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My Place or Mine?

My husband’s sister (SIL), his niece (NIL) and the niece’s daughter (NILD) are coming to visit for the first time in over a year. They are staying at his other sister’s, (SIL2) who lives locally. Since I’ve recently become a SAHM and have a daughter the same age as NILD, I was expecting NIL to bring NILD over to our house to play one of the afternoons she is here…just because. I mean all my daughter’s toys are here and it would give NIL and myself a chance to catch up…

I found out that if I want to see NIL or NILD, I “have to go to her house”. I find this rather rude since my daughter is afraid of their dog and I’m allergic. I know I’m being self-centered since NIL and her daughter did travel to our city, but really? Why does SIL2 seem to think that her home has to be the hub of any interaction? I resent it.

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It’s Her Birthday and We’ll Do What I Want

My MIL’s birthday was recently and for family birthdays, the birthday-girl or -boy gets to pick the place to go out to eat. My husband, her son, talked to her on the phone and since she wasn’t sure where she wanted to go, he made  several suggestions based on what she’s liked in the past. She decided on a casual evening at a pizza place.

A couple of hours later, SIL calls and says that MIL would really like asian food instead and asked her brother if he would be OK with that since my husband really does not like the food and neither does my son. He told her such, but said if that’s what MIL wanted then I guess we would make do somehow. But, he asked, I thought she wanted pizza? No, she doesn’t, was the SIL’s response.

Knowing how SIL can be, my husband called MIL to find out why she changed her mind. MIL told him that she didn’t tell her daughter that she wanted asian and she got angry about it. MIL then called SIL and said they were going for pizza. SIL responded, Fine! We’ll just drop off your present and cake and leave because WE don’t want pizza!

She must have thought my husband would never question her because she normally always gets her way. She was totally busted this time. Oh, and she did show up but stayed and ate with the rest of us and acted as if it was in their plans the whole time.

Let me count the ways…

My inlaws, all of them, drive me insane! They are so not a normal family. My husband comes from a family of eight children, I will give you a short synopsis of each one….
 
First there is my MIL. She is a total pushover, and I swear she is brainless. Our daughter will never be equal to my SIL’s children, she has no interest in her what so ever. 
 
The oldest brother is an alcoholic living in a homeless shelter. He wants to live with my husband, my daughter and I. I said no. Absolutely not. Now he bad mouths me and calls me a bitch.
 
The next in line is the only SIL that I like. Thank God for her.
 
Next, my BIL and his wife. They live in filth. They smoke..constantly..in their house, around their children, who have no clothes and do not go to school. Nice, right?
 
Next…My Gay BIL, the only normal one in the family. I love him, dearly.
 
Oh, my favorite SIL (notice the sarcasm) that back-stabbing, two- faced, horrible person. She takes the cake. Lies. Cheats. Steals. Has a royally bad attitude. She is on the verge of wrecking my marriage. It’s funny to me that she calls everyone white trash–she is the queen of it!
 
Next are the twins, they party. Have no responsibility what- so- ever.
 
My husband–he’s not too bright. He doesn’t see any of this behavior. Nor does he do anything productive in our marriage. I WANT OUT!

Family Fun!

I’ve added a new category to help fill the voids (because your in-laws are SO boring!). I’ll include links to posts I happen across that are in-law related. A good way to find new blogs to read AND get confirmation that in-laws have a universal ability to make just about everyone nuts.

Thank you, blaugra at The Peevery.

Don’t Want To Start Off On The Wrong Foot

I am up in the middle of the night stressing about my baby shower.  I am 7 months pregnant.  My husband’s ex co-worker thought it was important for me to have a shower as my close family live in another country and won’t be able to throw one for me.  I thought that was sweet of her, and because I have met her only once, told him I would accept – but would like to keep it very small, inviting only the friends I have made whilst living here for the past 3 years.  Also I thought I could keep it smaller because my sister in-law offered to throw me one – only the in-law family who live in another town not too far away.  That way 2 smaller showers instead of one bigger one would have been better. 

My husband is receiving calls and emails from his family with their emails to forward to his ex co-worker so that they can be included in the guest list.  This is includes the mother in law, sister-in-law, brothers’ girlfriends, cousin, aunt and step-grandmother.  That is quite a few extra people, and I really do not know his ex co-worker very well at all and it would be a bit gaudy to put this budget and organization on her shoulders.

My sister-in-law had also in the past offered us the use of her baby things she is not using anymore, but then sold them.  It looks like she promises one thing, but does another.   

I can’t really say anything to my SIL because I do not know her that well.  Her father paid for her shower at an expensive country club, and I feel if they would like to attend this shower – who someone I really do not know well has been kind enough to offer to host it, I somewhat feel that he too could contribute to the expense, but yet again, it is not for me to say so. Also if they all come, and I am inviting some of my husband’s female friends, it will be 75% his friends and only 25% mine.

I have not seem my own family for years, as I have spent the past few years helping him through graduate school.  His sister and mom I feel often put their feelings ahead of mine. I understand it is her grandchild, and I would not mind having her there, but I would prefer it if they knew their place.  I just feel that they could contribute to the shower, but how do I go about letting them know how I feel?  I would prefer 2 smaller showers, as was first the plan, but they seem to be shifting responsibility and expense on someone I hardly know.   

I need to show how I feel as they will keep on walking over me.  And as my own mother lives on the other side of the world, I will not have the pillar of support like most new mothers have and it makes me a little sad.  I don’t always like going to my mom for advice because I don’t like her to worry if I am feeling stressed.  I miss her so much and I am tired of family in law.  I am going to see my own family in December in my homeland and I am so excited about it.  I just need a break. 

Well, I will try to get back to sleep. I think I just need to rant to someone out there.

Strike (the MIL) While the Iron Is Hot

My in-laws, without asking if my husband and I had other plans or not, booked and paid for flights and a hotel for their son only to join them on a holiday.

The night before their flight, they insisted that he and I come over for dinner and because he had left some clothes there that they think he should bring.

When we arrived I find that he had not left any clothes there at all and MIL began going through his bag to see what he had packed. 

MIL: “Why are you sending my son with his bag packed like this?”

Me: “He packed his own bag, what’s wrong with it?”

MIL: “Look at it, his shirts aren’t ironed”

Me: “They’re T-Shirts, why would you iron a T-Shirt?”

MIL: “I can’t believe you’d send him like this, what if someone I know sees him?”

Me: “I don’t iron T-shirts, he doesn’t ask me to. But if he did I would laugh and tell him to do it himself”

MIL: “I’m surprised you even bothered to WASH his clothes for him, or did he have to do that himself too?”

MIL then emptied out his bag, placed a towel on the table opposite where I was eating my dinner and ironed every single T-shirt in his bag, as well as his pajamas  and re-ironed anything that I had obviously already ironed.
She actually carried on so much that night that I started thinking that most people may actually regularly iron their T-shirts. I asked all of my friends if they had ever met anyone who ironed T-shirts and not one of them had. 

I am so glad I was not asked to join them on that holiday. I am sorry if she is jealous that her son now lives with me, but she does not need to try to make me or him feel that I am not looking after him well enough. 

She also comes in to where he and I work together to drop off hot cooked meals for him to replace the meals that I prepare and pack for him daily. She asks what I made him, and it’s not as boring as plain sandwiches but obviously not a cooked meal because I work and don’t have time for that, and says “oh, good thing I brought this”- that’s just rude. And you know what?Ffrom those meals you can tell why her husband and other kids are so obese!

(In laws are crazy!! I am so glad I have found your site, to know that I am not the only one dealing with the crazy all the time. It’s not something you can talk about with most people!)

A DIL’s Work Is Never Done

When my future MIL had to go overseas for work she asked if I would mind HELPING FIL with the two younger children whilst she was away. I knew she was worried about her kids, so I agreed that my fiancé and I could come and stay for the 3 nights while she was away. FIL took this to mean that while she was gone I was his slave. He went out each night until morning and did not help me look after his children AT ALL. I was expected to drive them around, cook, clean inside and outside of his house – this included sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, dusting, wiping and washing clothes daily. I was never asked to do anything I was TOLD to do EVERYTHING.

Because he lives like an absolute slob leaving anything he touches anywhere he wants and because I am not used to looking after children myself I got a little behind with everything. When he got home there were dirty dishes on the sink that I was planning to get to once hanging some washing. FIL saw dirty dishes and, instead of asking if I needed some help, told me that there were dirty dishes in the sink. I told him I would get to them. He then actually had the nerve to ask me if I was actually a female (no, I look nothing like a male), because a REAL woman will never let anything be dirty. 

The whole time that she was gone, he insulted me, tried to shame me, ordered me around, complained that I didn’t do things good enough and told me I was not a woman. When his son was around though, he acted extremely grateful for my help.

One night my man was working, FIL invited all of his friends over to drink, which his wife does not allow. They were there until early morning, being loud and keeping the young boys up until early morning on a school night. Atop of this he continued to treat me the way that he did whilst my partner was not around in front of his friends and encouraged them to ask me if they needed anything. All night I was expected to fetch drinks, ice, snacks, MEALS. urgh 

I will never subject myself to that again. I am very glad my partner has no sisters, because I see how females are treated in that family. When we have children, he will be thoroughly outlined the way that I believe PEOPLE should be treated, and if he sees differently, will not have any contact with them.

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