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Category Archives: Other Crazies In Law (OCIL)

Let me look up the number for the local taxi company for you.

My FIL has been in the nursing home for the past couple of months. My husband, his son, easily spends two to three hours a night, five to six days out of each week. If she asks, he will pick MIL and take her with him when he goes to visit since she can no longer drive (the in-laws are quite elderly).

MIL gets mad if my husband can’t come pick her up early enough. He does what he can, what with working until 5:00 or 6:00 p.m. every day and having supper with his family and then trying to get a shower in, but sometimes he may not be able to go get her until 8:00 p.m. She’ll bitch about how late it is and it’s close to her bedtime and then saying “but I suppose I’ll go with you…” like he’s forcing her or something.

Then, once he finally gets her to the nursing home, she’ll sit there silently watching the TV for about 20 minutes before asking my husband if he’s ready to take her home.

My husband is not her only child living in the same town. In fact, not only does another sibling live in the same town, she doesn’t have little children at home like we do and doesn’t work a full-time job, so she’s available much earlier in the day, but why she doesn’t ask her to drive her to the nursing home to see her husband, I don’t know. And I can’t forget how she has an adult grandchild also living here who does NOT work who could taxi her around…

I wouldn’t care if my husband drove her every day if she wasn’t such an ungrateful bag.

When In-Laws Get Terminal

My FILs health has been on the rapid decline over the past few months after he decided giving chemo a try for the multitude of cancers that have recently been discovered. A couple of years ago, a form of cancer was found and at that time he went with the hormone treatment and surgery as his overall health was not conducive to anything like chemo or radiation.

The treatments are kicking his ass, but not the cancers’. His malaise and fatigue are so bad that he’s been hospitalized for fluids building up in his chest cavity due to lack of physical activity. He’s made it to his ninth decade of life, morbidly obese and hasn’t been able to walk from one end of our home to other without being utterly winded, and this was BEFORE the cancer. His own home is a trap, narrow and cramped, preventing him from even manipulating his walker. It’s guts me to watch my husband watch his dad wither.

A few weeks ago when FIL went to the hospital for the first time with the fluid building up, he was taken by ambulance. It was a scary situation and what turned into a possible overnight stay turned into a four-night stay. One of the first things my MIL asked upon hearing he was not coming home that night was, “Well, what about me?!”

He since has gone home under very strict home instructions like elevating the legs when sitting, physical therapy, and diet restrictions. He thinks the therapy is “torture” so he doesn’t go. The diet is being maintained only because the chemo makes him sick. And the MIL complains that when he puts his feet up, it blocks her path.

She sounds selfish, doesn’t she? But he takes the cake. MIL has been on the wagon for a couple of years, but not voluntarily. It was a family-induced prohibition. FIL had set aside HIS alcohol in the basement because she was incapable of managing the stairs, but when his illness became so bad he could no longer manage the stairs, he brought the booze upstairs. Of course, he couldn’t NOT offer his wife a nightcap so he would mix her one knowing full well she’s recovering. He’s defending his actions by saying he’d only give her one. What he didn’t know is that once he fell asleep, and really he’s rarely awake, she was shooting it down, one jigger at a time. Insensitive and ignorant grandchildren were providing it in the form of either birthday or Christmas gifts, knowing grandma’s problem, because my husband had prohibited the home nursing aide from buying it for them.

I know. This isn’t cohesive and probably sounds like I’m being just the bitchy DIL, but there isn’t enough white space here to truly explain this further without providing enough details here to get myself googled and busted. I had to get it off my chest. My poor husband has to witness his parents killing each other and themselves and he feels trapped between the demands of being the respective son and a responsible human being.

In-Law Phobia

Soceraphobia – fear of parents-in-law.

While I’m not scared of mine, much like flying, spiders, bats and anything similar that makes me want to throw up when I experience them, I try to avoid them.

In-Laws on Facebook

My relationship with my SIL and her adult children has been strained for years. However, because we are all adults, when the SIL and one of her children requested to be friends with me on Facebook, I accepted. I figured they made the effort so could I.

Several months went by and while we rarely reciprocated with each other, I made sure to filter any of my updates they may find offensive. Again, for the sake of playing nice.

I just noticed that they have both now unfriended me. If it had been one of them, I could have seen it as a possible glitch. Both though has me wondering what the hell I did wrong this time to offend them.

I’m torn between asking them which I would hope cause some embarrassment; to not asking because I want to pretend I don’t even notice or care. It’s not like we interacted with each other. The only thing we have in common is that they are related to my husband. I’m angry, upset and even a bit humiliated since I knew it had to be a joint decision where I was the topic of a back-stabbing. And not knowing why makes my stomach clench.

In-Law Complaint By Proxy

I am going to complain about my family on my husband’s behalf. This complaint involves a SIL, a BIL, and a AIL (aunt).

First off, I have been wanting a break from my aunt for awhile. She is my (dead) dad’s childless older sister. She wants to visit my toddler every Sunday. My husband and I both work long hours and really cherish our weekends. It is kind of pain to have her come over for two hours every Sunday and interrupt our family time. We also don’t want her to take the kid for two hours because we want to spend time with the kid.

Anyway, my aunt got her kid time in on Saturday this weekend because I was having a garage sale, so I told her she could go with my husband to the kid’s swim lesson to help him out. She did and then she spent a considerable amount of time at the house afterwards. I was safe in the driveway, but my poor husband had his free time encroached upon.

My mom normally has family dinner on Sunday but it was canceled this week. I was a little bummed because I had been thinking that would be a good time to visit with my step-brother who is in town. So, my mom ended up inviting just us over. My sister and BIL were taking the aunt to dinner and a movie that night and my step-sister had been over the day before, so we were looking forward to a low-key evening with just my parents and my step-brother.

Since my sister had plans during family dinner time, she wanted to come over to our house earlier in the day to visit with the kid since they wouldn’t have seen her all week. I told my sister that we were pretty busy and I hadn’t firmed up times for a couple things, so I would have to let her know. She let me know that early morning and mid-afternoon would work well with her schedule. I laughed and told her we don’t want morning visitors. She got more specific and said, “Ok, we can come over from 3-4.” I told her I would let her know.

We ended up being busy until 3:50 on Sunday. I called my sister because I said I would, even though I knew she probably wouldn’t be able to do anything about it, and told her that we would be going over to my parents’ house shortly and if she wanted to visit the kid, she could do it there. She couldn’t, of course, because of the movie time.

We had the nice, enjoyable, low-key evening we were expecting at my parents’ house. After dinner, we were hanging out in the family room. The men were watching the Lakers game. My mom was in the kitchen making Amish friendship bread. I was looking through sales fliers and the kid was playing quietly on the floor. Then, my sister, BIL, and aunt showed up and everything went to shit.

There weren’t enough seats in the family room for everyone, so my sister brought in some folding chairs. It was instantly crowded and noisy. My BIL took the kid out in the backyard and got her all riled up and let her get into the pool toys and bring them in the house. My sister and aunt talked through the whole game, pissing off my step-dad and my step-brother (he went out front to make calls on his cell phone to get away). My aunt called my kid “unsociable” because the kid wanted to play with what she wanted to play with and wouldn’t come over to the aunt’s chair whenever the aunt wanted her to. Also, my aunt kept torturing my kid by trying to hold her when she didn’t want to be held, and make her give my aunt hugs and kisses when she didn’t want to, which totally pisses me off because she just keeps insisting long after it is apparent that the kid isn’t going to give in.

So, it was finally coming to an end, they were heading out to a restaurant for dinner. I heard the kid whining in the other room and my aunt saying, “Give me kiss.” I yelled, “Quit torturing her!” A minute later my aunt walked into the family room and said, “Well, that wasn’t any fun.” I assumed she was referring to stopping by uninvited* to visit the kid and the kid not obeying her every command, and I said, “She wasn’t put on this planet to entertain you.” Before I even got my sentence out, my husband said, “She’s not your plaything.” My aunt said, “I never said she was!” got mad and stormed out.

I don’t think she’s ever stormed out on me before or got mad at me like that, so I was a little shocked, but I was still more irritated by the whole visit than anything else, so I wasn’t really sorry about it. Now, I do feel a little guilty, but maybe I can get a break from her for awhile.

*After they left, I found out that my sister had called while my mom was in the kitchen after dinner to ask if we were still there and if they could come over. I told my mom that a little heads up would have been nice. I don’t like being forced to visit with people against my will.

-Irritated with My Husband’s In-Laws

Babies Are Small So It Shouldn’t Matter, Right?

We have been going back and forth with MIL, her sis, and her parents about when they were planning to visit after the baby is born. MIL wanted to come for her birthday which is just two weeks after the baby’s due date. We worked out a compromise where they could come the first week in October as long as they stayed in a hotel. I still wasn’t very happy about that, but it was definitely better than two weeks! So I thought everything was solved and all good. Wrong.

We have heard off and on recently that the grandfather wasn’t going to be able to make the trip out here because of recent health issues so eventually he wanted to fly us to see him instead. We said several times that there would be no way we would be able to go up there this year because DH and I will be out of vacation time and it’s just not feasible with that tiny of a baby so they said that they would be fine with sometime next year. I was still a bit irritated, but what happened this weekend is so much worse!

DH’s grandparents have decided that they want us to fly to see them with the baby when they were planning to come here. They also want to have MIL fly out there too so she can see the baby instead of her flying here. The sis already lives in the same city as the grandparents, so she wouldn’t have to fly anywhere. What DH and I think is really happening is that DH’s mom’s sis doesn’t want to drive the grandparents (because the grandfather won’t fly) down here to see us. So she put a bug in the grandfather’s ear to have us go up there because it would be easier for her.

I will pause here a moment to remind everyone that Baby will be barely a month old at this time and everyone I know wants to fly somewhere with basically a newborn. Another thing to give pause is that we are 99.9% sure that I’m having a c-section. I totally  want to fly a month after having surgery.

DH told his mom absolutely not. No way would we fly to see them with a brand new baby and me right after a c-section. Plus he said that he didn’t think the doctors would let me so soon after the c-section and they wouldn’t let Baby so soon after birth. He also said that he didn’t think the airlines would let us fly with Baby that little. She told us that’s what she thought, but to look into it and see what we could do. Why she couldn’t just say NO and move on is beyond me.

I looked up all the necessary information so we can prove it to them that it’s not possible. Everything I’ve found says no or strongly recommends against it. The airlines don’t like it and don’t recommend it, but they will let you after the baby is a week to two weeks old. I have read several places that air travel is really hard on baby’s ears. We would have to have identification for Baby in the form of the birth certificate which takes some time to arrive. We would have to take so much stuff with us because they aren’t equipped to handle a baby. Most importantly, we would have to take the car seat and probably the stroller. Both are “oversized” and require checking at $100-$150 a piece each way. There would be nowhere for Baby to sleep (MIL’s answer to this was that “they’re so tiny, they sleep anywhere”). It would also totally mess up Baby’s schedule just when we’re trying to get it setup. According to what I’ve read about c-sections, you can’t lift anything heavier than the baby for 4-6 weeks and you shouldn’t do anything too stressful or strenuous (like travel) for that long either. So DH would get stuck carrying most of our stuff because I would have to carry Baby and because of the c-section. We are also going to ask the Dr when we go on Thursday. I know that she will say no too, but this way we have covered all the bases.

It just irritates me to pieces that no one thought this through before pestering us about it. These are all people who have had children so they should know what it’s like. Think for two minutes people and you will realize that taking a one month old on an airplane to a place that’s not equipped for babies is the dumbest idea on the planet. I don’t care that DH’s mom says they’re so tiny at that stage that you can just do anything with them. It’s stupid. They should all realize this. I know that they are not going to accept or like no as an answer no matter how much proof we have. I don’t care. DH and I are standing firm on this and will not back down! What a mess this is going to be and right at a time when we least need this!

Three and a Half is More than a Crowd

My husband’s cousin and her 3-year-old daughter crashed our honeymoon.  His Aunt has a gorgeous house in San Francisco and a stunning lodge in the mountains between Napa and Sonoma Valleys.  We were (and are!) poor newly weds and couldn’t afford to stay in hotels on our trip, but really wanted to go to San Francisco wine country. 

His Aunt was going to be on a European cruise at the and offered up both of her gorgeous homes for us to stay in on our honeymoon.  We couldn’t be more excited.  What I didn’t know was my husband’s Cousin and her daughter lived with the Aunt.  I was told that The Cousin would pick us up from the airport in San Fran, take us to the house and show us the alarms, the car, etc.  She would then go up to the lodge while we enjoyed the city.

Later in the week, we would drive up to the lodge and she would show us around, then head to the city for the rest of the week.  We were very enthusiastic about this arrangement and agreed right  away. Big mistake.

The Cousin and 3-year-old daughter picked us up from the airport like a tornado and proceeded to spend every day of our honeymoon with us! I didn’t know what to do. I had just married this man and didn’t want to start any family battles.  Plus, we are both too nice to say anything.  It wasn’t the 3-year-old’s fault and I didn’t want to be mean or rude.  The only day of freedom we had involved sneaking out of the lodge at 3am to head down to a reserved hot air balloon ride over Napa. We did manage to have a nice relaxed lunch to get a little tipsy touring a few of the wineries.  It wasn’t until we got back to the lodge that night that The Cousin told us she was very disappointed we didn’t wake her and her daughter up to come with us. It was horrible.

In spite of it all, we were able to have a few moments of fun togetherness.  I think the whole experience made us the strong, loving couple we are today.  Also, a few years ago we went to Costa Rica on OUR OWN and had a fabulous second honeymoon.

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