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Does It Make Me Guilty, Too?

My husband and I have been together for four years.  Two years ago, my husband’s dad offered to take all of our kids on vacation for a week.  We were engaged at the time, and so jumped at the offer – and quickly planned to elope while we had some time away from the kids.

The problems with my FIL started the day of our wedding, when my children (1 of mine + 3 new stepchildren) called us to say their grandpa had left them at the movie theater, and they didn’t know where he was.  They had never been left alone in a theater before (ages 5, 7, 9, and 11).  I’m 1500 miles away and panicking.  New hubby got him in the phone and back there, but this was only a preview of what was to come.

FIL then took the kids to a cabin on a lake, where his “coworker” and her two young sons and infant joined them.  Well…one of the “coworker’s” kids told our kids that FIL was the infant’s dad.  WHA???? 

Sure enough – FIL has been carrying on an affair with one of his coworkers for years – long enough to have made a baby that was at that point 6 months old.

Here’s the problem…FIL is married (and not to his “coworker”).  Step-MIL is recovering from breast cancer, and a deeply, deeply religious woman.  So aside from the fact that my FIL did a crap job of caring for our kids – now we know he’s cheating on his wife, and everyone local tells us it’s none of our business, we shouldn’t say anything to Step-MIL.

I just feel like such a creep, you know?  I know this woman’s life with her husband is a sham, and she doesn’t even know what he’s up to.  Apparently he visits his new son every Sunday when his wife thinks he’s at church (they go to different churches).  When my husband confronted him, he said he was going to tell his wife as soon as her battle with cancer was over.

She’s been in remission for over a year now.  Every time we see them I feel guilty.  How would you handle it?

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2 responses »

  1. It is not fair of him to expect you to keep this secret. This puts you in the position of being the messenger and maybe getting shot for it. I once heard someone give the advice that you should set a firm dtae of when you expect him to break the news to her. If he doesn’t tell her by then, you have to tell her. One way or another she needs to know. It’s not just that he is cheating. He has another child which means he isn’t using protection and could spread a STD to her.
    If you do have to break the news try to do it gently and be ready for her to take it badly.

    Reply
  2. Here’s how I would handle it……… I would tell my DH to take it up with his Dad either his Dad tells his wife he’s been screwing around on her or your DH will not only tell the step-mom the truth but he’ll testify on her behalf if they go to divorce court!

    Reply

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