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Holy Moley

Dear Future Mother-in-Law:

My fiance and I are planning a small, non-religious ceremony. It is not a reflection on your son’s poor upbringing that we are not religious. It is just what we both believe and are comfortable with. So please, PLEASE, stop crossing yourself every time you see me, before you eat in my presence, and just generally whenever I’m around. I know you’re not Catholic. I’VE BEEN TO YOUR CHURCH. Also? I have noticed the recent insistence in “saying grace” before we eat any meals at your home. This kind of passive-aggressive “disappointment” does not a convert make. It only serves to further solidify my opinion that you don’t consider me a human being, but as a potential host for your future grandchilden–grandchildren that you hope will be raised in your religion. You’ve raised your son, he’s wonderful, we love each other, your work is done. Stop trying to raise me, too. My parents did a great job.


Your Future Daughter-in-Law


5 responses »

  1. When no one but your MIL is looking at you, put your fingers up to your head like horns and wag your tongue at your her. You my as well enjoy the perks that come with eternal damnation – per your MIL’s sorry way of thinkng.

  2. But does she include the phrase “and bless this food to the nourishment of our body” even if you are dining on KFC and doughnuts. You know, because it’s not a “real” prayer unless Jesus converts triglercydes into the essential vitamins and minerals.

  3. My very Catholic inlaws took it much better than yours. Good luck – be strong!

  4. OMG! I came over from TKO and I had to tell you that I love reading about inlaws that are from other planets! You must be applauded for not bitch slapping either of them. But, darn you, I had to add you to my already too long list of reads.

  5. My MIL came for a visit a few months ago, I left my husband with her for a bit so that I could work-out upstairs. After a while, I heard my husband start to raise his voice (I’ve known him for 14 years and he’s never raised his voice to me – even when I’M being bitchy) and I wondered if I should cut things short and join them.

    When I joined them, everything seemed fine. Later he told me that my mother-in-law said we needed to have our sons baptized because if anything happened to them we would never forgive ourselves – they would be damned to Hell. She went on to tell him that he didn’t have to do it in the church, he could baptize them secretly in the bathtub while silently praying over them.

    I asked him why was he almost shouting, and he said that he he didn’t realize that he was. He was asking her if she was serious.

    It’s interesting to me that someone who lived her life with no regard to morals would have such a powerful opinion in this matter.


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