Don’t Want To Start Off On The Wrong Foot

I am up in the middle of the night stressing about my baby shower.  I am 7 months pregnant.  My husband’s ex co-worker thought it was important for me to have a shower as my close family live in another country and won’t be able to throw one for me.  I thought that was sweet of her, and because I have met her only once, told him I would accept – but would like to keep it very small, inviting only the friends I have made whilst living here for the past 3 years.  Also I thought I could keep it smaller because my sister in-law offered to throw me one – only the in-law family who live in another town not too far away.  That way 2 smaller showers instead of one bigger one would have been better. 

My husband is receiving calls and emails from his family with their emails to forward to his ex co-worker so that they can be included in the guest list.  This is includes the mother in law, sister-in-law, brothers’ girlfriends, cousin, aunt and step-grandmother.  That is quite a few extra people, and I really do not know his ex co-worker very well at all and it would be a bit gaudy to put this budget and organization on her shoulders.

My sister-in-law had also in the past offered us the use of her baby things she is not using anymore, but then sold them.  It looks like she promises one thing, but does another.   

I can’t really say anything to my SIL because I do not know her that well.  Her father paid for her shower at an expensive country club, and I feel if they would like to attend this shower – who someone I really do not know well has been kind enough to offer to host it, I somewhat feel that he too could contribute to the expense, but yet again, it is not for me to say so. Also if they all come, and I am inviting some of my husband’s female friends, it will be 75% his friends and only 25% mine.

I have not seem my own family for years, as I have spent the past few years helping him through graduate school.  His sister and mom I feel often put their feelings ahead of mine. I understand it is her grandchild, and I would not mind having her there, but I would prefer it if they knew their place.  I just feel that they could contribute to the shower, but how do I go about letting them know how I feel?  I would prefer 2 smaller showers, as was first the plan, but they seem to be shifting responsibility and expense on someone I hardly know.   

I need to show how I feel as they will keep on walking over me.  And as my own mother lives on the other side of the world, I will not have the pillar of support like most new mothers have and it makes me a little sad.  I don’t always like going to my mom for advice because I don’t like her to worry if I am feeling stressed.  I miss her so much and I am tired of family in law.  I am going to see my own family in December in my homeland and I am so excited about it.  I just need a break. 

Well, I will try to get back to sleep. I think I just need to rant to someone out there.