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Bad Dream Wedding, Nightmare Honeymoon

We decided to get married 5 days before Christmas so that all of our foreign families could fly in and spend the wedding plus the holidays together. I was planning the wedding and my parents, his parents and us paid for it. MIL and FIL wanted something very lavish while my parents wanted something simpler because they don’t have the money. In-laws had been timely in delivering the money they had promised for the wedding until 3 days before when they were still missing 30% of what they had promised. I received a very rude call saying that they felt they should not give any more money than they had given because what they had put in was enough. So in 3 days I had to frantically meet with all the vendors, re-arrange and cut prices, and then find a way to come up with the missing money which my fiance and I and my mother forked over.
SIL graduated from college 3 days before our wedding and my in-laws prepared a lavish celebration and gave her an expensive mac book pro computer.
At our formal wedding his two sisters decided to give us a surprise…. One of them danced a Britney Spears routine wearing extremely skimpy clothes (some guests thought that we had hired a stripper!) and the other made a 30 minute video talking about her and her brother and how sad she was to lose him (no positive mention of the bride whatsoever).
Since my mother had to fork over the money that was missing, our Christmas was very modest. My parents had a lot of financial difficulty during December because they gave us all they had so that we could cover my in-law’s deficit. At Christmas we wanted to spend it with both sides of our families, and both dinners were scheduled at the same time: 9pm. FIL gave my husband a call saying that we were to be there at 10pm sharp or to not bother to even come. My family is very understanding and they gave us a big hug and told us not to worry, so I got to spend less than an hour with my family. Once we got to my in law’s house we found very lavish decorations with rented tables and linens and catered dinner, plus they had two bar attendants for 16 people, their gifts where very lavish for everyone. Pearl and Tiffanny necklaces and Wii’s for the aunts and nephews etc… 
My in-laws had told us 6 months before the wedding that their wedding gift would be a Honeymoon to Hawaii. We wanted to have it after the holidays and they set the date for January 4. Come January 3, they tell us that they couldn’t give us the honeymoon because they ran out of money. But were where very rude about it, saying that we had too much vacation (my husband works with his father) and that we should consider the holiday vacation as our honeymoon and should return to work immediately. So they left us with no honeymoon, no money or time to plan something smaller, and they were very rude about delivering the news blaming everything on us.
I am very scared of them and almost wish I hadn’t married into this selfish, manipulative and classless family. Am I over reacting??


13 responses »

  1. The Sane In-Law

    No you are not overreacting. It’s just unfortunate that you had to find out what his family was like so close to the wedding (not that you wouldn’t love your husband all the same).

    Some may think that you were expecting too much from your in-laws, but they are the ones that offered and then fell short. They suck.

  2. I think you are absolutely, 100% right to be upset and worried about your future with this family. They were the ones that made offers and promises that they could not or would not keep. You may have to sit down and have a very frank discussion with your husband as to their behavior and just exactly how much you want to allow them to be a part of your lives. It sounds like in this family if you given an inch they will abuse a mile. Good luck!

  3. As the previous two comments said, they offered, they seemed to accept the terms and then change their minds. I’d be extremely hurt and angry.

    Also, the dinner? What the hell? I’m glad you family was gracious to give you the peace of mind to go and not worry about them.

    What a family the IL’s are! Good luck with them.

  4. I cannot imagine how much negativity this added to what should have been your special day and week.

    1. How does your husband feel about thier backing out?

    2. Remember that you married him not them and that the only one you should try to please is HIM! (I wish I had learned that prior to 15 years of marriage….the more I tried to please his and my family the more unhappy he was because I would become a shrew about it)

    3. Hug your parents and tell them thanks for showing you that love is not tied to money.

    4. Encourage hubby to find another job – one that isn’t under FIL’s thumb if possible……talk about a negative situation!

  5. Wow, scary indeed! I can’t imagine that on Christmas they would say be there at 10 or don’t come at all. That’s not exactly in the spirit of the season. How awful of them to keep making promises and not following through.

    I would certainly not count on them for anything in the future. They’ve shown themselves to be completely unreliable. If they offer anything else, simply say “Thanks, but it’s important to us to do this for ourselves.” They sound like the kind of people who will get insulted anyway, but better than expecting them to do something and having them refuse to follow through again.

  6. That is so mean. I can’t believe that they treated their own son that way let alone you.

    I live with my FIL. He is a Peach (please see my eye rolling and hear my huff). I just want to thank you all that contribute for letting me see that I am not alone. In some cases I am even better off.

    I am praying that someone comes and spreads fairy dust to make all of them nice.

  7. I think your best bet is to treat them kindly as you would any stranger or acquaintance and not to ever count on them for a single thing. It sounds like they are also the type who will find fault with anything you (and yoru husband) do, so do whatever you like and always on your own terms.

  8. the post is great!!

    very interesting! I will definitely be back here.

    nice job~:)

  9. What OMH said. Particularly number 4. Seriously.

  10. I am so sorry for the agita. What a bunch of crappy things to do…

    The most important thing for you and your (new?) DH to do is make sure you’re on the same side! If you are together on this, you’ll be able to handle it. It will still be stressful and frustrating, but not nearly as much if DH doesn’t see his parents for who they really are.

    Once a man and woman get married, their first priorities should be to each other, not their family of origin. If DH is putting you first, consider yourself blessed. If not… well, anyone have advice on that?

    Hang in there, and realize they won’t change. I like Erin’s (#5) advice, too. You’re not responsible for their happiness. If you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t, then do whatever you feel is best for you and DH.

    Please keep us posted! I wish you all the very best in your new lie together! (And save to go on a Honeymoon when you can).

  11. You’re are definitely not overreacting… in fact, you’ve just described people I would want to never see again.

    The big question is: how did your husband respond to their behavior? I suspect he didn’t say much because he works for his dad… and this is probably going to become a pervasive theme in your marriage. Your inlaws will probably continue to do horrible, sucky things, and unless your husband grows some and/or finds a new job, you’ll have to learn to live with it. Or divorce him.

    Whatever you do, don’t have children until you and your husband have tried to figure out if you can live your lives like this…

  12. You are not overreacting. Let’s look at the big picture here — it is obvious that his family follows the golden rule: the one that has the gold makes the rules. It looks like they used your wedding and Christmas to let you know they will use the most inappropriate of times to let you know that it’s their way or the highway. I don’t want to be a black cloud of doom, but this is a sign of things to come and it WILL GET WORSE unless you stand your ground with the in-laws. I strongly urge you to seek marital counseling. By talking with a disinterested 3rd party, a counselor can help you and your husband find a way together to deal with these situations in the future. Best of luck!

  13. Dude, I have simular story, my BIL (SIL’s Husband) was upset that we didn’t check with them to see if the date we set for our wedding for good for them. So he said he and SIL would not come, but would be glad to drop the kids off at the ceremony while they went on a date. I told him that I was sorry he felt that way, but if they weren’t their the kids couldn’t come either.

    This upset my BIL and In-laws. My BIL demanded that my In-laws fly his family to Disney World or he wouldn;t go to the wedding….AND THEY DID!!!!!

    They flew six butt-holes to Disney 4 weeks before our wedding. When it came time to give us the honeymoon they promised, they reniged. To this day I don’t speak to my in-laws. I drop my wife off at their house and go about my business. It’s actually a good arrangement when you think about it. DISNEY WORLD!!!! r U f-ing serious.


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