the daughter despite the fact that there wasn’t a present for the son.  So my parents were frequently finding themselves making up for Lou and Papa Doc (is it at all weird that his favored grandfather name is the same one that a Haitian dictator whose regime supported state-sponsored terrorism used?).  The whole thing was just ridiculous.

Former BIL

I could write a novel on how much my former brother-in-law sucks. To start with, he cheated on my still-struggling-with-cancer sister and then began divorce proceedings so he could marry his mistress.  During the divorce proceedings he secretly took my nephew to get tested to see if BIL really was his father.  Turns out he was not.  My sister was dating several people around the same time and I think, although do not know, she really believed nephew was his.  He then used that information against her in the bid for full custody of both children (despite the fact he never gave nephew his last name) indicating he didn’t want his daughter to be that kind of woman. Both my younger sister and my mother had children out of wedlock.  He didn’t want his daughter to be a 3rd generation unwed mother.  We won’t point out the hypocrisy that he thought the boy was his for years so clearly he was contributing to the unwed mother issue. 

The final indicator of his extreme level of suck, he was on vacation with the kids when my sister died.  My parents had been living in their house for the year before she died helping take care of her and the kids.  He had been living and working in another state.  He took the children back to his state and wrote up a notice to quit (eviction notice) giving my parents two hours to get out of the house that he then gave them immediately.  They had two hours to pack up everything they could of theirs, never mind actually picking up any mementos of their daughter. 

Oh wait, there was a further level of suck.  He told my niece who was maybe 11 at the time she had to choose between her mother’s dog (who was kind of old at that point) or her kitten to take with her back to his state.  She chose the kitten.  After he had the dog put down, he never went and got the kitten so friends of my sister’s who were picking up horses she bequeathed to them picked up the cat at the same time and took it to my parents.  My sister’s horses were all willed to other people and he tried to sell them before they could get them so he didn’t have to care for them until they arrived from the west coast.

He also booted my nephew, his step-son that he allegedly wanted, out two weeks after his high school graduation.  He didn’t know where to go so he too lives with my parents.  BIL had originally promised to pay for nephew’s schooling but after three years has only coughed up one semester’s worth making it impossible for him to go on any regular basis.

You Say MILDEW, and I say MILDUE

A little change to the blog has occurred, which you may or may not have even noticed if I hadn’t pointed them out. M.I.L.D.E.W. and it’s reference to Mothers-In-Law Do Everything Wrong (or is it Mother-in-LawS?). Instead, it is now M.I.L.D.U.E. – Most In-Laws Do Utterly Exasperate.

The reason for the change is two-fold:

1) On more than one occasion I’ve been asked if the stories have to be about the Mother-In-Law, to which the answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT! While MILs are stereotyped as the devil-incarnates, it certainly is not the case for many of us, and certainly not in own marriage (OK, to cut some slack to my own in-laws, they sometimes are just plain WEIRD!).

2) There was a virtual pillow fight with a Liz Bluper and Renee Plastique, the authors of the book Mothers-In-Law Do Everything Wrong: M.I.L.D.E.W., and I have agreed that it was best to trade off to M.I.L.D.U.E. in exchange for some hair-braiding and boob-flashing (that IS  what happens during a pillow fight, right?). You can find more about the Liz and Renee at their site.

As always, any stories submitted via email (inlawssuck@yahoo.com) are published anonymously and in the order received.

Pushy MIL . . . Literally

I have had so many problems with my MIL and FIL that I don’t even know where to begin!  Fifteen months ago, when I was visiting my stepmother in KS with my two-month-old son and seven-year-old daughter, I invited MIL over for the afternoon and dinner so that she would would have a chance to see the grandchildren before I returned home to NH.  We were only there for a few days, but apparently this was not good enough for her.  It must be said that MIL and I have always had a strained relationship. 

When my infant son started to get tired, I went downstairs to put him to bed.  MIL followed me, cornered me, and began to verbally attack me for not sleeping at their home, spending enough time with them, visiting their family, etc.  My little brother had recently and tragically died, and I tried to tell her that I was still mourning his death and that I was not really visiting anyone… she cut me off and told me that it wasn’t about me, it was about her.  I told MIL that I did not like being pushed by people/ told what to do.  She began to advance on me, demanding that I give her my children to spend the next day with her.  I pointed out that I was nursing the baby, and that he would eventually cry for food.  She said She did not care! 

This went on for a little while, her crying, yelling, demanding, etc. all the while I was remaining calm yet firm.  Finally, as it was going nowhere, I told her that I would not continue to have this argument.  The whole time, my daughter and stepmother were upstairs and could hear everything.  MIL sat down on the stairs, and she happens to be a large woman.  She threw her arms out, and would not let me pass.  I had to physically climb over her to get by!!! 

She followed me into the room where mystepmother was trying to distract my daughter and screamed that she was leaving and could not stay.  Then, she looked at my daughter and said, “I love your mother, but she does things and says things and all they do is make me really mad!”  My daughter began to cry, and my stepmother escorted MIL out of the house. 

There has been a lot of back and forth since then, mostly through letters, but things have just gotten worse.  MIL and FIL tried very hard to drive a wedge between my husband and I, but thankfully, after many fights and long talks, he finally came around and saw them for what they were and how badly they were treating me.  We are now stronger in our relationship than ever, and nothing could make the inlaws angrier.  In the meantime, their relationship with their son is strained, at best, their relationship to their grandchildren is basically non-existent, and all of this is because they refuse to accept our boundaries and the fact that we are adults.  In one letter to us they made demands regarding how we spend our time and about our children.  We responded by saying that we are adults and we are the only two people who will have a say in how, where, and with whom us and our children spend our time.  Unfortunately, MIL and FIL are too stubborn…there position and refusal to accept us has cost them a great deal. 

They spent last Christmas alone, and the last time I visited KS they sacrificed seeing their grandchildren because it was not on their terms.  How sad is that?  I would like to move forward, but my husband and I agree that it can not happen until they can respect us and our wishes.  At least after finding this site, I know they are not alone.  I do not wish my MIL and FIL harm, but I do daydream about them being on a bus that is forever lost and on its way to nowhere.  I suspect I am not alone in this sentiment. 

Signed: Trying to Rise Abve It All

MIL Can’t Talk

For the record I generally get along with my MIL. I have come to terms with the fact that she is more formal than my own mother, that her sense of humor is so different from mine and dh’s, that she clearly needs to lighten up, that has a taste for frilly clothes. However, she does dole out some good advice, she has totally relaxed in some very important ways in the time that I have know her (10+ years). However, there is one thing that I cannot stand. That grates on my last nerve every time it happens.

The woman cannot pronounce very simple words or names.

Most recent example: She pronounced Joseph Biden Joseph Bidden. Holy crap. How many times has THAT name been spread across TV and radio air waves and she screwed it up! Thankfully Step-FIL corrected her (because I sure as hell wasn’t going to).

Other examples: Bacardi (as in the rum), Baracardi. BIL’s girlfriend (a bartender) at the time corrected her. Oh how we all laughed, me probably harder than the rest. Ambulance, Amblience. I have never corrected her on this one, I just let it go.

There are more I just can’t remember them right now. It drives me nuts. She has an advanced degree, she is an educated person. Why the hell can’t she pronounce the most simple of things correctly?

How About Just an Inkling of Empathy?

I recently had surgery and was diagnosed with cancer, all at once.  Everyone in the family called and sent cards, and all of my friends, coworkers, husband’s friends and coworkers, etc. etc.  My sister-in-law, however, not only has not called to asked how I am feeling or coping, she has also not sent a card.  We have had a history of getting along off and on, but my feelings are so hurt by this that I don’t see us ever getting along again.

I was trying to just let it go, but I couldn’t and decided to call and confront her about the situation.  She wasn’t home, so I left her a message that said basically I can’t believe you haven’t bothered calling, and the lie that she told my MIL about not calling me (my answering machine was broken…yeah right) couldn’t have been remotely true because I have caller id and can see anyone that calls, if they leave a message or not.  Maybe that was wrong, but I am just so hurt by this that I had to say something.

The Crazies (Part 2)

I’ll recap, my husband and I have been married  3 years, have 2 children from previous relationships, girls, both 8. And we have a 2 yr old son. We have a great relationship. The problem is his side of the family. While we have evolved into a family of 5, still cannot seem to accept this fact.

They will not stop favoring my husband’s daughter, she is not the only grandchild, either. There are 3 from my husband’s brother.  But they constantly are buying her gifts, sending them to her house, not for any special occasion, just because she asks!  They don’t do this for any of the other kids. My husband and I have asked repeatedly for it to stop.

In January I wrote my inlaws a letter, I was fed up with watching my husband sick over the way his parents constantly disrespected him and would go against any of his wishes and spoil his daughter.  That letter didn’t go over so well! (didn’t think it would!) I of course was blamed for everything, I’m a master manipulator, trying to brainwash my husband, I need a lobotomy, all sorts of insults.  Not actually said to me, filtered thru my husband, since they won’t talk to me.

Fast forward to today. Stepdaughter has been here the whole summer. Today I let the inlaws take her for the afternoon (note they didn’t want to see my other kids). I met them at the mall, and left MIL with the simple request DO NOT BUY HER ANYTHING! She doesn’t need stuffed animals, etc…. Yes, so 5 minutes after I left, they went to build a bear and got her a bear, 3 stuffed animals, and a bunch of other stuff!  Then told her to “keep it quiet” ie. Don’t tell me.  Well, I found out, and finally told MIL off.  And she calls and leaves this insane message on my machine (and my husband’s work phone) about how we are crazy and they are grandparents and they can buy whatever they want, whenever they want. And that we blow everything out of proportion, blah blah blah.

I’m at a loss, hubby works out of town, I’m alone with the kids, and I have to deal with MIL and FIL (who hates me more than MIL).

My goodness..how blind are they to see this is not about stuffed animals, it’s about respect!

I know I’m right, in that I can ask that they respect our wishes in not buying things for our kids unless it’s a special occasion??? Right?

Oh Just the Beginning

My husband and I just got married. We have lived together for 2 years, and nothing changed but a ring on my finger and my last name. Let me back up. When I moved in with my husband his mom had told him not to trust me. I didn’t say anything because we had just moved in together and I didn’t feel it was my place.

 

We got engaged and his mom says, “OH NO!!!” While I was standing right there. And then started crying. I just smiled. I was so shocked I couldn’t say anything.

 

DH wanted the wedding at his parents house because they have a huge house and a great yard. The week of the wedding I helped MIL clean, cook, and take care of her grandson. I would get up early to help make breakfast and to set the table. We were staying at MIL’s house with DH brother, and brother’s 1 year old son. Not a big deal. She actually suggested we stay there instead of getting a hotel. So I felt the need to help out.

 

The wedding went great!!! Very beautiful!

 

The day after the wedding DH and I went to the house to help clean up. I was standing right out the kitchen window with my Maid of Honor cleaning up and I hear MIL tell DH that I was a rude person! That I didn’t help with anything this whole week, and that all I did was sit on the couch doing nothing.

 

WHAT!?!?!?!

 

I chose not to bring it up since MIL only got one hour of sleep. I didn’t want to start an argument.

 

Next day DH and I are at home. MIL brings over food from the wedding because we had a lot left over. I was on the phone with my best friendfighting. I said hi to MIL and FIL. I told my BF that I would have to call her back. IL’s walked out the door. I thought nothing of this.

 

DH went to lunch with IL’s that day and he came home really upset. I asked him what the conversation was about, and of course it was about me. I guess MIL was talking about me behind my back. Yet she was sweet as pie to my face.

 

Pissed off I called her. She proceeded to tell me that it offended her that I did not say hi when they stopped by to drop off the food. That I was rude and ignored them. That they said hi 3 different times and I didn’t say anything back. That I was more into who ever was on the phone then them. I had kind of lost it. I am not one to get into arguments, but I had told her that ever since I have lived with DH she has had this attitude with me for some reason. She would be sweet to me but when DH got around she would tell him things like not to trust me. When we got engaged she cried, and not happy tears. She was the one rude to me this whole week while I cleaned, and helped cook, and everything I did.

 

She then told me that I had not helped out while I was there. I was rude when they asked me questions about where I wanted to put what. And that I was just in general rude.

 

WHAT THE HELL!?!?!

 

I had no idea where this was coming from and it really upset. I told her that I could not talk to her at the moment and I would call her when I calmed down.

 

I talked to DH about this. He said this was what his mom had said a lunch. And she even compared me to his brother’s ex-wife. She even said I would do to DH what ex-wife had done to his brother.

 

I was highly offended!!!

 

I can’t talk to her about it because no matter what I would always be wrong. And I would never be good enough for her son.

 

I have talked to a friend about this situation who kind of had the same thing go on. She just told me, “be prepared because this is what it is going to be like your whole life.”

 

Great! This is just the start.

No Thank You

Early July was my birthday. Par for the course, my MIL sent me a card with my gift enclosed. I will admit that it was a very generous gift, so later that day, we went to their house and I personally thanked her for it. I also let her know at that time that she has the wrong house number for our address, but luckily her card was delivered to us, and told her the correct one but wasn’t sure why I bothered as she had been a bit “tipsy”.

Fast forward about four weeks and she brings a check to my husband (her son) where he works with instructions to open a savings account for our newborn.

Then last night, my husband comes home after stopping by the in-laws house and tells me that MIL is pissed at me because I didn’t thank her for the baby’s check, but instead had the gall to “bitch her out for sending it to the wrong address”.

What the f*ck?!

At first he couldn’t figure out what the hell she was talking about because we weren’t mailed the check for the baby; plus he was there a month earlier when I thanked her for the check. Then he figured it out and realized in her “altered” state, she had lost track of time and events. He came to my defense and not only reminded her that she hand delivered the check, which he personally thanked her for, but that I was nothing but kind about the address confusion, to which he added that she has been told more than once that she has our address wrong.

What pisses me off is that I had seen MIL the night before she said these things to my husband and acted as sweet as pie to my face while she must have been thinking what an ungrateful whore I was. However, I should know better since she’s always bad-mouthing her DILs behind their backs to anyone who will listen, even if it’s to their husbands.

Babies Are Small So It Shouldn’t Matter, Right?

We have been going back and forth with MIL, her sis, and her parents about when they were planning to visit after the baby is born. MIL wanted to come for her birthday which is just two weeks after the baby’s due date. We worked out a compromise where they could come the first week in October as long as they stayed in a hotel. I still wasn’t very happy about that, but it was definitely better than two weeks! So I thought everything was solved and all good. Wrong.

We have heard off and on recently that the grandfather wasn’t going to be able to make the trip out here because of recent health issues so eventually he wanted to fly us to see him instead. We said several times that there would be no way we would be able to go up there this year because DH and I will be out of vacation time and it’s just not feasible with that tiny of a baby so they said that they would be fine with sometime next year. I was still a bit irritated, but what happened this weekend is so much worse!

DH’s grandparents have decided that they want us to fly to see them with the baby when they were planning to come here. They also want to have MIL fly out there too so she can see the baby instead of her flying here. The sis already lives in the same city as the grandparents, so she wouldn’t have to fly anywhere. What DH and I think is really happening is that DH’s mom’s sis doesn’t want to drive the grandparents (because the grandfather won’t fly) down here to see us. So she put a bug in the grandfather’s ear to have us go up there because it would be easier for her.

I will pause here a moment to remind everyone that Baby will be barely a month old at this time and everyone I know wants to fly somewhere with basically a newborn. Another thing to give pause is that we are 99.9% sure that I’m having a c-section. I totally  want to fly a month after having surgery.

DH told his mom absolutely not. No way would we fly to see them with a brand new baby and me right after a c-section. Plus he said that he didn’t think the doctors would let me so soon after the c-section and they wouldn’t let Baby so soon after birth. He also said that he didn’t think the airlines would let us fly with Baby that little. She told us that’s what she thought, but to look into it and see what we could do. Why she couldn’t just say NO and move on is beyond me.

I looked up all the necessary information so we can prove it to them that it’s not possible. Everything I’ve found says no or strongly recommends against it. The airlines don’t like it and don’t recommend it, but they will let you after the baby is a week to two weeks old. I have read several places that air travel is really hard on baby’s ears. We would have to have identification for Baby in the form of the birth certificate which takes some time to arrive. We would have to take so much stuff with us because they aren’t equipped to handle a baby. Most importantly, we would have to take the car seat and probably the stroller. Both are “oversized” and require checking at $100-$150 a piece each way. There would be nowhere for Baby to sleep (MIL’s answer to this was that “they’re so tiny, they sleep anywhere”). It would also totally mess up Baby’s schedule just when we’re trying to get it setup. According to what I’ve read about c-sections, you can’t lift anything heavier than the baby for 4-6 weeks and you shouldn’t do anything too stressful or strenuous (like travel) for that long either. So DH would get stuck carrying most of our stuff because I would have to carry Baby and because of the c-section. We are also going to ask the Dr when we go on Thursday. I know that she will say no too, but this way we have covered all the bases.

It just irritates me to pieces that no one thought this through before pestering us about it. These are all people who have had children so they should know what it’s like. Think for two minutes people and you will realize that taking a one month old on an airplane to a place that’s not equipped for babies is the dumbest idea on the planet. I don’t care that DH’s mom says they’re so tiny at that stage that you can just do anything with them. It’s stupid. They should all realize this. I know that they are not going to accept or like no as an answer no matter how much proof we have. I don’t care. DH and I are standing firm on this and will not back down! What a mess this is going to be and right at a time when we least need this!