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When In-Laws Get Terminal

My FILs health has been on the rapid decline over the past few months after he decided giving chemo a try for the multitude of cancers that have recently been discovered. A couple of years ago, a form of cancer was found and at that time he went with the hormone treatment and surgery as his overall health was not conducive to anything like chemo or radiation.

The treatments are kicking his ass, but not the cancers’. His malaise and fatigue are so bad that he’s been hospitalized for fluids building up in his chest cavity due to lack of physical activity. He’s made it to his ninth decade of life, morbidly obese and hasn’t been able to walk from one end of our home to other without being utterly winded, and this was BEFORE the cancer. His own home is a trap, narrow and cramped, preventing him from even manipulating his walker. It’s guts me to watch my husband watch his dad wither.

A few weeks ago when FIL went to the hospital for the first time with the fluid building up, he was taken by ambulance. It was a scary situation and what turned into a possible overnight stay turned into a four-night stay. One of the first things my MIL asked upon hearing he was not coming home that night was, “Well, what about me?!”

He since has gone home under very strict home instructions like elevating the legs when sitting, physical therapy, and diet restrictions. He thinks the therapy is “torture” so he doesn’t go. The diet is being maintained only because the chemo makes him sick. And the MIL complains that when he puts his feet up, it blocks her path.

She sounds selfish, doesn’t she? But he takes the cake. MIL has been on the wagon for a couple of years, but not voluntarily. It was a family-induced prohibition. FIL had set aside HIS alcohol in the basement because she was incapable of managing the stairs, but when his illness became so bad he could no longer manage the stairs, he brought the booze upstairs. Of course, he couldn’t NOT offer his wife a nightcap so he would mix her one knowing full well she’s recovering. He’s defending his actions by saying he’d only give her one. What he didn’t know is that once he fell asleep, and really he’s rarely awake, she was shooting it down, one jigger at a time. Insensitive and ignorant grandchildren were providing it in the form of either birthday or Christmas gifts, knowing grandma’s problem, because my husband had prohibited the home nursing aide from buying it for them.

I know. This isn’t cohesive and probably sounds like I’m being just the bitchy DIL, but there isn’t enough white space here to truly explain this further without providing enough details here to get myself googled and busted. I had to get it off my chest. My poor husband has to witness his parents killing each other and themselves and he feels trapped between the demands of being the respective son and a responsible human being.

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In-Law Phobia

Soceraphobia – fear of parents-in-law.

While I’m not scared of mine, much like flying, spiders, bats and anything similar that makes me want to throw up when I experience them, I try to avoid them.

Facebook Drama

I’m a bit hesitatant to submit this. While searching on Google for a website that would make me feel validated, I first came across a Christian family counseling site and a site related to “letting go of your inner brat”. Both suggested being the bigger person and letting it go. I considered, then came across this site and just can’t resist. Yes I’m being a brat and yes I should confess my horrible thoughts and feelings towards my in-laws. And I’m okay with that.

The 5 years of my husband and I dating was amazing. I had a whole new family and it was a great thing. Then we got married. The 6 years since has been non-stop judgment, drama, and just nonsense. I absolutely love him to death and don’t know how he is so normal. His family is just something else. Most recently the issue was with my SIL- my husband’s brother’s wife, who has always, in my humble opinion, been a lowclass trashy beeyotch. We came to a point where we found we could agree on something- complaints about our shared MIL. And suddenly the SIL didn’t seem so bad. Until she started posting shit about us on Facebook. Seriously, out of nowhere. It’s definitely possible that we did something to piss her off, but we really don’t know what it was. When we called to ask about it, she of course denied her post being about us. And she then posted again on FB about people making things about them and then posted very specific things that were without a doubt about our 2-year-old child. Really? You’re going to take the passive aggressive route? On Facebook? So I deleted her. And she threw a fit…”You UNFRIENDED ME?!?!?”. Yes bitch. I did. Facebook is not the be all and end all. It is a website. For being social. And I have no interest in socializing with that piece of garbage anymore than I have to.

It’s been 6 months and I’m no longer angry about the whole thing, but I saw a side of her that I just can’t forget. My mom tells me to “be an adult”. But I can’t bring myself to pretend to have any respect for the SIL. What she said about us isn’t the point- it’s just that she posted things publically for other shared family to see that was obviously about us. The phone calls we got about the posts before we saw them for ourselves asking if we’re okay were humiliating. You just don’t do that.

Job Judgement

Well, I saw this site and thought I may have seen the second coming of Christ after reading some of these stories, but here’s my quick one, I’ll try to keep it short and simple.

My quick story basically began when my fiancée, now wife, and I found out she was pregnant and my parents decided to completely disown her and in the process, me, also. Fortunately, my soon-to-be MIL was kind enough to let us move in with her for a year until we can get on our feet and support ourselves. So, I packed up everything I had at my parents (almost) and moved 1500 miles away (from Maryland to Texas) and we’ve been here for almost a year, so that time of needing to pay bills and such is coming up, nonetheless.
Things were fine for the first few months, then we got married and had our first child and life began a new chapter for each of us. We are still in the process of making peace with my parents, at least we are on speaking terms and have a relationship, I mean, it’s not perfect but it’s definitely good right now so I cannot complain too much.
It was about 2 or 3 months ago, when my wife told me that my MIL talks crap behind my back that I don’t make enough money and should find a different job (I work as a server in a restaurant). Except according to my wife, she says the MIL didn’t say it to me because she feels that it is “not her place to say that to me,” which I understand, but honestly, I tell everybody, if you have a problem with me, then address it to me because tension culminates and when that happens, it makes a blowup, which is exactly what happened between my wife and my parents about a week after we told them the news. So, more to the point, one job I’ve wanted to go full time at for so long is at The Walt Disney Company in Florida, which I could not do a few years ago because I needed to finish my college degree. Now, I am at the point where I have the money and can move there to do it all, but the MIL of course has an opinion and is like “there’s no career there, that’s for like the elderly and the college kids, not people like you.” It’s very obvious to me that she has no regard for my feelings or what’s in my heart as a career. My job there is what led my wife and I together and we used to talk about moving there and going full time because we say all the time “we owe Disney so much.”
Ever since the MIL has been back in her life, she manipulates, plants seeds in her head that I’m basically a kid or not mature enough, things like everything I want are not enough and not going to work to support her and my son. It’s like, she hasn’t even given me a chance to try let alone even lived that life when both my wife and I have and survived just fine. I know one reason for her attitude on careers and money is solely because she owns her own company and works for like 3 or 4 others all at the same time, so to her, it’s obvious I don’t do what she does and anything I do won’t impress her, unless I’m the heir to like Steve Jobs or Donald Trump.
She just doesn’t understand that Disney is my dream and a big part of my life and asking me to completely throw it away is not going to happen because I have a job for them and it paid well and I got raises and get chances to advance my career and position within the company. Any time I basically bring up the topic whether it’s a vacation there, a career there, or most recently, a Christmas or housing decoration, she jumps all over me saying “you need to grow up and know your place and quit talking back on me.” Basically, her opinion is that it’s too childish a career to have let alone to have it exhibited reflects poorly on me and my wife (the sub-text I just know is “what are people gonna think of me and how I raised my daughter?” anybody can realize that). Every single time, I just try and express my feelings or defend my thoughts and she considers it bitching or back talking and it’s driving me crazy.
I’m sorry to ramble on, but I just fear that this could lead to a demise in my personal and work life, and especially in my marriage. Although my wife and I are fixing to move out after 2012 rings in, I fear this hostility and control thing will not stop. I just don’t know what I’m gonna do, I’m just scared this whole thing could be past the point of no return and the only solution will be either move far, far away or just leave the whole thing altogether.
There’s no getting through to my MIL because she’s so hard headed, doesn’t show emotions, let alone really let people in because of past relationships whether they were serious or not. Her heart’s honestly guarded by fireproof objects like barbed wire and chains.
I just need some help and advice, anything at this point, I’m just close to breaking down and leaving it all behind.

In-Laws on Facebook

My relationship with my SIL and her adult children has been strained for years. However, because we are all adults, when the SIL and one of her children requested to be friends with me on Facebook, I accepted. I figured they made the effort so could I.

Several months went by and while we rarely reciprocated with each other, I made sure to filter any of my updates they may find offensive. Again, for the sake of playing nice.

I just noticed that they have both now unfriended me. If it had been one of them, I could have seen it as a possible glitch. Both though has me wondering what the hell I did wrong this time to offend them.

I’m torn between asking them which I would hope cause some embarrassment; to not asking because I want to pretend I don’t even notice or care. It’s not like we interacted with each other. The only thing we have in common is that they are related to my husband. I’m angry, upset and even a bit humiliated since I knew it had to be a joint decision where I was the topic of a back-stabbing. And not knowing why makes my stomach clench.

Driving Me Nuts

My FIL believes that garage door openers need to be hidden in the car, not left out in the open. He says that if thieves can see the opener, they will break into the car, try to get the code for the opener and then break into your house.

This is from the same guy who when he went to church, would leave the keys in the car and shift it to neutral. This was supposed to prevent the ruining of the drivetrain in case “some asshole” ran into his car while he was in the church. Supposedly he has stopped doing this.

After the election of Obama to office, he went out and bought himself an insanely expensive, gas-guzzling SUV because he was convinced that once in office, Obama was going to ban all but electric cars. Two years have passed and that SUV has less than 1,500 miles. Yes, that comma is in the right place and no, no zeros are missing. He can’t drive it. It’s too complicated to run and too hard to get in. Did I mention that my FIL will be 90? He shouldn’t even have a driver’s license because he can’t see!

Now he has to come to grips with the realization that since he can’t drive it, he’ll need to sell it. If someone has the kind of money he wants for that ridiculous vehicle, they sure the hell aren’t going to spend it on a “used” car, and he doesn’t get that.

Lord, give me the strength…

Via a Daughter-in-Law:

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