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Patient and Tactful, He Is Not

We got married a bit over 3 months ago, and got engaged about a year before that. The second my DH put the ring on my finger my FIL started asking us about kids. We told him that we are not ready yet and let he know when we are.

As the wedding approached he kept on asking with certain frequency the same question. The closer the wedding got the more often he started asking. About 2-3 months before the wedding he started asking us every week or so. He saw that DH got really mad every time he asked the question (I really want kids and the sooner the better, but DH wants to wait a little, so we’ve agreed to wait about a year and then start trying and when it happens it happens).

So last weekend we picked up FIL to go to the beach and DH went back inside to get some water and left me in the car with FIL (he is a very sweet guy), so FIL asked me if he can ask a question about our family, so I said sure (I didn’t see any harm in it.) So here is the conversation:

FIL: ” Which one of you does not want to have kids?”

DIL: “We both want to, but DH wants to wait a little”

FIL: “What is he waiting for? You are not getting any younger”

I am only 24 and DH is 30.

FIL: “You have a family now and there is no family without kids”

DIL: “We’ve only been an official family for 3 months. We’ll get around to having kids. We just want to wait a little”

FIL: “So what exactly are you waiting for? You know that it does not get any easier with age.”

DIL: “We want to wait for us to be ready and not to be between jobs. We want to make sure we can support a kid first, before bringing a new one into the world. DH wants to have a more stable job, because I won’t be working for at least first 6 months when the baby comes”

FIL: “Well, you are both working now and you are not that bad off”

Then he sees that DH is approaching, so he says:

FIL: “Don’t tell DH that I asked you about this”

DIL: “Ok!”

How else can you explain to them that we are not ready for kids yet?

Sometimes he would start telling us how to raise kids, that he read so many books on how to raise them and we definitely should ask him for help. I even got in the argument with him once, because he was saying that kids, especially boys, should not be affectionate and that parents should be strict with them. I am a fair believer that everyone should grow up in the family with lots of love and affection.

So after this conversation, I asked DH to tell his parents to stop asking me about kids and I asked my parents to ask my grandma to ask DH about kids 😉


2 responses »

  1. Tell FIL that DH has no sperm and ask if he’d be willing to give a sample. That should shut him up. ;o)

  2. Tell FIL if he is willing to buy EVERYTHING that you will need to support said child, then you would consider it – and I mean EVERYTHING – from diaper service or diapers, to daycare, to clothing, to shoes to prom dress, to the car, to the band instrument, to the baseball uniform to camps, to the college education (oh and you need a $50K deposit – upfront) then you will have kids….

    What is with the pressure???? Enjoy your married life, once you have kids it all changes…. don’t get me wrong kids are awesome and I love mine….but kids change everything…


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