With our first d/c we learned a few things – first it wasn’t a miscarriage but an ectopic pregnancy. We hadn’t told our parents. We felt they deserved to know why we were avoiding family functions etc. So DH told my mother and she gave the appropriate response of genuine concern and worry about our well being. He then broke the news to his parents. On my next visit with his parents my fil asked some questions like – are you doing okay, what’s the likelihood of this happening again, is there any way to prevent this, etc.
My mil asked 1 question – “are you feeling okay?” I responded with I’m fine and she then proceeded to tell us that one of DH’s cousins was pregnant and no one in the family was happy about it. Never digging any further emotionally and not listening to my answers to her husband.
Yes, I did need to know that eventually awful cousin would be having yet another child that they wouldn’t take care of, however not a week after having a d/c. Wait until the second trimester for goodness sake I did not need to know. DH didn’t even need or want to know at that point. Needless to say this was one of the reasons why we did not fully disclose our ifertility issues and why we still keep most of our personal issues private rather than open with them.
When we finally disclosed some of our issues – never saying who had the problem we got unhelpful advice and frequent mentioning of multiples… they just didn’t get it and DH decided that they were not the people we should be discussing any of our concerns or worries with. I didn’t even have to say a word.