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Category Archives: Mothers In Law (MIL)

Disenchanted Kingdom

Well, unfortunately, here I am again venting my frustrations that I can’t really talk about to anyone close to me since it’s all in the family.

I’ll start on a positive note: things with my parents have gotten better and we are at least on speaking terms with them and see them a couple of times a year either at home or in Disney, so that’s a plus in my book. I do realize my relationship with them will never be the same again, which does break my heart, but you have to pick yourself up and move on, because otherwise there will always be sour grapes and that’s not fair to my little boy.

So, y’all know about my Job Judgment post a few months ago, well, things have unfortunately taken a turn in another direction. At least the MIL has knocked off the crap about Disney as far as I know, but the repercussions have not turned out so well in my favor.

Since they’ve changed some rules for the cast members down there, I think the MIL talks to my wife about money and all that (the seed) is completely full grown in her head and she basically has formed the same opinion on Disney as a career, as well. It all started back in February where I thought I could just give them my papers and give up the job with hopes that I could easily get it back once we moved down there. However, when I ran into a friend I used to work with down there, he was in a situation that was not one I wanted to be in: he had to resign a year ago because he couldn’t put in his hours and instead of getting his entertainment job back, he’s stuck in a department he doesn’t like (Quick Service Food and Beverage). I know other friends who haven’t been able to get re-hired because of the same reason and then I realized, “uh oh, that could be me in however many years and I don’t want it to be.” So, I backed out of resigning there and continued to put in my hours to keep my job because seriously, this is my dream that I don’t want to lose in any way, shape, or form.

This decision, however, completely backfired on me and my wife has reached a completely new level of resentment, hostility, and even sometimes anger towards me because of me not wanting to lose my dream job. It seriously breaks my heart that she would do that and feel that towards me when I know some of this comes from the MIL. Since she was never supportive of my Disney job in the first place, she was probably overjoyed when I was potentially resigning, but then got a kick in the face when I chose not to. My wife cannot get over the fact that I “said I would resign and not work there anymore” and the past few times we’ve gone, she basically says to me how she has to lie to her mom (the MIL) about us going…one time when we went after we moved out of her house, the MIL yelled at her and said we were wasting money and doing things completely wrong and so on and so forth. But honestly, this behavior is just one that completely breaks my heart and I so badly want to say to her “we are our own family, who gives a flying rat’s ass what your mom thinks of us going to disney? This is our family, the 3 of us, we are the chief ones, NOT HER…just forget about her opinion and what she has to say.” Obviously, the one thing I’ve grown good at since the whole fiasco went down a few months ago is biting my tongue, which I continue to do, but it’s gotten really bruised and I really fear it’s all gonna come crashing down like a ton of bricks real soon. I try talking to her about it and all I ever hear from her is “I have to lie to my mom because you basically backed out of what you said” and after that she usually just silences/distances herself from me for the rest of the day/night. I’ve tried so many times to explain myself, but she just won’t hear any of it, it’s all about me “going back on resigning and blah, blah, blah,” I hear her talking about it to the MIL all the time, which really annoys the crap out of me.

I understand the upset that she has because she had to give up her job when she got pregnant, and I get her point of view, but on the other hand, there are 2 sides to everything.  I gave up my chance to go full time down there as well as the life I led in another state for her when we found out about her pregnancy.  I mean, am I maybe being too selfish in the matter? I just don’t know and it’s really breaking me down inside.

I need opinions and advice in the matter, I just fear that this is all gonna come crashing down and I’m gonna just feel even more alone than I already do.

Wedding Basher

I read a lot of stories about the manipulative MIL, the bully MIL, etc. My issue is the Self-Victimizing MIL. She’s done it for years, a real pro.

I recently married my wonderful DH. Throughout the planning of the wedding, MIL constantly crossed lines. She whined constantly about the lack of info (we’d tell her, she’d forget due to meds and just a lackadaisical way of life). She’d email our bridal parties and bitch out whomever ‘wasn’t doing their duty.’ Said I was selfish since I had a lingerie party (thrown FOR me!!). Keeping in mind we: pay her bills, clean her hoarder apartment when it gets unlivable (often), and treat her to haircuts and groceries since she is constantly broke…yet always has perfect gel nails (what your taxes pay for, folks!)

The day OF and before the wedding, she was noticeably bitchy; barely spoke to me, snapped at my mum, just was a miserable wet rag. Oh, she was lovely for the ceremony and speech…but everyone noticed she had something up her @$$!!! Interrupted a special moment with me and DH to berate us for not having a closer smoking area; and believe me, she was PISSED. Um, your son just got married….

My Maid of Honor (also my SIL!!!!) got just incredibly intoxicated (no one minded!) and happened to take a spill at the end of the night. She bled, and if you know my SIL, you do not tell her she isn’t that hurt/sick.etc. Well, MIL does just that, standing over her. SIL flailed her arms in anger, and knocked MIL’s glasses…AND MIL THREW A LARGE VASE OF WATER AT HER OWN DAUGHTER. In the middle of the dancefloor. In front of (luckily) 1/3 of the guests. Well, SIL proceeded to scream and sob like an infant, throwing herself to the ground regularly with her bf trailing behind. My DH comforted MIL (great). I shooshed over to SIL in my big dress and said, “what can I do right now, to make you feel better?” SIL replied, “I’m not riding in a car with her!” So i shoosh back over to MIL and DH and cheerfully, in my best diplomatic voice say, “So SIL & BF are gonna stay at the motel, MIL, we can drop you off on our way to the hotel.”…OMG. Her eyes narrowed into little slits….and she BITCHED. Bitched at the utter injustice of our assumption that she shouldn’t drive (she takes pain pills *cough* and shouldn’t drink at all). Yeah, really made a case for sobriety. The night ended with our guests forcing us into our car to get away from the drama, and my DH yelling for everyone to “STFU” (which, of course, was ‘only directed at her…”)….a great end to what was a perfect day.

Upon getting home the next day, I tell DH he should likely check on MIL. He did (calling her on his honeymoon…bet she loved that!) and she bitched at HIM and US for the incident!!!!!!!!! Said that she felt interrogated over drinking (well, the sober don’t tend to launch vases at their daughters…). Also said she didn’t enjoy her son’s wedding….just a knife to our (especially my) hearts. She followed this up with stupid facebook posts (poor DH has to put up with his close friends poking fun of the awful, sappy, and disturbing pics she CONSTANTLY posts on her wall and others’…y’know, puppy abuse pics and stuff) on my wall, acting like it never happened. She tossed in several passive aggressive comments. I ceased responding.

Finally, we had it out. And she played the victim like none other. Brought up every. Tiny. Thing. Wrong. In. My. Wedding. Most of which was ridiculous; we know it was a great time for all our guests. But she screamed and ranted, cried, said DH loves his dad more now (the hell?!), she didn’t get a minute alone with her son (she did. She was a moron. She was LATE by a minimum of 2 HOURS for the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, and the hotel. We all went to the salon together so she wouldn’t feel left out…OR miss her appointment. Believe me, there’s no chances with her; she’ll be late)). She LIED and said I ‘didn’t let her get her hair the way she wanted’. BULL.I’d never do that. She told me her ex’s family (DH’s grandparents, uncles and aunts, etc) were angry with me, everyone hated the venue, it was a disaster. How she had to WALK with a BROKEN NECK (ohh believe me, bullshit!!!) in the DARK! (after being offered a ride and apparently being sober enough to drive)….AND every time we’d say she was ridiculous to be angry about this stuff, she’d say she WASN’T mad and kept laying into us. Guess what, B****; screaming like a banshee=angry lady. For an HOUR. DH would raise his voice to be heard and she’d scream over him, not giving him a chance, nor me (I got in some good points…she was furious with the friggin LOGIC).

I stood up for myself: I said all I was willing to apologize for was a lack of organization and if she felt unappreciated, but that was it (I had apologized prior to her rant sincerely and calmly) And that we expected an apology for her drama, especially since we KNOW our guests had a blast. She screamed and had a hissy fit, totally uncensored (does she KNOW what I wanted to say and didn’t???). She went right for my jugular and got it! Then she kicked us out….as we are going through the door she starts sobbing and tries to force a $100 into DH’s hand (sobbing how DH has changed…yeah, he isn’t a doormat), which he tries to refuse. I finally say “NO. That isn’t fair,” which he repeated. So we leave, she’s bawling even though she just laid into us FAR MORE than we have to her (keeping in mind all she could say was there is a wedge between her and DH, she didn’t get enough time with him, I don’t understand, the wedding was heinous, and we’re just shameful people). I am angry. Hurt. More than I was before. And I know that this B**** has us all convinced she’s unstable. So we get a coffee. I suggest DH get her one and run up to her apartment, just so we arent leaving so badly (HIGH ROAD! Anyone see me take it?!) and to make it easy I’ll wait in the car. I WAITED OVER AN HOUR. At which point i was texted a gooey, “so sorry lets move on” from MIL as DH re-entered the car. Here’s what I KNOW: when she says sorry, it means “I’ve said all I wanted to! Let’s forget the hateful things I said and move on like it never happened!”. When DH says he was firm, it means “I totally told her I was still mad…while comforting her and giving in completely”.

SO: I am more alone now as the one who won’t get over it. Well, maybe because she opened up a whole other can of worms by telling me how awful my wedding was…zeroed in on my doubts…and I feel so awful. Depression has really struck me here…I know I had a perfect day but her comments really got to me. And no one cares since it’s been ‘dealt with’…dealt with? She got EXACTLY what she wanted.

Let me look up the number for the local taxi company for you.

My FIL has been in the nursing home for the past couple of months. My husband, his son, easily spends two to three hours a night, five to six days out of each week. If she asks, he will pick MIL and take her with him when he goes to visit since she can no longer drive (the in-laws are quite elderly).

MIL gets mad if my husband can’t come pick her up early enough. He does what he can, what with working until 5:00 or 6:00 p.m. every day and having supper with his family and then trying to get a shower in, but sometimes he may not be able to go get her until 8:00 p.m. She’ll bitch about how late it is and it’s close to her bedtime and then saying “but I suppose I’ll go with you…” like he’s forcing her or something.

Then, once he finally gets her to the nursing home, she’ll sit there silently watching the TV for about 20 minutes before asking my husband if he’s ready to take her home.

My husband is not her only child living in the same town. In fact, not only does another sibling live in the same town, she doesn’t have little children at home like we do and doesn’t work a full-time job, so she’s available much earlier in the day, but why she doesn’t ask her to drive her to the nursing home to see her husband, I don’t know. And I can’t forget how she has an adult grandchild also living here who does NOT work who could taxi her around…

I wouldn’t care if my husband drove her every day if she wasn’t such an ungrateful bag.

Take that tee and shove it where the sun don’t shine.

My MIL watches golf (or bowling) all damn day long. My husband (her son) invited the in-laws over for supper tonight and while we were finishing the finishing touches of the meal, we had turned on the Open for them to watch. After the meal, my daughter came to me and asked if she could watch a movie. The kids (her grandchildren, natch) had been so good I obliged by switching on a DVD.

After a couple of minutes of previews, my MIL says, “Are they done with golf?” I replied, “No, I turned on a movie for the kids.” “Oh.”

After a couple more minutes, “Hey, you going to turn the golf game back on?” “No,” I said. I’m letting the kids watch a movie before bed.” “Oh. Okay.”

“Hey, kid. Turn on channel 6 so I can watch my golf.” I responded a little louder, “The kids are watching their movie.” “Oh.”

Listen, bitch. I know you heard me the first two times. We’re not watching your fucking golf. Go home and watch it on your TV.

10 Random Gems

Ten random gems from MIL:

  1. “Your rules are silly, this is what we do at grandma’s instead”… (not anymore, just fyi, no watching our kid now).
  2. “But you get him (*my kid*) way more often than me”!!!!!!
  3. “Please let SIL watch him” (she’s cut off because among other reasons she threatened to take our child and said she could do so at any time and when we knew it’d be too late).
  4. “You can change his sleep schedule you know” (in response to telling her she needed to put him to sleep when she used to watch him, she kept him up to play instead).
  5. She cried because we missed a visit at her house to attend a viewing for a friend’s son.
  6. “Oh (my kid) you’re my favorite!”  (In front of her husband SFIL, whose son just had a child last month.  There are also two other GC).
  7. When we have confronted her in the past, she giggles like what we called her on is “cute”.
  8. Woke up our child at my step-father’s viewing- RIGHT AFTER being told not to- because she “needed comfort”.  He hadn’t slept all day.
  9. I am a SAHM.  No matter what my kiddo learns or knows, he gets it all from DH, or my kid picks it up naturally.  Never mentions me or any contribution I may make to my child’s life.
  10. Wonder if she’ll ever ask how my c-section went or how I was feeling after?  My kid is almost 21 months old… probably not.

When In-Laws Get Terminal

My FILs health has been on the rapid decline over the past few months after he decided giving chemo a try for the multitude of cancers that have recently been discovered. A couple of years ago, a form of cancer was found and at that time he went with the hormone treatment and surgery as his overall health was not conducive to anything like chemo or radiation.

The treatments are kicking his ass, but not the cancers’. His malaise and fatigue are so bad that he’s been hospitalized for fluids building up in his chest cavity due to lack of physical activity. He’s made it to his ninth decade of life, morbidly obese and hasn’t been able to walk from one end of our home to other without being utterly winded, and this was BEFORE the cancer. His own home is a trap, narrow and cramped, preventing him from even manipulating his walker. It’s guts me to watch my husband watch his dad wither.

A few weeks ago when FIL went to the hospital for the first time with the fluid building up, he was taken by ambulance. It was a scary situation and what turned into a possible overnight stay turned into a four-night stay. One of the first things my MIL asked upon hearing he was not coming home that night was, “Well, what about me?!”

He since has gone home under very strict home instructions like elevating the legs when sitting, physical therapy, and diet restrictions. He thinks the therapy is “torture” so he doesn’t go. The diet is being maintained only because the chemo makes him sick. And the MIL complains that when he puts his feet up, it blocks her path.

She sounds selfish, doesn’t she? But he takes the cake. MIL has been on the wagon for a couple of years, but not voluntarily. It was a family-induced prohibition. FIL had set aside HIS alcohol in the basement because she was incapable of managing the stairs, but when his illness became so bad he could no longer manage the stairs, he brought the booze upstairs. Of course, he couldn’t NOT offer his wife a nightcap so he would mix her one knowing full well she’s recovering. He’s defending his actions by saying he’d only give her one. What he didn’t know is that once he fell asleep, and really he’s rarely awake, she was shooting it down, one jigger at a time. Insensitive and ignorant grandchildren were providing it in the form of either birthday or Christmas gifts, knowing grandma’s problem, because my husband had prohibited the home nursing aide from buying it for them.

I know. This isn’t cohesive and probably sounds like I’m being just the bitchy DIL, but there isn’t enough white space here to truly explain this further without providing enough details here to get myself googled and busted. I had to get it off my chest. My poor husband has to witness his parents killing each other and themselves and he feels trapped between the demands of being the respective son and a responsible human being.

In-Law Phobia

Soceraphobia – fear of parents-in-law.

While I’m not scared of mine, much like flying, spiders, bats and anything similar that makes me want to throw up when I experience them, I try to avoid them.

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