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The “Eyes” Have It

My MIL has two boys (both perfect, of course). I married her younger son, M, this year, after dating him for 5 years. Now, I know what you’re thinking…I had 5 years to get to know this family…why didn’t I run? Well, she was pretty nice until the day that M bought the engagement ring. Literally. Her first comment when her proud son drove an hour to show his parents the ring before giving it me were, “I get half of the holidays”. Should have been a warning when M relayed that to me right after our engagement. Apparently, I am not as clever as I thought I was.

It will also help if I give a little background on M’s older brother P. P, as I mentioned, is perfect. (according to his mother) Then obviously it stands to reason that P’s wife, the first “girl” in the family, would be perfect as well, right? Of course. She is in the Inner Circle, I am not, and never will be. Never mind the fact that A is an absolute airhead that can’t tell her head from her…I digress. Well P married A while they were in college. They were from the same small town, yadayadayada. Well, A is an only child. Perfect! My MIL simply includes A’s parents at every holiday, and they’ve yet to spend any time away from the in-laws. (Did I mention they all live within 5 minutes of each other?!) Anyway, P and A now have 2 perfect children. We’ll call them Princess and Prince. Both blond with blue eyes. Important for later.

Moving on. After many bitter and hateful attacks from MIL during the wedding planning process, I’m a little gun-shy. I never allow myself to have more than a glass of wine at their house, because I feel like I always need to have my wits about me. Instead, I bite my tongue, waiting for my husband to stand up for us, which he always promises to do before every visit, yet never does when he needs to. You see, M has grown tired of his mother’s nagging after all these years, and has developed the ability to block everything that she says. (Note to self: develop this ability quickly!) So this particular exchange happened like all others, where she attacks me, but M doesn’t hear/understand how mean the comment was until the ride home, when I explain.

MIL: Isn’t “Princess” (P&A’s 2 year old daughter) the most beautiful little girl you’ve ever seen?

Me: Sure.

MIL: I mean, she has the most gorgeous blonde hair and blue eyes.

Me: Yep.

MIL: (staring at me) Hmmm…what color are your mom’s eyes?

Me : Brown. (The same color as mine)

MIL: What color were your dad’s eyes? (He passed away 2 years ago)

Me: Brown.

MIL: What about your grandmother?

Me: (Deep in thought, trying to remember, as she too is gone. Apparently, she thought that I was looking at M, trying to figure it out)

MIL: Why are you looking at M? He doesn’t know what color her eyes were! (cackling)

Me: I was just trying to remember…it’s been a while…

MIL: Oh, well. I was just wondering if there was any hope that you two would have children with blonde hair and blue eyes. I guess not…

Me: Well, Adolph, I really hate to disappoint you…

Just kidding about the last line…but I really wish I would have said it.The nerve!! And the fact that no one else thought it inappropriate…even scarier.


4 responses »

  1. I HATE having to explain things on the car ride home.

  2. It’s when I do have to explain that reminds me that my husband is indeed related to the in-laws.

    That scares the crap out of me!

  3. I would have said “Oh so when we have a daughter you can have a beautiful Blue eyed granddaughter and a beautiful Brown eyed granddaughter. I’m sure they will be equal in your eyes!”
    And leave her to either bury herself or dig her way out – whichever way she thinks is best!

    Because it took over 10 years for my husband to learn to defend me against my MIL I taught my son – that it is his job to defend his wife to me, to my mother, to my MIL to her mother, or whoever, is attacking her. They’ve been married for 2.5 years now and I think he’s only had to defend her against MY MOTHER – but when Mom called to complain to me that Son was mean – I told her Don’t you wish Daddy had defended you like that when y’all were first married. SHUT HER UP IMMEDIATELY!

  4. MotherHubbard, I will do the same as you. I swear it.


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