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Disenchanted Kingdom

Well, unfortunately, here I am again venting my frustrations that I can’t really talk about to anyone close to me since it’s all in the family.

I’ll start on a positive note: things with my parents have gotten better and we are at least on speaking terms with them and see them a couple of times a year either at home or in Disney, so that’s a plus in my book. I do realize my relationship with them will never be the same again, which does break my heart, but you have to pick yourself up and move on, because otherwise there will always be sour grapes and that’s not fair to my little boy.

So, y’all know about my Job Judgment post a few months ago, well, things have unfortunately taken a turn in another direction. At least the MIL has knocked off the crap about Disney as far as I know, but the repercussions have not turned out so well in my favor.

Since they’ve changed some rules for the cast members down there, I think the MIL talks to my wife about money and all that (the seed) is completely full grown in her head and she basically has formed the same opinion on Disney as a career, as well. It all started back in February where I thought I could just give them my papers and give up the job with hopes that I could easily get it back once we moved down there. However, when I ran into a friend I used to work with down there, he was in a situation that was not one I wanted to be in: he had to resign a year ago because he couldn’t put in his hours and instead of getting his entertainment job back, he’s stuck in a department he doesn’t like (Quick Service Food and Beverage). I know other friends who haven’t been able to get re-hired because of the same reason and then I realized, “uh oh, that could be me in however many years and I don’t want it to be.” So, I backed out of resigning there and continued to put in my hours to keep my job because seriously, this is my dream that I don’t want to lose in any way, shape, or form.

This decision, however, completely backfired on me and my wife has reached a completely new level of resentment, hostility, and even sometimes anger towards me because of me not wanting to lose my dream job. It seriously breaks my heart that she would do that and feel that towards me when I know some of this comes from the MIL. Since she was never supportive of my Disney job in the first place, she was probably overjoyed when I was potentially resigning, but then got a kick in the face when I chose not to. My wife cannot get over the fact that I “said I would resign and not work there anymore” and the past few times we’ve gone, she basically says to me how she has to lie to her mom (the MIL) about us going…one time when we went after we moved out of her house, the MIL yelled at her and said we were wasting money and doing things completely wrong and so on and so forth. But honestly, this behavior is just one that completely breaks my heart and I so badly want to say to her “we are our own family, who gives a flying rat’s ass what your mom thinks of us going to disney? This is our family, the 3 of us, we are the chief ones, NOT HER…just forget about her opinion and what she has to say.” Obviously, the one thing I’ve grown good at since the whole fiasco went down a few months ago is biting my tongue, which I continue to do, but it’s gotten really bruised and I really fear it’s all gonna come crashing down like a ton of bricks real soon. I try talking to her about it and all I ever hear from her is “I have to lie to my mom because you basically backed out of what you said” and after that she usually just silences/distances herself from me for the rest of the day/night. I’ve tried so many times to explain myself, but she just won’t hear any of it, it’s all about me “going back on resigning and blah, blah, blah,” I hear her talking about it to the MIL all the time, which really annoys the crap out of me.

I understand the upset that she has because she had to give up her job when she got pregnant, and I get her point of view, but on the other hand, there are 2 sides to everything.  I gave up my chance to go full time down there as well as the life I led in another state for her when we found out about her pregnancy.  I mean, am I maybe being too selfish in the matter? I just don’t know and it’s really breaking me down inside.

I need opinions and advice in the matter, I just fear that this is all gonna come crashing down and I’m gonna just feel even more alone than I already do.

Wedding Basher

I read a lot of stories about the manipulative MIL, the bully MIL, etc. My issue is the Self-Victimizing MIL. She’s done it for years, a real pro.

I recently married my wonderful DH. Throughout the planning of the wedding, MIL constantly crossed lines. She whined constantly about the lack of info (we’d tell her, she’d forget due to meds and just a lackadaisical way of life). She’d email our bridal parties and bitch out whomever ‘wasn’t doing their duty.’ Said I was selfish since I had a lingerie party (thrown FOR me!!). Keeping in mind we: pay her bills, clean her hoarder apartment when it gets unlivable (often), and treat her to haircuts and groceries since she is constantly broke…yet always has perfect gel nails (what your taxes pay for, folks!)

The day OF and before the wedding, she was noticeably bitchy; barely spoke to me, snapped at my mum, just was a miserable wet rag. Oh, she was lovely for the ceremony and speech…but everyone noticed she had something up her @$$!!! Interrupted a special moment with me and DH to berate us for not having a closer smoking area; and believe me, she was PISSED. Um, your son just got married….

My Maid of Honor (also my SIL!!!!) got just incredibly intoxicated (no one minded!) and happened to take a spill at the end of the night. She bled, and if you know my SIL, you do not tell her she isn’t that hurt/sick.etc. Well, MIL does just that, standing over her. SIL flailed her arms in anger, and knocked MIL’s glasses…AND MIL THREW A LARGE VASE OF WATER AT HER OWN DAUGHTER. In the middle of the dancefloor. In front of (luckily) 1/3 of the guests. Well, SIL proceeded to scream and sob like an infant, throwing herself to the ground regularly with her bf trailing behind. My DH comforted MIL (great). I shooshed over to SIL in my big dress and said, “what can I do right now, to make you feel better?” SIL replied, “I’m not riding in a car with her!” So i shoosh back over to MIL and DH and cheerfully, in my best diplomatic voice say, “So SIL & BF are gonna stay at the motel, MIL, we can drop you off on our way to the hotel.”…OMG. Her eyes narrowed into little slits….and she BITCHED. Bitched at the utter injustice of our assumption that she shouldn’t drive (she takes pain pills *cough* and shouldn’t drink at all). Yeah, really made a case for sobriety. The night ended with our guests forcing us into our car to get away from the drama, and my DH yelling for everyone to “STFU” (which, of course, was ‘only directed at her…”)….a great end to what was a perfect day.

Upon getting home the next day, I tell DH he should likely check on MIL. He did (calling her on his honeymoon…bet she loved that!) and she bitched at HIM and US for the incident!!!!!!!!! Said that she felt interrogated over drinking (well, the sober don’t tend to launch vases at their daughters…). Also said she didn’t enjoy her son’s wedding….just a knife to our (especially my) hearts. She followed this up with stupid facebook posts (poor DH has to put up with his close friends poking fun of the awful, sappy, and disturbing pics she CONSTANTLY posts on her wall and others’…y’know, puppy abuse pics and stuff) on my wall, acting like it never happened. She tossed in several passive aggressive comments. I ceased responding.

Finally, we had it out. And she played the victim like none other. Brought up every. Tiny. Thing. Wrong. In. My. Wedding. Most of which was ridiculous; we know it was a great time for all our guests. But she screamed and ranted, cried, said DH loves his dad more now (the hell?!), she didn’t get a minute alone with her son (she did. She was a moron. She was LATE by a minimum of 2 HOURS for the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, and the hotel. We all went to the salon together so she wouldn’t feel left out…OR miss her appointment. Believe me, there’s no chances with her; she’ll be late)). She LIED and said I ‘didn’t let her get her hair the way she wanted’. BULL.I’d never do that. She told me her ex’s family (DH’s grandparents, uncles and aunts, etc) were angry with me, everyone hated the venue, it was a disaster. How she had to WALK with a BROKEN NECK (ohh believe me, bullshit!!!) in the DARK! (after being offered a ride and apparently being sober enough to drive)….AND every time we’d say she was ridiculous to be angry about this stuff, she’d say she WASN’T mad and kept laying into us. Guess what, B****; screaming like a banshee=angry lady. For an HOUR. DH would raise his voice to be heard and she’d scream over him, not giving him a chance, nor me (I got in some good points…she was furious with the friggin LOGIC).

I stood up for myself: I said all I was willing to apologize for was a lack of organization and if she felt unappreciated, but that was it (I had apologized prior to her rant sincerely and calmly) And that we expected an apology for her drama, especially since we KNOW our guests had a blast. She screamed and had a hissy fit, totally uncensored (does she KNOW what I wanted to say and didn’t???). She went right for my jugular and got it! Then she kicked us out….as we are going through the door she starts sobbing and tries to force a $100 into DH’s hand (sobbing how DH has changed…yeah, he isn’t a doormat), which he tries to refuse. I finally say “NO. That isn’t fair,” which he repeated. So we leave, she’s bawling even though she just laid into us FAR MORE than we have to her (keeping in mind all she could say was there is a wedge between her and DH, she didn’t get enough time with him, I don’t understand, the wedding was heinous, and we’re just shameful people). I am angry. Hurt. More than I was before. And I know that this B**** has us all convinced she’s unstable. So we get a coffee. I suggest DH get her one and run up to her apartment, just so we arent leaving so badly (HIGH ROAD! Anyone see me take it?!) and to make it easy I’ll wait in the car. I WAITED OVER AN HOUR. At which point i was texted a gooey, “so sorry lets move on” from MIL as DH re-entered the car. Here’s what I KNOW: when she says sorry, it means “I’ve said all I wanted to! Let’s forget the hateful things I said and move on like it never happened!”. When DH says he was firm, it means “I totally told her I was still mad…while comforting her and giving in completely”.

SO: I am more alone now as the one who won’t get over it. Well, maybe because she opened up a whole other can of worms by telling me how awful my wedding was…zeroed in on my doubts…and I feel so awful. Depression has really struck me here…I know I had a perfect day but her comments really got to me. And no one cares since it’s been ‘dealt with’…dealt with? She got EXACTLY what she wanted.

Ironic or Moronic

My FIL has been reaping the rewards of Medicare benefits for the past twenty-five years, ever since he turned 65. He sports a boner for radio celebrities like Beck and Limbaugh, and constantly is quoting the sound bites of those two morons of the things they say in jest, but my FIL thinks they mean it, for example, Rush may say, “Next thing you know, they won’t make any more gas-powered cars.” This leads to ridiculous conversations with his son (my husband): “You better get yourself a new car soon because that ‘Hussein Obama’ is going to ban car companies from making anything but electric cars.”

What does that have to do with the fact he’s got Medicare?

My FIL is currently under hospice care, but his lifetime benefits for hospice care through Medicare has been exhausted so they are now paying out-of-pocket for his continued care. He actually said the reason Medicare won’t pay anymore is because of “Obama Care”…you know, because all those sorry uninsured bastards are stealing his socialized healthcare monies.

How could he not see the irony in that?

Comedy Gold

My SIL uses FIL (her dad) truck all the time to haul her friends, family, stuff, etc. around all the time. Hey, and if he doesn’t have a problem with it, I guess neither should I, right?

One of my BILs, the SIL’s brother, is visiting from out-of-state, and it never fails that when one of the children visit, they think they are doing favors for their parents and invariably screw something up, like “update” the computer with a virus-infected program, or change the password and forget to write it down; or drag their chronically ill father to a specialist nine hours away (driving time) and return with him sick from sitting in a car that long without moving… yeah, totally awesome.

And then these two paths crossed: SIL wants to use the truck for godknowswhat this weekend, but the battery is dead. BIL says he’ll put in a new one. BIL buys a new car battery and installs it. BACKWARDS. Luckily, the vehicle has one of those switches in case some ding-dong does that and prevents it from blowing up the motor. However, now that fuse has to be replaced. That means it has to be ordered.  Uh-oh. Someone doesn’t have a truck to drive…

FIL is pissed. SIL is pissed. BIL is pissed. Me? I’m just sitting in my seat, throwing back popcorn and grinning like a loon.

Let me look up the number for the local taxi company for you.

My FIL has been in the nursing home for the past couple of months. My husband, his son, easily spends two to three hours a night, five to six days out of each week. If she asks, he will pick MIL and take her with him when he goes to visit since she can no longer drive (the in-laws are quite elderly).

MIL gets mad if my husband can’t come pick her up early enough. He does what he can, what with working until 5:00 or 6:00 p.m. every day and having supper with his family and then trying to get a shower in, but sometimes he may not be able to go get her until 8:00 p.m. She’ll bitch about how late it is and it’s close to her bedtime and then saying “but I suppose I’ll go with you…” like he’s forcing her or something.

Then, once he finally gets her to the nursing home, she’ll sit there silently watching the TV for about 20 minutes before asking my husband if he’s ready to take her home.

My husband is not her only child living in the same town. In fact, not only does another sibling live in the same town, she doesn’t have little children at home like we do and doesn’t work a full-time job, so she’s available much earlier in the day, but why she doesn’t ask her to drive her to the nursing home to see her husband, I don’t know. And I can’t forget how she has an adult grandchild also living here who does NOT work who could taxi her around…

I wouldn’t care if my husband drove her every day if she wasn’t such an ungrateful bag.

Take that tee and shove it where the sun don’t shine.

My MIL watches golf (or bowling) all damn day long. My husband (her son) invited the in-laws over for supper tonight and while we were finishing the finishing touches of the meal, we had turned on the Open for them to watch. After the meal, my daughter came to me and asked if she could watch a movie. The kids (her grandchildren, natch) had been so good I obliged by switching on a DVD.

After a couple of minutes of previews, my MIL says, “Are they done with golf?” I replied, “No, I turned on a movie for the kids.” “Oh.”

After a couple more minutes, “Hey, you going to turn the golf game back on?” “No,” I said. I’m letting the kids watch a movie before bed.” “Oh. Okay.”

“Hey, kid. Turn on channel 6 so I can watch my golf.” I responded a little louder, “The kids are watching their movie.” “Oh.”

Listen, bitch. I know you heard me the first two times. We’re not watching your fucking golf. Go home and watch it on your TV.

10 Random Gems

Ten random gems from MIL:

  1. “Your rules are silly, this is what we do at grandma’s instead”… (not anymore, just fyi, no watching our kid now).
  2. “But you get him (*my kid*) way more often than me”!!!!!!
  3. “Please let SIL watch him” (she’s cut off because among other reasons she threatened to take our child and said she could do so at any time and when we knew it’d be too late).
  4. “You can change his sleep schedule you know” (in response to telling her she needed to put him to sleep when she used to watch him, she kept him up to play instead).
  5. She cried because we missed a visit at her house to attend a viewing for a friend’s son.
  6. “Oh (my kid) you’re my favorite!”  (In front of her husband SFIL, whose son just had a child last month.  There are also two other GC).
  7. When we have confronted her in the past, she giggles like what we called her on is “cute”.
  8. Woke up our child at my step-father’s viewing- RIGHT AFTER being told not to- because she “needed comfort”.  He hadn’t slept all day.
  9. I am a SAHM.  No matter what my kiddo learns or knows, he gets it all from DH, or my kid picks it up naturally.  Never mentions me or any contribution I may make to my child’s life.
  10. Wonder if she’ll ever ask how my c-section went or how I was feeling after?  My kid is almost 21 months old… probably not.

When In-Laws Get Terminal

My FILs health has been on the rapid decline over the past few months after he decided giving chemo a try for the multitude of cancers that have recently been discovered. A couple of years ago, a form of cancer was found and at that time he went with the hormone treatment and surgery as his overall health was not conducive to anything like chemo or radiation.

The treatments are kicking his ass, but not the cancers’. His malaise and fatigue are so bad that he’s been hospitalized for fluids building up in his chest cavity due to lack of physical activity. He’s made it to his ninth decade of life, morbidly obese and hasn’t been able to walk from one end of our home to other without being utterly winded, and this was BEFORE the cancer. His own home is a trap, narrow and cramped, preventing him from even manipulating his walker. It’s guts me to watch my husband watch his dad wither.

A few weeks ago when FIL went to the hospital for the first time with the fluid building up, he was taken by ambulance. It was a scary situation and what turned into a possible overnight stay turned into a four-night stay. One of the first things my MIL asked upon hearing he was not coming home that night was, “Well, what about me?!”

He since has gone home under very strict home instructions like elevating the legs when sitting, physical therapy, and diet restrictions. He thinks the therapy is “torture” so he doesn’t go. The diet is being maintained only because the chemo makes him sick. And the MIL complains that when he puts his feet up, it blocks her path.

She sounds selfish, doesn’t she? But he takes the cake. MIL has been on the wagon for a couple of years, but not voluntarily. It was a family-induced prohibition. FIL had set aside HIS alcohol in the basement because she was incapable of managing the stairs, but when his illness became so bad he could no longer manage the stairs, he brought the booze upstairs. Of course, he couldn’t NOT offer his wife a nightcap so he would mix her one knowing full well she’s recovering. He’s defending his actions by saying he’d only give her one. What he didn’t know is that once he fell asleep, and really he’s rarely awake, she was shooting it down, one jigger at a time. Insensitive and ignorant grandchildren were providing it in the form of either birthday or Christmas gifts, knowing grandma’s problem, because my husband had prohibited the home nursing aide from buying it for them.

I know. This isn’t cohesive and probably sounds like I’m being just the bitchy DIL, but there isn’t enough white space here to truly explain this further without providing enough details here to get myself googled and busted. I had to get it off my chest. My poor husband has to witness his parents killing each other and themselves and he feels trapped between the demands of being the respective son and a responsible human being.

In-Law Phobia

Soceraphobia – fear of parents-in-law.

While I’m not scared of mine, much like flying, spiders, bats and anything similar that makes me want to throw up when I experience them, I try to avoid them.

Facebook Drama

I’m a bit hesitatant to submit this. While searching on Google for a website that would make me feel validated, I first came across a Christian family counseling site and a site related to “letting go of your inner brat”. Both suggested being the bigger person and letting it go. I considered, then came across this site and just can’t resist. Yes I’m being a brat and yes I should confess my horrible thoughts and feelings towards my in-laws. And I’m okay with that.

The 5 years of my husband and I dating was amazing. I had a whole new family and it was a great thing. Then we got married. The 6 years since has been non-stop judgment, drama, and just nonsense. I absolutely love him to death and don’t know how he is so normal. His family is just something else. Most recently the issue was with my SIL- my husband’s brother’s wife, who has always, in my humble opinion, been a lowclass trashy beeyotch. We came to a point where we found we could agree on something- complaints about our shared MIL. And suddenly the SIL didn’t seem so bad. Until she started posting shit about us on Facebook. Seriously, out of nowhere. It’s definitely possible that we did something to piss her off, but we really don’t know what it was. When we called to ask about it, she of course denied her post being about us. And she then posted again on FB about people making things about them and then posted very specific things that were without a doubt about our 2-year-old child. Really? You’re going to take the passive aggressive route? On Facebook? So I deleted her. And she threw a fit…”You UNFRIENDED ME?!?!?”. Yes bitch. I did. Facebook is not the be all and end all. It is a website. For being social. And I have no interest in socializing with that piece of garbage anymore than I have to.

It’s been 6 months and I’m no longer angry about the whole thing, but I saw a side of her that I just can’t forget. My mom tells me to “be an adult”. But I can’t bring myself to pretend to have any respect for the SIL. What she said about us isn’t the point- it’s just that she posted things publically for other shared family to see that was obviously about us. The phone calls we got about the posts before we saw them for ourselves asking if we’re okay were humiliating. You just don’t do that.

Job Judgement

Well, I saw this site and thought I may have seen the second coming of Christ after reading some of these stories, but here’s my quick one, I’ll try to keep it short and simple.

My quick story basically began when my fiancée, now wife, and I found out she was pregnant and my parents decided to completely disown her and in the process, me, also. Fortunately, my soon-to-be MIL was kind enough to let us move in with her for a year until we can get on our feet and support ourselves. So, I packed up everything I had at my parents (almost) and moved 1500 miles away (from Maryland to Texas) and we’ve been here for almost a year, so that time of needing to pay bills and such is coming up, nonetheless.
Things were fine for the first few months, then we got married and had our first child and life began a new chapter for each of us. We are still in the process of making peace with my parents, at least we are on speaking terms and have a relationship, I mean, it’s not perfect but it’s definitely good right now so I cannot complain too much.
It was about 2 or 3 months ago, when my wife told me that my MIL talks crap behind my back that I don’t make enough money and should find a different job (I work as a server in a restaurant). Except according to my wife, she says the MIL didn’t say it to me because she feels that it is “not her place to say that to me,” which I understand, but honestly, I tell everybody, if you have a problem with me, then address it to me because tension culminates and when that happens, it makes a blowup, which is exactly what happened between my wife and my parents about a week after we told them the news. So, more to the point, one job I’ve wanted to go full time at for so long is at The Walt Disney Company in Florida, which I could not do a few years ago because I needed to finish my college degree. Now, I am at the point where I have the money and can move there to do it all, but the MIL of course has an opinion and is like “there’s no career there, that’s for like the elderly and the college kids, not people like you.” It’s very obvious to me that she has no regard for my feelings or what’s in my heart as a career. My job there is what led my wife and I together and we used to talk about moving there and going full time because we say all the time “we owe Disney so much.”
Ever since the MIL has been back in her life, she manipulates, plants seeds in her head that I’m basically a kid or not mature enough, things like everything I want are not enough and not going to work to support her and my son. It’s like, she hasn’t even given me a chance to try let alone even lived that life when both my wife and I have and survived just fine. I know one reason for her attitude on careers and money is solely because she owns her own company and works for like 3 or 4 others all at the same time, so to her, it’s obvious I don’t do what she does and anything I do won’t impress her, unless I’m the heir to like Steve Jobs or Donald Trump.
She just doesn’t understand that Disney is my dream and a big part of my life and asking me to completely throw it away is not going to happen because I have a job for them and it paid well and I got raises and get chances to advance my career and position within the company. Any time I basically bring up the topic whether it’s a vacation there, a career there, or most recently, a Christmas or housing decoration, she jumps all over me saying “you need to grow up and know your place and quit talking back on me.” Basically, her opinion is that it’s too childish a career to have let alone to have it exhibited reflects poorly on me and my wife (the sub-text I just know is “what are people gonna think of me and how I raised my daughter?” anybody can realize that). Every single time, I just try and express my feelings or defend my thoughts and she considers it bitching or back talking and it’s driving me crazy.
I’m sorry to ramble on, but I just fear that this could lead to a demise in my personal and work life, and especially in my marriage. Although my wife and I are fixing to move out after 2012 rings in, I fear this hostility and control thing will not stop. I just don’t know what I’m gonna do, I’m just scared this whole thing could be past the point of no return and the only solution will be either move far, far away or just leave the whole thing altogether.
There’s no getting through to my MIL because she’s so hard headed, doesn’t show emotions, let alone really let people in because of past relationships whether they were serious or not. Her heart’s honestly guarded by fireproof objects like barbed wire and chains.
I just need some help and advice, anything at this point, I’m just close to breaking down and leaving it all behind.

In-Laws on Facebook

My relationship with my SIL and her adult children has been strained for years. However, because we are all adults, when the SIL and one of her children requested to be friends with me on Facebook, I accepted. I figured they made the effort so could I.

Several months went by and while we rarely reciprocated with each other, I made sure to filter any of my updates they may find offensive. Again, for the sake of playing nice.

I just noticed that they have both now unfriended me. If it had been one of them, I could have seen it as a possible glitch. Both though has me wondering what the hell I did wrong this time to offend them.

I’m torn between asking them which I would hope cause some embarrassment; to not asking because I want to pretend I don’t even notice or care. It’s not like we interacted with each other. The only thing we have in common is that they are related to my husband. I’m angry, upset and even a bit humiliated since I knew it had to be a joint decision where I was the topic of a back-stabbing. And not knowing why makes my stomach clench.

Driving Me Nuts

My FIL believes that garage door openers need to be hidden in the car, not left out in the open. He says that if thieves can see the opener, they will break into the car, try to get the code for the opener and then break into your house.

This is from the same guy who when he went to church, would leave the keys in the car and shift it to neutral. This was supposed to prevent the ruining of the drivetrain in case “some asshole” ran into his car while he was in the church. Supposedly he has stopped doing this.

After the election of Obama to office, he went out and bought himself an insanely expensive, gas-guzzling SUV because he was convinced that once in office, Obama was going to ban all but electric cars. Two years have passed and that SUV has less than 1,500 miles. Yes, that comma is in the right place and no, no zeros are missing. He can’t drive it. It’s too complicated to run and too hard to get in. Did I mention that my FIL will be 90? He shouldn’t even have a driver’s license because he can’t see!

Now he has to come to grips with the realization that since he can’t drive it, he’ll need to sell it. If someone has the kind of money he wants for that ridiculous vehicle, they sure the hell aren’t going to spend it on a “used” car, and he doesn’t get that.

Lord, give me the strength…

Via a Daughter-in-Law:

My Place or Mine?

My husband’s sister (SIL), his niece (NIL) and the niece’s daughter (NILD) are coming to visit for the first time in over a year. They are staying at his other sister’s, (SIL2) who lives locally. Since I’ve recently become a SAHM and have a daughter the same age as NILD, I was expecting NIL to bring NILD over to our house to play one of the afternoons she is here…just because. I mean all my daughter’s toys are here and it would give NIL and myself a chance to catch up…

I found out that if I want to see NIL or NILD, I “have to go to her house”. I find this rather rude since my daughter is afraid of their dog and I’m allergic. I know I’m being self-centered since NIL and her daughter did travel to our city, but really? Why does SIL2 seem to think that her home has to be the hub of any interaction? I resent it.

It’s Her Birthday and We’ll Do What I Want

My MIL’s birthday was recently and for family birthdays, the birthday-girl or -boy gets to pick the place to go out to eat. My husband, her son, talked to her on the phone and since she wasn’t sure where she wanted to go, he made  several suggestions based on what she’s liked in the past. She decided on a casual evening at a pizza place.

A couple of hours later, SIL calls and says that MIL would really like asian food instead and asked her brother if he would be OK with that since my husband really does not like the food and neither does my son. He told her such, but said if that’s what MIL wanted then I guess we would make do somehow. But, he asked, I thought she wanted pizza? No, she doesn’t, was the SIL’s response.

Knowing how SIL can be, my husband called MIL to find out why she changed her mind. MIL told him that she didn’t tell her daughter that she wanted asian and she got angry about it. MIL then called SIL and said they were going for pizza. SIL responded, Fine! We’ll just drop off your present and cake and leave because WE don’t want pizza!

She must have thought my husband would never question her because she normally always gets her way. She was totally busted this time. Oh, and she did show up but stayed and ate with the rest of us and acted as if it was in their plans the whole time.

Let me count the ways…

My inlaws, all of them, drive me insane! They are so not a normal family. My husband comes from a family of eight children, I will give you a short synopsis of each one….
 
First there is my MIL. She is a total pushover, and I swear she is brainless. Our daughter will never be equal to my SIL’s children, she has no interest in her what so ever. 
 
The oldest brother is an alcoholic living in a homeless shelter. He wants to live with my husband, my daughter and I. I said no. Absolutely not. Now he bad mouths me and calls me a bitch.
 
The next in line is the only SIL that I like. Thank God for her.
 
Next, my BIL and his wife. They live in filth. They smoke..constantly..in their house, around their children, who have no clothes and do not go to school. Nice, right?
 
Next…My Gay BIL, the only normal one in the family. I love him, dearly.
 
Oh, my favorite SIL (notice the sarcasm) that back-stabbing, two- faced, horrible person. She takes the cake. Lies. Cheats. Steals. Has a royally bad attitude. She is on the verge of wrecking my marriage. It’s funny to me that she calls everyone white trash–she is the queen of it!
 
Next are the twins, they party. Have no responsibility what- so- ever.
 
My husband–he’s not too bright. He doesn’t see any of this behavior. Nor does he do anything productive in our marriage. I WANT OUT!

Family Fun!

I’ve added a new category to help fill the voids (because your in-laws are SO boring!). I’ll include links to posts I happen across that are in-law related. A good way to find new blogs to read AND get confirmation that in-laws have a universal ability to make just about everyone nuts.

Thank you, blaugra at The Peevery.

Don’t Want To Start Off On The Wrong Foot

I am up in the middle of the night stressing about my baby shower.  I am 7 months pregnant.  My husband’s ex co-worker thought it was important for me to have a shower as my close family live in another country and won’t be able to throw one for me.  I thought that was sweet of her, and because I have met her only once, told him I would accept – but would like to keep it very small, inviting only the friends I have made whilst living here for the past 3 years.  Also I thought I could keep it smaller because my sister in-law offered to throw me one – only the in-law family who live in another town not too far away.  That way 2 smaller showers instead of one bigger one would have been better. 

My husband is receiving calls and emails from his family with their emails to forward to his ex co-worker so that they can be included in the guest list.  This is includes the mother in law, sister-in-law, brothers’ girlfriends, cousin, aunt and step-grandmother.  That is quite a few extra people, and I really do not know his ex co-worker very well at all and it would be a bit gaudy to put this budget and organization on her shoulders.

My sister-in-law had also in the past offered us the use of her baby things she is not using anymore, but then sold them.  It looks like she promises one thing, but does another.   

I can’t really say anything to my SIL because I do not know her that well.  Her father paid for her shower at an expensive country club, and I feel if they would like to attend this shower – who someone I really do not know well has been kind enough to offer to host it, I somewhat feel that he too could contribute to the expense, but yet again, it is not for me to say so. Also if they all come, and I am inviting some of my husband’s female friends, it will be 75% his friends and only 25% mine.

I have not seem my own family for years, as I have spent the past few years helping him through graduate school.  His sister and mom I feel often put their feelings ahead of mine. I understand it is her grandchild, and I would not mind having her there, but I would prefer it if they knew their place.  I just feel that they could contribute to the shower, but how do I go about letting them know how I feel?  I would prefer 2 smaller showers, as was first the plan, but they seem to be shifting responsibility and expense on someone I hardly know.   

I need to show how I feel as they will keep on walking over me.  And as my own mother lives on the other side of the world, I will not have the pillar of support like most new mothers have and it makes me a little sad.  I don’t always like going to my mom for advice because I don’t like her to worry if I am feeling stressed.  I miss her so much and I am tired of family in law.  I am going to see my own family in December in my homeland and I am so excited about it.  I just need a break. 

Well, I will try to get back to sleep. I think I just need to rant to someone out there.

Strike (the MIL) While the Iron Is Hot

My in-laws, without asking if my husband and I had other plans or not, booked and paid for flights and a hotel for their son only to join them on a holiday.

The night before their flight, they insisted that he and I come over for dinner and because he had left some clothes there that they think he should bring.

When we arrived I find that he had not left any clothes there at all and MIL began going through his bag to see what he had packed. 

MIL: “Why are you sending my son with his bag packed like this?”

Me: “He packed his own bag, what’s wrong with it?”

MIL: “Look at it, his shirts aren’t ironed”

Me: “They’re T-Shirts, why would you iron a T-Shirt?”

MIL: “I can’t believe you’d send him like this, what if someone I know sees him?”

Me: “I don’t iron T-shirts, he doesn’t ask me to. But if he did I would laugh and tell him to do it himself”

MIL: “I’m surprised you even bothered to WASH his clothes for him, or did he have to do that himself too?”

MIL then emptied out his bag, placed a towel on the table opposite where I was eating my dinner and ironed every single T-shirt in his bag, as well as his pajamas  and re-ironed anything that I had obviously already ironed.
She actually carried on so much that night that I started thinking that most people may actually regularly iron their T-shirts. I asked all of my friends if they had ever met anyone who ironed T-shirts and not one of them had. 

I am so glad I was not asked to join them on that holiday. I am sorry if she is jealous that her son now lives with me, but she does not need to try to make me or him feel that I am not looking after him well enough. 

She also comes in to where he and I work together to drop off hot cooked meals for him to replace the meals that I prepare and pack for him daily. She asks what I made him, and it’s not as boring as plain sandwiches but obviously not a cooked meal because I work and don’t have time for that, and says “oh, good thing I brought this”- that’s just rude. And you know what?Ffrom those meals you can tell why her husband and other kids are so obese!

(In laws are crazy!! I am so glad I have found your site, to know that I am not the only one dealing with the crazy all the time. It’s not something you can talk about with most people!)

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