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Dear FIL,

Adoption does not cure infertility.  Adoption cures childlessness.  I do not know how to make it any simpler for you.

I will not be getting pregnant after we adopt.  I am on the pill.  I have shitty ovaries.

Yes. Yes.  Your wife was told she’d never have children too.  Yes.  Yes.  Your wife went on to have two biologial children after you adopted.  But! But!  Your wife didn’t have any tests, wasn’t subjected to “treatment”, didn’t have to take any medication…  The diagnosis your wife received 40 years ago is not equal to the diagnosis and decsions I am dealing with now.

I know you don’t believe me (because you went on and on about it) – but not being able to get pregnant doesn’t make me feel less of a woman.  However, being told you love me even though I can’t make babies does make me feel like less of a human.

So, thanks for that.


p.s.  To say that I can’t get pregnant because I want to get pregnant, is not only insulting, offensive and dismissive – it’s also ignorant.


7 responses »

  1. Your FIL sucks. I want to kick him in the face. I’m sorry he was an ass to you.

  2. oh 😦

    What arseholes.

  3. Oh dude, that is so very very wrong. I am so, so, sorry.

  4. What a patronizing prick! Are there any books out there to give to potential grandparents? It would have to be one that uses small words and lots of pictures because he sounds mentally stunted.

  5. MotherHubbard

    I have a Mother-in-Law submittal for you – drop me a note as to where to email it for the “NEXT addition”

  6. I felt like I was in a movie called “What not to say to an adopting infertile”. Seriously. He said just about everything you shouldn’t say. And repeated them a couple times for clarity.

  7. What a wanker! Some people really don`t know when to keep their mouths shut!


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