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The Acorn Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree

My husband and I got married 6 years ago because I was pregnant. Stupidly, I married a guy I truly had only known for 2 1/2 months! He had told me he hadn’t been in contact with his family for 10 years. He said his dad was a real jerk to him all his life and he just broke off all contact. Six months into our marriage I find out that my husband got a 15 year old pregnant when he was 26 and then married her. She left him shortly after the baby was born, left the baby behind, too. My husband wound up giving the baby to his father and step-mother to adopt. That was the real reason why he was not in contact with his family.

I managed to get hubby to contact his father and patch things up. FIL, a real arrogant, self-absorbed, ego-maniac, turns out to be divorced from Husband’s step-mother and now has a new wife. The son he allowed his father to adopt has ADHD and oppositional defiance disorder and possibly Asperger’s. There is none – and most likely will never be – any contact between Husband and his son.

For the first time in the four years we had been in contact with my FIL, we were invited to his house by his wife. My FIL was away on business and we went to keep her company one day, a month earlier she had a stroke (second one in 3 years) and was recovering. Two weeks before the visit, I had given birth to my third child. I noticed that all the pictues we had given them of the kids were nowhere to be found. I asked her about it and she said that because Husband’s son doesn’t know that we are in the picture that she took the pictures to her work and my FIL has a couple stuffed in a desk drawer at his job, as he couldn’t display them because Husband’s son would visit the office every now and then. So, essentially, Husband, me, the kids, we were their dirty little secret.

On the wall going up the stairs [of the in-laws] are pictures of family members and their spouses and grandchildren and whoever else. Guess who didn’t make it upon the wall or any place else for that matter? You got it…me!  They say they are so grateful that I bridged the gap between my husband and his dad. So grateful that they always forget my birthday as well. So grateful that there’s only 2 pictures of my kids, as opposed to several of other relatives and step-realtives’ kids. So grateful that they had to show me my husband’s wedding pictures from when he married the 15 year old. Yes, I feel special. NOT.


8 responses »

  1. Well that’s a weird entry. Usually, I can totally relate, but this time, I don’t think the problem is the in-laws.

    Sounds like you hate your husband too, despite staying married and having three kids by him. (“Stupidly, I married a guy I truly had only known for 2 1/2 months!”).

    (“There is none – and most likely will never be – any contact between Husband and his son.”) Honestly, if your husband can’t man-up to make contact with his son, you can’t expect his father and step-mother to tell the child they’ve raised his real father is now in the picture, but can’t be bothered to know him.

  2. My husband’s former step-mother won’t allow any contact. They are leaving it up to the boy to contact my husband.

  3. Oh, I thought from your post he didn’t want to be in contact. How old is the child? Did your husband try telling his dad that he wants a relationship? That’s pretty bad to not allow contact if so.

    I assume the adoption was a legal adoption and he now has no rights(?)

  4. Because of editing needs and maybe my inability to properly type out my thoughts, the story isn’t told properly. My hubby thought it best to stay away from his child so as to not mess him up further. The boy will be 16 in May. While it sounds like I hate my husband, nothing could be further from the truth. I couldn’t picture my life without him. It just hurts that he decided not to tell me the truth about himself, his past. At first when I found out the truth he said it was none of my business. The sting from that lasted a long time…marriage counselor even said I should divorce him. But that will never happen. I’d rather just vent.

  5. Yes, the adoption was legal…or so I was told…and no, he doesn’t have any rights to the boy.
    The Inlaws, they recently redecorated their house with photos on the wall going up the stairs and only 2 pics of my kids made it up there and they were given a whole lot more than 2 pictures. The story presented here makes it seem at first that they just didn’t display the pictures and then eventually just displaying 2 of them. The vast array of pictures on that wall are new. They previously displayed many other pictures, which are still there, in their livingroom on a bookcase, of the new step-mom’s kids and spouses, grandkids, and hubby’s son, displaying none of my kids, of course. Which prompted the inquiry which I suppose brought them to put all those pictures up upon the wall, with none of me and only 2 pics of my kids.

  6. Oh, I see. It was the way it was edited, sorry.

    On the in-laws photo display, that’s weird. I wonder who the 16 year old thinks your kids are? Hard situation.

  7. It is stuff soap operas are made of…and what’s been told here is only part of the story. It’s almost a del breaker, save for the fact that I love my husband regardless of all that.

  8. Sounds like a very complex situation, and you are doing a great job hold everything together.


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