I’ve blogged a few times about my less than respectful in-laws, BIL & SIL. (The In-Sanes and The Crazies (Part 2), and in Paybacks). And how my in-laws after so long still refuse to see our blended family as a whole. They continue to favour, spoil and single out my husband’s daughter. She lives a 6 hour drive from us, so when we do have time with her it is family time, and that’s how we come, as 5, not as one. We have re-iterated this to the in-laws so many times I’ve lost count. They not only have grandchildren from us, my BIL has 3 children as well.
MIL keeps trying to weasel her way back over here, but only when my stepdaughter is here. However, FIL loathes me so much, he is punishing our kids for it and hasn’t seen them in almost a year or more. He ignores my husband and is just a miserable person to deal with.
After a lot of therapy for the anxiety all of this has caused, my husband and I have reached the end of the line with this final blow.
My stepdaughter was supposed to come to our house for the summer. She spends 1.5 months here. The last stipulation we left for the in-laws was if they were so intent on seeing their favourite granddaughter “alone” as they want to, we told them to make arrangements to travel up to see her where she lives the other half of the summer themselves. It would not be fair to our other kids to have her go off with them and the others be left behind if they picked her up during her summer stay with us.
The arrived on a Thursday in her town for 5 days. On the following Tuesday they were instructed to drop her off at our house. They managed to get to her mother and have her tell me that my stepdaughter wanted to stay at their house for a “holiday”. When I told her I had made plans for all the kids for that week, she quoted something that my in-laws had said to me, that her daughter is their “blood” and they have a right to her and if my daughter (from my first marriage) wants grandparent time, to call my own parents and get it from them. No mention EVER of our son together (who happens to be their “blood”).
So they managed to back door us into having my stepdaughter for an extra week in their home 20 minutes away from my home. A friend of mine called to say that she saw my stepdaughter in our town just yesterday!!!!
Well, I think the message the in-laws are sending is clear, they only want to see their “blood” granddaughter, who is their obvious favourite. So hubby and I have decided that they can make whatever arrangements they want with her mother to see her on their terms, but it cannot impede on our vacation time with her. And our children (my daughter and our son together) that live in this house year round are off limits. They make no attempt to be grandparents unless they feel obligated to. Our children are not going to be pawns in their game. They can explain to their granddaughter later on in life why they chose her over all the others. This also means that we do not want gifts sent here anymore either. They continually mail gifts (even though they live 20 mins away) and never see or call the other kids. To me it’s a ploy to make them look good.
I know it seems like we are letting them win, and maybe to them we are, but in the grand scheme of things they are losing so much more than they will ever realize. Our children are precious and will not have them tainted by their negative and selfish behaviour.