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For Better or For Worse

When my husband and I were dating in high school, his parents hated me. Not for any other reason than the fact that I was taking their son’s time away from them. They called me a stupid slut before they even met me. They said I changed him. He was no longer a good person.

Years later after we eloped because we didn’t want to deal with his parents, I thought they started to actually like me. They made their snide remarks that I did my best to ignore. Everything blew up when my son was born. We saw how inconsiderate and mean they really were.

When we confronted them about all of our issues with them, FIL went on about how my husband had changed for the worse. A little later in the conversation, when I was fed up with my husband being bashed by his father, I said that I love him and that he is the greatest husband I could ever ask for; how he is a true gentleman and kind and sensitive and strong and etc. My FIL said, “Well you have to understand that all those things you love about him are because his mother and I instilled those values in him.”

So, wait. You gave him all of his good qualities and I gave him all his bad qualities? Maybe, just maybe, my husband evolved into the man he is today because of the relationship he has had with me for the past eight years.


4 responses »

  1. Are you me?! Seriously, my FIL wrote almost that exact quote in our wedding sign-in book! I kid you not!

  2. my mom does the same stuff to me. She is the reason for all my good qualities and every accomplishment, but as for my bad qualities, I did that on my own!

  3. Seriously, why is it that the bad stuff is the wife’s fault? Why can’t DH just make some bad choices because he’s his own person or (gasp) because dear old MIL and FIL steered him in that direction?

  4. I have the exact same issue with my my in laws. I married a wonderful, caring, supportive, and loving man. I see it as he is like this dispite how his family is. He is ignored, over looked and taken for granted by his parents even though he jumps through hoops to please them. They just don’t see or appreciate him. They only bestow acolades on his siblings. They have have been treating our children the same for years.

    Thankfully I think my husband (although he will never admit it) sees the behavior, and little by little is having less and less contact with them. He still loves them deeply as do I, but I think we have both just finally come to understand that they will never change and nothing we can do will change that. We have tried every way imaginable over the years but life is just to short to have to tolerate these things. I’ts funny but they get mad now that he is drifting away from them, of course I am sure that they blame it all on me but I really have nothing to do with it.


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