Well, I saw this site and thought I may have seen the second coming of Christ after reading some of these stories, but here’s my quick one, I’ll try to keep it short and simple.
My quick story basically began when my fiancée, now wife, and I found out she was pregnant and my parents decided to completely disown her and in the process, me, also. Fortunately, my soon-to-be MIL was kind enough to let us move in with her for a year until we can get on our feet and support ourselves. So, I packed up everything I had at my parents (almost) and moved 1500 miles away (from Maryland to Texas) and we’ve been here for almost a year, so that time of needing to pay bills and such is coming up, nonetheless.
Things were fine for the first few months, then we got married and had our first child and life began a new chapter for each of us. We are still in the process of making peace with my parents, at least we are on speaking terms and have a relationship, I mean, it’s not perfect but it’s definitely good right now so I cannot complain too much.
It was about 2 or 3 months ago, when my wife told me that my MIL talks crap behind my back that I don’t make enough money and should find a different job (I work as a server in a restaurant). Except according to my wife, she says the MIL didn’t say it to me because she feels that it is “not her place to say that to me,” which I understand, but honestly, I tell everybody, if you have a problem with me, then address it to me because tension culminates and when that happens, it makes a blowup, which is exactly what happened between my wife and my parents about a week after we told them the news. So, more to the point, one job I’ve wanted to go full time at for so long is at The Walt Disney Company in Florida, which I could not do a few years ago because I needed to finish my college degree. Now, I am at the point where I have the money and can move there to do it all, but the MIL of course has an opinion and is like “there’s no career there, that’s for like the elderly and the college kids, not people like you.” It’s very obvious to me that she has no regard for my feelings or what’s in my heart as a career. My job there is what led my wife and I together and we used to talk about moving there and going full time because we say all the time “we owe Disney so much.”
Ever since the MIL has been back in her life, she manipulates, plants seeds in her head that I’m basically a kid or not mature enough, things like everything I want are not enough and not going to work to support her and my son. It’s like, she hasn’t even given me a chance to try let alone even lived that life when both my wife and I have and survived just fine. I know one reason for her attitude on careers and money is solely because she owns her own company and works for like 3 or 4 others all at the same time, so to her, it’s obvious I don’t do what she does and anything I do won’t impress her, unless I’m the heir to like Steve Jobs or Donald Trump.
She just doesn’t understand that Disney is my dream and a big part of my life and asking me to completely throw it away is not going to happen because I have a job for them and it paid well and I got raises and get chances to advance my career and position within the company. Any time I basically bring up the topic whether it’s a vacation there, a career there, or most recently, a Christmas or housing decoration, she jumps all over me saying “you need to grow up and know your place and quit talking back on me.” Basically, her opinion is that it’s too childish a career to have let alone to have it exhibited reflects poorly on me and my wife (the sub-text I just know is “what are people gonna think of me and how I raised my daughter?” anybody can realize that). Every single time, I just try and express my feelings or defend my thoughts and she considers it bitching or back talking and it’s driving me crazy.
I’m sorry to ramble on, but I just fear that this could lead to a demise in my personal and work life, and especially in my marriage. Although my wife and I are fixing to move out after 2012 rings in, I fear this hostility and control thing will not stop. I just don’t know what I’m gonna do, I’m just scared this whole thing could be past the point of no return and the only solution will be either move far, far away or just leave the whole thing altogether.
There’s no getting through to my MIL because she’s so hard headed, doesn’t show emotions, let alone really let people in because of past relationships whether they were serious or not. Her heart’s honestly guarded by fireproof objects like barbed wire and chains.
I just need some help and advice, anything at this point, I’m just close to breaking down and leaving it all behind.