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If He Asks Me One More Time…

My FIL is an alcoholic, drug-addict who has not worked for over ten years; expects his children to support him financially; and has been having an affair for the last 8 years… We visit FIL and MIL around once every week and a half (too often for my liking) – the only reason we visit is because my DH feels sorry for his Mum, he doesn’t talk to his Dad.
 
We have a beautiful 7 month old baby boy and when we visit them it is like i don’t exist. I used to get on well with them but since the baby was born things have become very tense. It’s almost like they want me to disappear so that they can have my baby all to themselves (yeah right, I’m really gonna leave my beloved child in the presence of that man). Our baby is the spitting image of my DH and because of this I have to hear constant references to their family and how he is just like them. They completely disregard any likeness to my family that someone might mention. Baby may look like his Daddy but he has many qualities from my side as well.
 
On top of all this, every time we are at their house FIL asks me ‘Do you massage the baby?’. He must have asked me this about 25 times, I’m not exaggerating. My answer is the same every time – ‘yes after baby has his bath I massage him’. I tell you, if he asks me one time I think I will throw something at him!!!!!!!! The only way I can think to handle this is to completely ignore him the next time he asks, because believe me there will be a next time! Either that or I will end up saying ‘My answer hasn’t changed since the last 20 times you asked me’… but this will be seen as rude!
 
Another thing he keeps doing is asking me whether our baby is right- or left-handed. I have explained to him numerous times that at this age children tend to use both hands to explore things and that we wont truly know whether he is a righty or lefty until he is around 2 years old. I did say that he does seem to favour his right hand more at the moment though. This then upset FIL because he is left-handed and for some reason he feels he is superior to the right-handed people of the world! His response to this was ‘Well we will teach him to use both hands then in that case…’. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself shouting at him…. i tried to calm myself down by remembering that he is insane and that he is going to have very little to do with my child in the future. He is definitely not going to be a position to TEACH him anything.
 
I feel very alone with regards to this because as I said earlier my DH doesn’t talk to FIL, so I am left to deal with this on my own. FIL is just so arrogant and seems to think he is better then everyone – i find this amusing as he has actually achieved very little in his life, all he has done has bought pain and drama to his family. He makes my blood boil and I cannot stand to be around him anymore!!! HELP!
 

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5 responses »

  1. That sucks. He sounds kind of creapy. What FIL knows to ask if you massage the baby? Kind of weird. Maybe you should invite MIL over to your house at times when you know FIL can’t come.

    Reply
  2. I feel like you’re ripping a page out of the BOOK OF MY LIFE!! My FIL is a terror! He has not worked in years, and NOT because he’s an alcoholic or a drug addict, but because he just doesn’t want to! ALL of my in laws, actually, have absolutely no shame. They don’t even ask us for money, they demand it and they scream and yell about it.

    They go so far as to do the just horribly unspeakable… they open credit cards in his name and then charge it up when we don’t give money and yep, they rip up the bill when they receive it at THEIR home address so that he can get bad credit like them. I’ve sinced called the credit bureau to stop all inquiries and new accounts.

    I feel for you, girly… I really do. My inlaws are just as much of a nightmare. I’m actually afraid of having children because childcare is so expensive and since they live so close to us (less than 20 minutes away), my DH always says we can drop them off at his parents’ house but I dare NOT! His nephew had SCABIES and the three girls had LICE after being cared for by his parents!

    I’m so miserable when I have to see them, but like you, I love my DH more than anything so I keep quiet about it, even though it burns my very soul…

    Reply
  3. Christine
    my sister has a MIL that sounds the same as yours.
    Whole credit card thing and demanding money.
    i am unable to give any words of support to my sister.
    this angers me and yes they have a child together and yes they have lots of problems regarding her child.
    but my sister also gains so much from her child.

    Reply
  4. Once you have children you become a force of nature that no MIL can withstand. You are the gatekeeper and your role gives you amazing power. Wield it, sister!

    Reply
  5. Holy crap, I hate it when FIL tells me every time he can that, “My son is just like me.” HATE IT! It makes me want to say, “NO you lazy ASS! If your son is just like you, I’d kick him the hell out of my life not marry him.” He doesn’t work cause he has ‘back’ problems. *snorts*

    Reply

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