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Open Letter to MIL

Dear MIL,

I realize you think your son is perfect, god’s gift to humanity, and no woman will be good enough for your angel of a first born son.

Because I love your son, I have put up with your chain smoking and the smell that goes along with it.  Although it does take me a week to get that marvelous scent out of my guest room and all the linens, you do smoke outside and wash your hands before touching the baby.  And you only visit twice a year, so I deal with it.

Perhaps your parents did not teach you that when you are a guest in someone’s home, you are to be polite and respectful.  Mine did.  No matter how much I don’t like someone, I would never presume to tell them “YOUR BEHAVIOUR IS HORRIBLE”.  Especially when I am their guest.

Incidentally, the silent treatment you gave me during your last visit could have prompted me to tell you your behaviour was horrible, but as I was brought up to be a lady and respect my elders, I decided to kill you with kindness and pretend like I didn’t notice you weren’t speaking to me or looking at me.

Your perfect son told me you “don’t know what to make of me”, you don’t like me and are certain I don’t like you.  And that I have been mean to you during all your visits.

Let’s recap:

Visit 1 – Our first meeting. I was sick with the flu by the time you arrived.  Puking my guts out for 3 straight days.  I spent your entire visit either in bed sleeping, or in the bathroom.  I doubt I
had the energy to be mean to you.  I do recall apologizing about 300 times for being sick.  I’m sure you thought I got sick on purpose “just to be mean”, but I can assure you, the flu doesn’t work like that.

Visit #2 – If you count choosing a restaurant for lunch that sucked being mean to you, then I guess I was mean to you.  But you wouldn’t decide between 2 restaurants and neither could your perfect son, so the decision was left to me.  Obviously it is completely my fault that the sun was in our eyes, the service was slow, and the food sucked.

Visit #3 – A surprise day in New York.  Now you didn’t know your darling son would be in town, did you?  You were just thinking you’d be meeting lil’ ol’ pregnant me for lunch and shopping.  So yes, it was very mean of me to fly in your beloved son to surprise you.  Very, very mean. Also very mean of me to treat you to lunch and dinner too.

Visit #4 – My baby shower.  I had tons of family in town (including the step-family of your perfect son) for my celebration.  So forgive me if I couldn’t entertain you every second of every day. Also my mom’s dog was dying and since she had to have an emergency vet appointment DURING MY ENTIRE SHOWER WHICH SHE WAS HOSTING.  Thus, I was a little pre-occupied showing the other hosts where things were and trying to socialize and enjoy my shower all at the same time.

Unfortunately, after your last visit (visit #5), I told your perfect angel of a son that you are no longer welcome in my home.  I will not allow my daughter to witness such juvenile behaviour as “the silent treatment”, nor do I want her to think it’s ok to treat anyone like that.  In our house, that is not the way we solve problems.

If you would like to come visit your granddaughter, there are several hotels within 1 mile of our home, and I’m sure perfect son will be happy to shuttle you around as necessary.

Love, DIL


5 responses »

  1. Oh, good for you! Are you really going to give that to her? That’d be fantastic! But of course only you know what’s best to do in your family situation. Does your DH see your point and support you in this?

    Sorry for all the questions. I wish you all the best in dealing with this woman.

    I swear, after reading this site, I appreicate my MIL more and more every day (even though we have our own issues).

    Good luck! And good for you for not wanting to expose your daughter to this crap!

  2. Love that letter! Hope dh is firmly on your family’s side…meaning you, him and baby.

  3. Please please please give her this letter….. and let me know how it goes. I’m dying to copy this and mail it to mine. I don’t ahve the same stories of the visits – but the behavior came straight from my MIL’s playbook. Priceless!

  4. AMEN!

    after a particularly bad visit, my MIL vowed to never visit us again. unfortunately, that was a lie.

  5. Thanks for all the great comments and support. I won’t be giving her this letter, sorry. I wish! My MIL recently had leg surgery, so I don’t think she will come for a visit for a long time. At least not the rest of this year. So I don’t have to worry about it for a while. I don’t think my DH was on my side. But we did start going to therapy after that last visit, so things have been much better. And also we switched my daughter’s room, so we don’t have a guest bedroom now anyway, so she’d have to stay in a hotel!


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