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Buttinsky

I have had a pretty up and down relationship with MIL since the very beginning. As long as I am doing what she thinks I should be doing we get along fine. 

Our first ever huge argument came about because my back outdoor area wasn’t clean enough, after me telling her that it really had nothing to do with her she told me “You will never be good enough for my son”. That was nearly 8 years ago and it has been a rollercoaster ride ever since. 

So the latest ‘discussion’ came when DH and I decided we would buy a new house. So we found a great place and put in an offer which was accepted. So, full of anticipation we decide to show the in-laws and my Mum. We took two cars as Mum and I wanted to do some shopping after. Anyway all went well and we all headed in different directions, DH and in-laws back to our place and then supposedly home. Mum and I did what we had to and about 4hrs later went home. 

As we pulled into our driveway I see the in-laws car still in the drive. I knew straight away that there was trouble brewing!! 

So once inside it starts.

MIL: “I didn’t like that house and FIL and I have been talking and decided it isn’t right”

ME: ‘Well too bad MIL DH and I HAVE spoken about it and it is our decision to make not yours”

DH: “Mum back off – it has nothing to do with you – Dad and I have been talking and done some figures and we really will have to struggle to pay that place off”

ME: “Well DH I really wish you had decided to discuss this with me in private as it is our business and nobody else’s”

MIL: “He is OUR son and anything that happens in his life is OUR business”

ME: “Well if you feel that way MIL why don’t you all go and buy a house together and leave me the hell alone, now as I own this house and have worked my darn arse off to pay for it I would like you to leave before I say something I may or may not regret”

MIL: “Hmmppff well I suppose it’s time we should go anyway – see you tomorrow night then”

ME: “Probably not”

FIL: “Get in the car you silly old woman”

DH: Silence 

Now I don’t mind that FIL and DH did the figures, it’s that MIL thinks she has the right to decide what DH does in his life – the man is nearly 40 for crying out loud!!! 

So the next night we head to BILs house for FILs birthday dinner. Everything was fine and MIL was civil. So DH decided to bring up that we had decided to go to my sisters place for Christmas. 

DH: “DW (me) and I have been talking about Christmas and DW told me to make the decision on what we would be doing, so I have decided to go to DWs sisters place”

MIL: “Yeah right I bet YOU made that decision, you always do what SHE tells you to do, I can’t handle this I need a smoke”

DH: “We really want to see the nieces and nephews on Christmas morning opening their presents, it so nice spending Christmas with the kids”

MIL: “Well if your wife wasn’t so useless and could give you children you wouldn’t have to go away to have kids at your Christmas would you.” 

Now I am infertile and we have been going through treatment for nearly ten very long years. So I didn’t actually hear this whole conversation just DH say “That’s it you have over stepped the mark this time, DW we are out of here!!” 

So MIL – Whatever – I am over your crap.

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3 responses »

  1. anyone who would make such comments about your infertility is not only a bad mother in law but a petty person in general and should not take up space in your inner circle

    Reply
  2. I am so sorry you had to put up with that. Your MIL is completely out of line. A respectful, civilized person would never dream of saying the things she has. How rude and hurtful! I hope so much that you can just totally minimize contact with her. It’s such a shame it has to be that way, but she has brought all this on herself by her cruel words.

    Anyway, if I were in your place, I would only make appearances around her when you have to – and I would tell my DH not to discuss your business with her much if at all. She’s made it clear she can’t be trusted to be kind and respectful of your decisions, or even civil to you! She doesn’t deserve to hear the lowdown on personal things in your life if she is going to behave that way.

    You do NOT deserve to be talked to that way. I would give her as little info as I had to – the less she shows about you the less she’ll have to make nasty comments about!

    Thinking of you, and sorry I came across so angry, maybe it’s because I can see it objectively and it’s so clear that this woman is in the wrong. Hugs to you and so sorry you’ve had to put up with that.

    Reply
  3. Oh, that is the meanest, most hurtful thing. This makes my stomach physically ill to hear. Only a piece of trash would stoop that low. I have gone through treatments for over 10 yrs and learned my FIL was saying things to my Doc (we have the same Family Doc) of this nature. He doesn’t even try to understand it and in some ways it’s a lack of something within them or a sign of an underlying issue (bi-polar, narcissist personality or they were treated mean and do unto others as was done to them). I have learned to place them on a whole other plane of existence so that when I see them, I try to stay really positive although it’s really grinding sometimes.

    Reply

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