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Not the Mama!

A little over a month ago, DH and I found out that I’m pregnant. We have been keeping the whole thing fairly quiet because I have had miscarriages before and I am considered high risk. However, we decided to tell immediate family members right away. We figured that no matter what happened, it would be good to have the support. So we told our parents and siblings. We told each of them to keep it absolutely quiet until we can make it to the end of the first trimester. Apparently this is driving my MIL insane (amongst many, many other things to do with this pregnancy). She calls our house once a week to ask DH when we’re planning on telling people. She desperately wants us to call and tell DH’s grandparents (her parents). These are two people who couldn’t be bothered to come to their first grandchild’s wedding, so what makes you think that they’re going to care about this?

Today the pressure to tell everyone got much worse. She called this morning to ask DH AGAIN when we’re planning on telling people. I’m glad he’s the one who talks to her because I’m not nearly as patient! He said again that we aren’t telling people until the end of February/beginning of March because that’s when we finish the first trimester. She wanted to know why and if we really feel like we need to wait that long. He patiently explained why we want to wait that long. Then she said, “Well I really want you to tell people on Valentine’s Day because I think it would be cute.” So DH patiently explained again that while that sounds like a lovely idea, we are waiting for very good reasons. She asked to speak to me. Then she told me that she wants me to tell people on Valentine’s Day. I wasn’t quite as polite as DH was about it. I told her that we have explained our reasons multiple times and that since it’s our baby, we will choose to tell people when we want to tell them.

DH and I went to run errands today. MIL called three more times while we were gone and left messages listing the reasons why we have to tell people on Valentine’s Day. We haven’t called her back. I can’t face it right now. It’s not her decision to make. It’s our baby and we will tell people when we are good and ready!! Let it go! I’m sure that this isn’t the last we’ve heard of this. I’m sure that every night this week through Thursday we will get phone calls about why she wants us to tell people on Valentine’s. Apparently since she wants us to tell them, we have to do it. How long until she realizes that she’s not the mom!?!?! It’s going to be a long nine months…


This story was submitted a few days before Valentine’s Day. Sorry it didn’t get published until now, but I hope the Sane In-Law who sent it was able to stick to her guns.


6 responses »

  1. It is too bad she has to be that way! But way to stick to your guns about it – it is better to nip this kind of behavior in the bud before it gets worse. There is no reason to let her tell you what to do – you are the one who is pregnant, not her!!

  2. I was the same way when we were pregnant. Also high risk and cautious about telling people until 2nd trimester. Plus I always hated my co-workers who came to work and annouced they were pregnant the day after peeing on a stick! March is almost here. There is no reason she can’t wait a couple more weeks.

    Maybe tell her that Valentine’s was no good since on Valentine’s Day you like to have wild, hot, passionate sex. But since she really wants you to announce on a holiday tell her she’ll have to wait until a more baby appropriate holiday – like maybe Easter with all the pastel colors. Then maybe she’ll shut up out of fear that you’ll end up making her wait even longer.

    Congratulations! Hoping you have a very smooth pregnancy.

  3. Not doing it your way

    I love your title! And trust me, it only gets worse after the baby is born. Stick to your guns!

  4. I think every time she calls with another reason to tell on Valentine’s Day, you should extend the telling deadline. So the first time, you say Mar. 1. She calls again, you say, “It’s now March 8.” If she pushes it too far, she won’t be able to tell people until they notice a new little bundle in the family photos!

  5. My MIL kept asking my husband if I was pregnant b/c she didn’t have to kahoneys to just ask me. I’m 18 weeks (also high-risk) and still haven’t confirmed it. I think of it as telling a little kid: the later I tell her, the less time she has to think about it and drive me nuts with incessant quesitons and advice.

  6. Your situation sounds IDENTICAL to mine, so you have my deepest sympathy. My MIL kept calling and bugging us as to WHEN we would be telling the rest of the family. Meanwhile, I found out that she had gone behind our backs and badmouthed the quality of our marriage to my FIL (her EX-hubby of more than 30 years). When my hubby called my FIL on Christmas morning to wish him a Merry Christmas he was greeted with a flood of personal questions about our marriage and said, “Well, as long as you 2 don’t have any kids together. . . .” That was so hurtful considering I was 14 weeks pregnant. I’ll NEVER forgive either one of them for that hurt.


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