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It’s All My Fault

Let’s just get this out of the way right now.  It’s always my fault. 

When I first met my MIL, she was for all intents and purposes, “normal.”  We both had mother issues.  We were kismet!  All was good. 

I will say that I don’t spend a lot of time talking to any of my in-laws.  Not for any other reason than hating talking on the phone.  Now and again, we’d exchange a nice email, but for the most part, we’d only see them when they came into town. 

My MIL and step-FIL are drive by visitors.  Meaning, they will have coffee or lunch with us when they are in town to visit other friends.  It’s got to be a whole trip.  Not just coming out to visit us and spending the day with us.  But I digress, that really isn’t my in law beef right now. 

A few months ago, right around Christmas, my MIL called my husband and said that she didn’t think that I would love my baby (I was, at the time, about 7 months pregnant.)  Nice right?  This was based on stuff that my step FIL read on my blog (hindsight being what it is, they have my url, and have for years, back in the day when blogging was new, they had both of our urls), and then relayed to my MIL, probably in attempts to upset her.  I don’t know.  This upset my husband and of course, I spent a good week crying about how I was going to be a shitty mother.  My husband ended up in the hospital with heart palpitations and anxiety attacks and she refused to apologize.  She really didn’t get it until her therapist told her it was all her fault.  It took a while for the light bulb in my husbands head to go off and stick up for me.  But he did and all was “OK” for awhile.  It was tense, but I could deal with it. I know a lot of her issues have to do with her not resolving issues with her estranged mother before she died. 

And of course it’s my fault. 

Then my son was born.  And she didn’t walk to the crazy, she RAN to the crazy. 

I am convinced that your parents go certified crazy after a grandchild is born.  Especially a first one.  Something breaks.  They short circut.   My IL’s now disregard our feelings entirely.  Especially in regards to child rearing.  If we tell him he doesn’t like to be held a certain way, they do it anyway, surely because we’re new parents and we couldn’t possibly know anything.  Like you know, I don’t know my own kid. She invites friends over when we visit to pass our son off to them, without asking us first, and then conveniently can’t get a hold of them when we ask her to make their friends visit another day.  She’s also made several off handed comments to me about our choice to formula feed.  Which pisses me off to no end, because it was a joint decision, but I know she secretly thinks that I have stuck a hanger up my husband’s ass and have made a puppet out of him. 

So of course, it’s my fault. 

My first mother’s day, we’re spending with friends.  We had no idea that other family was flying into town to spend time with my MIL for a joint Mother’s Day/ Birthday for my step-FIL.   When we told them we had other plans, we were guilted to the tune of “have a nice life” when we put our foot down and told them that plans had already been made.   Clearly it’s a control thing now and we’re playing that game. 

This?  This is also my fault. 

And to top it off?  We’re moving, cross country. 

Say it with me now,  It’s ALL my fault. 


One response »

  1. I’m so sorry this relationship is such a trial! It’s sad, because it really doesn’t hafta be that way, ya know? My MIL was my VERY FAVORITE woman in ALL THE WORLD! She passed about seven years ago, and I STILL cry over it~worse than anybody in the family!

    I guess it makes me think about how to keep my relationship strong with my own children, and how to NOT turn into one of those CrAzY MIL’s myself one day! (((((HUGS))))) sandi


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