Ironic or Moronic

My FIL has been reaping the rewards of Medicare benefits for the past twenty-five years, ever since he turned 65. He sports a boner for radio celebrities like Beck and Limbaugh, and constantly is quoting the sound bites of those two morons of the things they say in jest, but my FIL thinks they mean it, for example, Rush may say, “Next thing you know, they won’t make any more gas-powered cars.” This leads to ridiculous conversations with his son (my husband): “You better get yourself a new car soon because that ‘Hussein Obama’ is going to ban car companies from making anything but electric cars.”

What does that have to do with the fact he’s got Medicare?

My FIL is currently under hospice care, but his lifetime benefits for hospice care through Medicare has been exhausted so they are now paying out-of-pocket for his continued care. He actually said the reason Medicare won’t pay anymore is because of “Obama Care”…you know, because all those sorry uninsured bastards are stealing his socialized healthcare monies.

How could he not see the irony in that?

Comedy Gold

My SIL uses FIL (her dad) truck all the time to haul her friends, family, stuff, etc. around all the time. Hey, and if he doesn’t have a problem with it, I guess neither should I, right?

One of my BILs, the SIL’s brother, is visiting from out-of-state, and it never fails that when one of the children visit, they think they are doing favors for their parents and invariably screw something up, like “update” the computer with a virus-infected program, or change the password and forget to write it down; or drag their chronically ill father to a specialist nine hours away (driving time) and return with him sick from sitting in a car that long without moving… yeah, totally awesome.

And then these two paths crossed: SIL wants to use the truck for godknowswhat this weekend, but the battery is dead. BIL says he’ll put in a new one. BIL buys a new car battery and installs it. BACKWARDS. Luckily, the vehicle has one of those switches in case some ding-dong does that and prevents it from blowing up the motor. However, now that fuse has to be replaced. That means it has to be ordered.  Uh-oh. Someone doesn’t have a truck to drive…

FIL is pissed. SIL is pissed. BIL is pissed. Me? I’m just sitting in my seat, throwing back popcorn and grinning like a loon.

When In-Laws Get Terminal

My FILs health has been on the rapid decline over the past few months after he decided giving chemo a try for the multitude of cancers that have recently been discovered. A couple of years ago, a form of cancer was found and at that time he went with the hormone treatment and surgery as his overall health was not conducive to anything like chemo or radiation.

The treatments are kicking his ass, but not the cancers’. His malaise and fatigue are so bad that he’s been hospitalized for fluids building up in his chest cavity due to lack of physical activity. He’s made it to his ninth decade of life, morbidly obese and hasn’t been able to walk from one end of our home to other without being utterly winded, and this was BEFORE the cancer. His own home is a trap, narrow and cramped, preventing him from even manipulating his walker. It’s guts me to watch my husband watch his dad wither.

A few weeks ago when FIL went to the hospital for the first time with the fluid building up, he was taken by ambulance. It was a scary situation and what turned into a possible overnight stay turned into a four-night stay. One of the first things my MIL asked upon hearing he was not coming home that night was, “Well, what about me?!”

He since has gone home under very strict home instructions like elevating the legs when sitting, physical therapy, and diet restrictions. He thinks the therapy is “torture” so he doesn’t go. The diet is being maintained only because the chemo makes him sick. And the MIL complains that when he puts his feet up, it blocks her path.

She sounds selfish, doesn’t she? But he takes the cake. MIL has been on the wagon for a couple of years, but not voluntarily. It was a family-induced prohibition. FIL had set aside HIS alcohol in the basement because she was incapable of managing the stairs, but when his illness became so bad he could no longer manage the stairs, he brought the booze upstairs. Of course, he couldn’t NOT offer his wife a nightcap so he would mix her one knowing full well she’s recovering. He’s defending his actions by saying he’d only give her one. What he didn’t know is that once he fell asleep, and really he’s rarely awake, she was shooting it down, one jigger at a time. Insensitive and ignorant grandchildren were providing it in the form of either birthday or Christmas gifts, knowing grandma’s problem, because my husband had prohibited the home nursing aide from buying it for them.

I know. This isn’t cohesive and probably sounds like I’m being just the bitchy DIL, but there isn’t enough white space here to truly explain this further without providing enough details here to get myself googled and busted. I had to get it off my chest. My poor husband has to witness his parents killing each other and themselves and he feels trapped between the demands of being the respective son and a responsible human being.

In-Law Phobia

Soceraphobia – fear of parents-in-law.

While I’m not scared of mine, much like flying, spiders, bats and anything similar that makes me want to throw up when I experience them, I try to avoid them.

Driving Me Nuts

My FIL believes that garage door openers need to be hidden in the car, not left out in the open. He says that if thieves can see the opener, they will break into the car, try to get the code for the opener and then break into your house.

This is from the same guy who when he went to church, would leave the keys in the car and shift it to neutral. This was supposed to prevent the ruining of the drivetrain in case “some asshole” ran into his car while he was in the church. Supposedly he has stopped doing this.

After the election of Obama to office, he went out and bought himself an insanely expensive, gas-guzzling SUV because he was convinced that once in office, Obama was going to ban all but electric cars. Two years have passed and that SUV has less than 1,500 miles. Yes, that comma is in the right place and no, no zeros are missing. He can’t drive it. It’s too complicated to run and too hard to get in. Did I mention that my FIL will be 90? He shouldn’t even have a driver’s license because he can’t see!

Now he has to come to grips with the realization that since he can’t drive it, he’ll need to sell it. If someone has the kind of money he wants for that ridiculous vehicle, they sure the hell aren’t going to spend it on a “used” car, and he doesn’t get that.

A DIL’s Work Is Never Done

When my future MIL had to go overseas for work she asked if I would mind HELPING FIL with the two younger children whilst she was away. I knew she was worried about her kids, so I agreed that my fiancé and I could come and stay for the 3 nights while she was away. FIL took this to mean that while she was gone I was his slave. He went out each night until morning and did not help me look after his children AT ALL. I was expected to drive them around, cook, clean inside and outside of his house – this included sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, dusting, wiping and washing clothes daily. I was never asked to do anything I was TOLD to do EVERYTHING.

Because he lives like an absolute slob leaving anything he touches anywhere he wants and because I am not used to looking after children myself I got a little behind with everything. When he got home there were dirty dishes on the sink that I was planning to get to once hanging some washing. FIL saw dirty dishes and, instead of asking if I needed some help, told me that there were dirty dishes in the sink. I told him I would get to them. He then actually had the nerve to ask me if I was actually a female (no, I look nothing like a male), because a REAL woman will never let anything be dirty. 

The whole time that she was gone, he insulted me, tried to shame me, ordered me around, complained that I didn’t do things good enough and told me I was not a woman. When his son was around though, he acted extremely grateful for my help.

One night my man was working, FIL invited all of his friends over to drink, which his wife does not allow. They were there until early morning, being loud and keeping the young boys up until early morning on a school night. Atop of this he continued to treat me the way that he did whilst my partner was not around in front of his friends and encouraged them to ask me if they needed anything. All night I was expected to fetch drinks, ice, snacks, MEALS. urgh 

I will never subject myself to that again. I am very glad my partner has no sisters, because I see how females are treated in that family. When we have children, he will be thoroughly outlined the way that I believe PEOPLE should be treated, and if he sees differently, will not have any contact with them.

Shit My FIL Says II

My FIL said, “So, I wonder when Hussein Obama’s going to come take away all my guns! I’d rather melt them all down rather than let that sonufabitch have ’em!”

Our response: “If you’re so worried about that happening, sell them and get your money’s worth and call it done.”

What I wanted to say: “Wow, you sure are full of yourself, aren’t you? Do you seriously think President Obama has interest in your collection from the Civil War, WW1 and WW2? Luckily, at 90, crippled and extremely obese, you’ll easily fly under their radar when they’re out looking for terroristic arms dealers, mmkay?

Shit My FIL Says

From my conservative Republican FIL:

Time for Obama to blow up that pipe again. It’s not leaking anymore.

Asshole.

Apron Strings

My Fiancé and I will be getting married in August 2010. I have been with him for over four years and we have been attached at the hips ever since day one. When we began to go out in high school his parents were still married. His father is an alcoholic and his mother was threatening for 3 years to divorce him before a physical altercation involved the police and she finally filed for divorce.

I have never gotten along with his father. The man is very stubborn and opinionated. I have been raised to speak up for myself and to think for myself and future FIL doesn’t care about anyone’s opinion but his own. He makes it clear that I annoy him with my opinions so I try not to engage him in conversation anymore. He then tells my future SIL, an 18 year old with a thing for gossip and letting cats out of bags, that he doesn’t think I like him. It’s difficult to like and enjoy the company of a person who cuts conversations off when you try to join them.

I would not care as much but he treats my fiancé like a child. He will only call his son if he wants him to do some sort of chore for him. It is not uncommon to cut our evenings short because his father has decided to move a piece of furniture yet again. It has been this way his entire life, when we were 16 my fiancé had most of the chores his father should have done because he was too drunk/passed out to contribute.

This brings me to my future MIL. My fiancé has been doing everything for her most of his youth and early adult life that she comes to expect him to change or cancel his plans if they conflict with something she wants him to do. Our last anniversary (yes I know it’s not a wedding anniversary but we still feel they are special) she told my fiance she had planned a night out and he had to be there to give his sister her medicine, first at 6pm and then at 830. So there was no way for us to continue with our plans. She is trying to keep the umbilical cord tightly attached and gets upset the more time he spends with my and his family. Just this weekend for thanksgiving (Canadian) she refused to sit at the ‘adult table’ and instead sat at the cousin table with us because she ‘never gets to see my son’ anymore. The next day we were at her ex’s family for another thanksgiving and she did the same thing.

When we first got engaged she was gave her ‘blessing’ only on the condition that it would be a long engagement. Initially we agreed that we should have a long engagement because he was still going to school. We decided we could work around this issue and want to get married as soon as possible so now we are in the wedding planning stages and my future MIL is upset because we have decided to push the wedding date up and move into my parent’s house until we have more money for a down payment and my fiancé can finish school. She has lamented that she is not ready for my fiancé to move out.

Her opinions surrounding the wedding are to spend as little money as possible, go cheap cheap cheap. Now I am the last person to say screw the budget, I am a very frugal person. But I want to have the best wedding I can afford and make the day special. She seems to think that anything we plan is over the top. I am Italian but it is over the top to add the traditional antipasto to the meal. If I served cheese and cracker out of the local elementary school gym wearing my best skirt I would make her happy. But it wouldn’t make me happy.

Also, and I am really just venting now, she has mentioned on numerous occasions her expectation to retire and move in with myself and my fiancé. Now I have been to her family functions, as I mentioned before, and I have seen how she acts in her sister’s and SIL’s kitchens, her quickness to criticize assures me I would never want to share a kitchen let alone a house with that woman. (p.s. I think its rich for someone with such bland cooking to say anything about how other people make their dishes). My fiancé always makes it into a joke and moves on to another topic, but she has said on more than one occasion how she was going to live with us, and be a built in babysitter.

My final issue has to do with my future SIL. She isn’t the problem, but she creates the problem. She has a form of autism that manifests itself as a severe social disorder and is very difficult to get along with. I do not agree with the family’s plans for her. MIL wants to put SIL into a home and then move in with us. I come from a very close family and my nephew has autism and I could never imagine abandoning family like this. MIL says repeatedly that she doesn’t want to take care of her disturbed daughter for the rest of her life. Needless to say this as not helped my trepidation when it comes to her.

Anyways I didn’t mean to go on for so long, I am not even married into the family yet!

Second Fiddle

My husband’s “Dad” (I hesitate to use that word to describe this man) started out as his step-dad but then adopted my husband when he was eight years old. My husband’s birth father left his mother when he was just a baby so his adopted Dad is the only father he’s ever had. Shortly after we were married, my in-laws went through a bitter divorce with my FIL being a total jackass to my MIL.

After that, we heard from my FIL a lot. It was all about how to have a good marriage and bullshit like that. (Sure, I’ll take the advice of a man with two bitter divorces in his past, working on his third wife.) He even sent us one those stupid Mars and Venus books. Once that died down, he kept in touch a normal amount. We flew out to the East Coast for his wedding. After that, as he becamed wrapped up in his wife’s family (they live out there) and we heard from him less and less. I figured it was the same situation with my husband’s two brothers (FIL’s two sons from his first marriage) but we would hear things from them that led me to believe FIL was in communication with them much more with them than he was with my husband. Then my husband tried something.

My husband didn’t email my FIL to see how long it would take FIL to contact him. It took a year. We got a card and some presents for Christmas. The last straw for me, the one that made me write off my FIL completely as a decent human being, came when he was flying to New Zealand to visit one of his sons. He was spending two weeks in New Zealand for a visit. He had a three-hour layover at an airport near us so he asked my husband to meet him for lunch. One hour for my husband, two weeks on the other side of the world for his “real” son. My husband was pissed and hurt and didn’t meet the man for lunch, and really didn’t talk to him after that. That was a couple years ago. We’ve only exchanged Christmas cards since then, until recently.

The first time my husband hears from the man in years and it is an ultra-liberal email about healthcare reform. When it comes to issues like that, we run pretty conservative and my husband likes to argue, so they have exchanged some emails on the subject. Now, my FIL is spamming him with email forwards and links.

A couple days ago, my husband emailed my FIL asking him not to send those emails anymore, that he would much prefer to hear how FIL and his wife are doing and what is going on with everyone. FIL replied saying sorry but he wasn’t going to stop because he thinks it is more important that my husband be educated about important issues and that if my husband didn’t like it, there is always the spam folder.

I suggested my husband either not respond at all or respond with exactly the type of email he’d like to receive from FIL, filled with news about us. If it were me, however, I’d tell FIL to fuck off and never bother with him again. MIL is great and married to a great man who acts like a real father to my husband (New FIL has known my husband almost his whole life). My daughter calls New FIL Papa and has never even seen my husband’s “Dad” and never will if I can help it. In fact, I wish we didn’t have that man’s last name since it is clearly meaningless to him that we do.

The Crazies – Part 3 (and Hopefully the Finale)

I’ve blogged a few times about my less than respectful in-laws, BIL & SIL. (The In-Sanes and The Crazies (Part 2), and in Paybacks). And how my in-laws after so long still refuse to see our blended family as a whole. They continue to favour, spoil and single out my husband’s daughter. She lives a 6 hour drive from us, so when we do have time with her it is family time, and that’s how we come, as 5, not as one. We have re-iterated this to the in-laws so many times I’ve lost count. They not only have grandchildren from us, my BIL has 3 children as well.

MIL keeps trying to weasel her way back over here, but only when my stepdaughter is here. However, FIL loathes me so much, he is punishing our kids for it and hasn’t seen them in almost a year or more. He ignores my husband and is just a miserable person to deal with.

After a lot of therapy for the anxiety all of this has caused, my husband and I have reached the end of the line with this final blow.

My stepdaughter was supposed to come to our house for the summer. She spends 1.5 months here. The last stipulation we left for the in-laws was if they were so intent on seeing their favourite granddaughter “alone” as they want to, we told them to make arrangements to travel up to see her where she lives the other half of the summer themselves. It would not be fair to our other kids to have her go off with them and the others be left behind if they picked her up during her summer stay with us.

The arrived on a Thursday in her town for 5 days. On the following Tuesday they were instructed to drop her off at our house. They managed to get to her mother and have her tell me that my stepdaughter wanted to stay at their house for a “holiday”. When I told her I had made plans for all the kids for that week, she quoted something that my in-laws had said to me, that her daughter is their “blood” and they have a right to her and if my daughter (from my first marriage) wants grandparent time, to call my own parents and get it from them. No mention EVER of our son together (who happens to be their “blood”).

So they managed to back door us into having my stepdaughter for an extra week in their home 20 minutes away from my home. A friend of mine called to say that she saw my stepdaughter in our town just yesterday!!!!

Well, I think the message the in-laws are sending is clear, they only want to see their “blood” granddaughter, who is their obvious favourite. So hubby and I have decided that they can make whatever arrangements they want with her mother to see her on their terms, but it cannot impede on our vacation time with her. And our children (my daughter and our son together) that live in this house year round are off limits. They make no attempt to be grandparents unless they feel obligated to. Our children are not going to be pawns in their game. They can explain to their granddaughter later on in life why they chose her over all the others. This also means that we do not want gifts sent here anymore either. They continually mail gifts (even though they live 20 mins away) and never see or call the other kids. To me it’s a ploy to make them look good.

I know it seems like we are letting them win, and maybe to them we are, but in the grand scheme of things they are losing so much more than they will ever realize. Our children are precious and will not have them tainted by their negative and selfish behaviour.

My In-Laws Are the Spawn of Satan: Chapter 1

My wife and I have been married 2 1/2 years and have a beautiful 2 month old baby and her parents and brother have done nothing but cause chaos, try to destroy our marriage, keep my wife crying by the things they say to her. I am convinced that they are 100% pure evil. The are the most self centered, crazy, disgusting people I have ever witnessed. They are the definition of a inner-meshed family.

The father is a 70 year old, washed up, real estate agent who has no spine and lets his sick, pathetic, control freak of a wife control. The MIL is BEYOND EVIL. She sits and smokes in bed with her husband who has heart surgery. She stays up for days making up insane scenarios in her head. She doesn’t eat and she has not seen a doctor in 5+ years. She is the most hateful person. She has a son from her 1st marriage who is a complete loser. You’re talking about a guy who is 41, has 2 kid,s a non working wife, 2 cars and has no job. He lives a lap of luxury life off the mother. They constantly buy him $5000 watches $7000 camera’s vacations, clothes, food, mortgage and car payments, but my wife asks for a loan of a few hundred bucks and Satan has risen from her grave.

The evil in laws liked me up until the day we got engaged and at that point everything changed. I guess you can say their true colors came out.

As with alot of people, my wife and I have had a rough couple of years financially to say the least. Her parents have helped us out, but it never comes from a place of giving to help their children. It comes with, pain, suffering, and strings attached. I have succumbed to the point of I’d rather be homeless then receive their help. They think I am trying to scam them for money, so I can live for free, but what they don’t understand is before I met them I was living just fine.

My wife’s wacko family is convinced that I am trying to steal their daughter and I have her under “my spell”. Her family has referred to her as a heroin addict and I am the heroin. They refer to me – their wife’s husband – as a “cancer”, “virus”, ” fat f**k” (I am overweight I can admit), “loser”, “scum bag”, and at one point her father has called me a “mother f*****g lying crook thief”. THIS COMES FROM A 70 YEAR OLD MAN!!!

These people do everything in their power to make out marriage and love for each other so filled with negative disgusting sludge, I am at a loss for words These people are full of pure hatred and evil, I do not claim that I am Mr-never-do-anything-wrong. I am guilty of making some band decisions, and I have apologized for them.

These sick people make things up and demand apologies. They say the most despicable things not only to their daughter’s husband but to their own daughter. I am so disturbed by these people I went through my wedding pictures on my computer and removed them from the pictures. The mere sight, sound, thought gives me the chills and creeps.

I am sure everyone has run into someone before where you just feel pure evil seeping from them and that is what I feel on a daily basis with them. I believe that my wife deep down knows how horrible they are but holds on to the hope that they will change. Where these people come from and the hatred they carry is not reversible in my opinion, but yet I am respectful when I am forced to see them and I am the fool who gives in. I have been trying to set a barrier around myself so they cannot continue to effect me in the negative way they have.

If you continue to read below [editor’s note: next several chapters], I am going to include some emails they have been written to my wife between each other and to me. I know people have crappy in laws, but I want to show that when it comes to evil, disgusting, pathetic in laws and their immediate family, I win and it’s not a “good win”.

Oh, why do I dislike them? Let me tell the ways.

I have been married to my DH for almost 10 years now.  I have disliked his family from the moment we returned from our honeymoon.  We decided to elope and have a reception later, as we were a bit older than the usual crowd that marries in their early 20’s.  My DH was 26 and I was 28.  His MIL decided that she wanted input on the reception we were throwing.  We were paying for the event ourselves and did not ask for any money from my DH’s parents.

She was so upset that he was following the list I had given him to use at the store (we had worked out what we wanted the night before in the way of food and decorations) that she actually left him at the store.  She stormed off and drove away because he wasn’t “taking her advice” and he was being an “idiot.” 

He called me and told me what was going on and I was really surprised because she seemed like such a nice person.  I couldn’t have been more wrong.  She dominated the party and at that moment I realized she would never approve of me as a wife, and she would never treat him like an adult.

This situation worsened over the years.  My MIL tried to take over my kitchen and teach me how her “boys” liked their fruit cut and their stew made.  I never cooked for them again at my house.  We always go out to eat now. 

And when my child was born, she started trying to tell me how to be a parent.  That is when I put my foot down and told her to just leave me alone. 

But the worse offenses actually come from my FIL.  He throws tantrums and refuses to speak to us for days.  He hangs up the phone if the conversation isn’t going the way he planned and he is extremely selfish and spoiled. 

My FIL came down a few weeks ago and absolutely devastated my DH.  He visited for a few minutes and then left after promising to hang out for a few days more.    Realize, we live several states away so it wasn’t like my DH could just hop in a car and go see him.  My FIL didn’t even give a reason as to why he left so suddenly and when we asked that he give us a call that night, we heard nothing.  We assume he made it okay because we haven’t been called about a funeral, but he still hasn’t called us.

Oh, that is another thing… they don’t call us and tell us when people die or when wedding are occurring, because “You just live too far away.”  That is our punishment for moving out of state.  They are extremely vindictive.

I have decided that I am no longer going to send them photos of our child via email or call or keep in contact with them at all.  You cannot reward bad behavior.  It is all going to fall on my DH’s shoulder.  We will visit for Christmas and Easter.  Beyond that, I don’t think we will have further contact.

They have completely pushed me to my breaking point.  I have never dealt with such selfish or mean people in my life.

Topic of Concern (*air quotes*)

I need to vent!

I’ve been married to my DH for almost 15 years.  We have 2 great (I mean GREAT) kids – boy 11 and girl 7.  I stay at home and enjoy teaching my kids to become kind, upstanding, resourceful, respectable, independent future adults. 

My MIL, FIL, and 2 SILs and their 2 husbands seem like upstanding, loving, concerned people on the surface.  I think it’s a show.  They talk about each other behind each other’s backs under the guise that they’re “concerned” about whomever is the topic of the moment. 

I’m often told how I’m equal to the other children in the family and my opinions matter but when I give my 2 cents, unless it’s what they want to hear, I’m punished for it and so is DH.

Years ago, one SIL (age 22) was contemplating adopting a 6 year old child currently in foster care and with many emotional issues.  MIL and FIL made this a topic of choice whenever SIL wasn’t around – much concern, too young, not experienced with how to help an emotionally scarred child, etc… much wringing of hands as to what to do.  They seemed genuinely distressed and worried for her. 

I have experience with adoption of an emotionally scarred 6 year old child (my own younger brother).  I grew up watching my two very well educated, financially sound, well meaning, experienced parents try to help my brother grow up as well adjusted as possible given that his first 6 years of life were hell.  It was a very large strain on their marriage and our life as a family.  I thought this information might be helpful to SIL, especially since she would be a single mom, young and fresh out of college with very little real life experience or a bank account (for therapy) to draw on.  I relayed some of the trying moments and years my parents faced with my brother.  I thought my sharing my experience would be appreciated by FIL and MIL, if no-one else.  Dumb move on my part.  She didn’t want to hear it.  It “upset her” that I would talk to her like that.  She stopped speaking to me and ranted at MIL, FIL and DH about how “hurt” she felt.  MIL, FIL, and SIL2 declared me “insensitive.”  DH supported me but took lumps for it.  To this day, if I say anything they don’t want to hear, they remind him of my “insensitivity.”

Well, SIL did adopt this child (Nephew1).  Then, she married a BIL1 who really didn’t want to raise Nephew1.  Nephew1 has lived in group homes the last 8 years (he’s 20 now) under state care on the other side of the country from SIL and BIL and their since born children.  FIL and MIL raise this as a “topic of concern” when SIL and BIL are not around.  I say as little as possible.  They want to know why I’m so distant. “Why doesn’t she like us?” they ask.

At last year’s New Year’s Dinner, SIL and BIL skipped the family dinner and went to a hotel to celebrate their anniversary.  MIL asked one of their children to call them to ask permission for something.  SIL yelled at MIL over the phone for interrupting her and her husband while they were having sex.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, FIL thought it appropriate to  relay the whole story to the rest of the family (me, DH, SIL and her husband AND SOME GRANDKIDS!).  Remember, this is FIL’s daughter he’s talking about!  What topic would he be willing to raise about a lowly daughter-in-law?!  I did not open my big mouth.  They asked DH why I was so quiet and not willing to engage with them. They asked if I was depressed.  Suggested I talk to someone.

When SIL2 and BIL2 aren’t around the “Topic of Concern” is BIL2’s temper.  They see MIL and FIL the most often and I think he just has to let off steam at times. For the most part, they agree wholeheartedly with MIL and FIL’s opinions on “Topics of Concern.”  It’s a little sickening.  Again, I try to say as little as possible. 

MIL, FIL, SIL and SIL2 repeatedly, together and separate, ask DH what my problem is.  They want to know why I don’t “open up” to them about the intricacies of my life. I’m just guessing, but I’m pretty sure when I’m not around, this a “Topic of Concern.” 

I try to chuckle about it sometimes but it affects DH.  This is his family – the people he knew his whole life.  He’s the oldest.  He wants his parents to be pleased with him.  He can’t win because I can’t win with them.  He’s a really good guy.  He wants to “do the right thing” but what is that in this situation?

Just last night, SIL2 told him over the phone that he doesn’t appreciate their parents enough.  She essentially said I have influenced him in his negative thoughts about MIL and FIL as grandparents (they’re very hands off and neither DH or I appreciate driving many hours to visit them only to have them say they’re off to a party or lecture or one of the other countless “adults only” events they go to).  We’re both fed up with MIL and FIL promising outings to the kids only for them to bow out and then we “make it up” to the kids with our own outing.  I do not say this to MIL, FIL, SIL or SIL2.  I keep my mouth shut.

Thank God we only see these people 3-4 times a year.   DH was upset after his SIL2 told him he’s too hard on MIL and FIL.  Apparently, I’ve been insensitive again.  I asked how.  I don’t “open to them.” They “feel” I’m distanced.  DH wants me to fix this.  Any advice?

Prepubescent SIL

I have six months old twins. My parents live half an hour away and my In-Laws live fifteen minutes away. I have an eight year old SIL who is obnoxious, rude, and an all-around-brat. She feels like she can yell at my babies when they spit their binky’s out or when they are crying too loud for her to hear her computer game. And no one says a thing! Her parents will sit right there and let her do it, and I don’t feel like I can yell at her because she’s not my child and I wouldn’t be respecting them if I did.

I let my boys stay over at my parents’ house often and stay nights sometimes too. They are very comfortable with them and I have two older sisters that still live at home to help them out if they need anything. My husband’s parents ALWAYS want to watch them and I don’t want them to since it causes problems between my husband and I when I tell him that I just don’t trust them with the babies or that they aren’t comfortable enough with them yet, or heaven forbid I say anything about is “angel sweet” sister, and how if his parents can’t watch their own eight year old, how am i supposed to trust them with my two six month olds??!!!!

Paybacks

It’s been relatively quiet here on the homefront since my inlaws stopped talking to me in Aug 08. My husband’s maternal grandmother passed away in October 07. In her will she allotted $5,000 to hubby AND me, $3,000 for my husband’s daughter and my son, but not my daughter (which I completely understand). MIL is the executrix to the will.

In November 2007, we were having some $$ problems and FIL wrote my hubby a cheque for $5,000, and said “it’s a gift. We have given your brother so much, this is the least we can do for you.” We never asked them for a penny!

So now the probate is done, and we get an email from MIL saying that we HAVE TO sign over the money we inherited to them to pay back FIL!  We were going to take the money and put $3,000 away for my daughter and split the extra $2,000 into education funds for our 3 children.

I knew they were petty and immature, but this takes the cake!

Bad Dream Wedding, Nightmare Honeymoon

We decided to get married 5 days before Christmas so that all of our foreign families could fly in and spend the wedding plus the holidays together. I was planning the wedding and my parents, his parents and us paid for it. MIL and FIL wanted something very lavish while my parents wanted something simpler because they don’t have the money. In-laws had been timely in delivering the money they had promised for the wedding until 3 days before when they were still missing 30% of what they had promised. I received a very rude call saying that they felt they should not give any more money than they had given because what they had put in was enough. So in 3 days I had to frantically meet with all the vendors, re-arrange and cut prices, and then find a way to come up with the missing money which my fiance and I and my mother forked over.
 
SIL graduated from college 3 days before our wedding and my in-laws prepared a lavish celebration and gave her an expensive mac book pro computer.
 
At our formal wedding his two sisters decided to give us a surprise…. One of them danced a Britney Spears routine wearing extremely skimpy clothes (some guests thought that we had hired a stripper!) and the other made a 30 minute video talking about her and her brother and how sad she was to lose him (no positive mention of the bride whatsoever).
 
Since my mother had to fork over the money that was missing, our Christmas was very modest. My parents had a lot of financial difficulty during December because they gave us all they had so that we could cover my in-law’s deficit. At Christmas we wanted to spend it with both sides of our families, and both dinners were scheduled at the same time: 9pm. FIL gave my husband a call saying that we were to be there at 10pm sharp or to not bother to even come. My family is very understanding and they gave us a big hug and told us not to worry, so I got to spend less than an hour with my family. Once we got to my in law’s house we found very lavish decorations with rented tables and linens and catered dinner, plus they had two bar attendants for 16 people, their gifts where very lavish for everyone. Pearl and Tiffanny necklaces and Wii’s for the aunts and nephews etc… 
 
My in-laws had told us 6 months before the wedding that their wedding gift would be a Honeymoon to Hawaii. We wanted to have it after the holidays and they set the date for January 4. Come January 3, they tell us that they couldn’t give us the honeymoon because they ran out of money. But were where very rude about it, saying that we had too much vacation (my husband works with his father) and that we should consider the holiday vacation as our honeymoon and should return to work immediately. So they left us with no honeymoon, no money or time to plan something smaller, and they were very rude about delivering the news blaming everything on us.
 
I am very scared of them and almost wish I hadn’t married into this selfish, manipulative and classless family. Am I over reacting??

ACHOOOoooo!

I’ve mentioned it before, but each Christmas, which is the only time of the year I spend more than 30 minutes in my MIL & FIL’s house, it bears repeating or else I’ll end up taking it out on my husband.

I have allergies to anything with hair, e.g. cats. My husband’s parents have two, both long hair.

Now my allergies aren’t just your sniffling, sneezing kind of allergies so for those who may feel inclined to tell me to take a benadryl and suck it up, that doesn’t work, but thanks for the assvice.

No, my allergic reaction is first the sniffling, sneezing followed by the wheezing because it triggers my asthma. Such severe asthma that I’ve had to have my husband take me to the ER on more than one occasion and has even earned me an overnight stay in the hospital.

I also took some allergy medicine to buy me some time, but within an hour of being at my in-laws, I was sneezing. My MIL asks me if I have a cold.

No, allergies, I replied.

Really? I didn’t know you had allergies.

All I could do is stare at her. She’s known me for almost 17 years. The one cat she has is one we gave her because no matter how many shots or how much medication I took, I just couldn’t have that cat in our own house and MIL willingly took her under her own wing.

How could she not know?!

Also, putting your animals outside or in the basement or in the bedroom does not alleviate the allergens already in the home. It drives me crazy when my SIL can’t understand why I keep having a reaction even though the cats are in another room.

What’s In A Name?

Alright, I’ve been meaning to get this one off my chest for a while now, but have to preface that my in-laws are most of the time “OK” people. They mean well, but at times FIL can be incredibly self-centered and rude.

It took my husband and me a long time and quite a bit of money to get pregnant. It was a difficult time for us filled with lots of disappointment (which my in-laws just didn’t get). During our final try of IVF we got lucky. I mean really, really, really lucky. We became pregnant with triplets. We were thrilled, but cautious. We knew that triplet pregnancies were high risk. We spent a lot of time preparing our families and friends for an almost inevitable NICU stay when the babies arrived.

Unfortunately I did end up getting very sick and delivered 2 and ½ months prematurely. Our babies were so tiny. They went straight to the NICU where we went through some very rocky moments including a 6:00 am phone call from the doctors telling us that one of our daughters was not doing well. A conventional ventilator was not enough. She had to be hooked to an oscillator, a very heavy duty vent causing her chest to vibrate rapidly- one of the scariest things I have ever witnessed. It was a horrible, horrible time. DH and I were terrified for the health of our children.

So when 2 days later the phone rang at 6:00 am again, I started to shake. I couldn’t breathe fearing the absolute worst. Thankfully it was not the doctors calling again, but instead my in-laws. My self-centered FIL called at 6:00 am while our sweet, less than a week old babies were still in danger to let us know how much he and MIL hatedour choice in middle names and how could we be so cruel to not name even one of the babies after them. Nope FIL didn’t even bother to ask how our precious babies were doing!

Yes my in-laws were more concerned about our babies’ names than our babies’ health. I should also mention that my in-laws didn’t bother to come visit the babies for almost a month. Why? Because they had a vacation planned and couldn’t be bothered to drive 3 hours (just 3 measly hours!) out of their way to meet their grandchildren and support their son during a very scary time. Did I also mention that these in-laws have one other grandchild and that grandchild is already named after my MIL? Later in the day when my DH was more alert, he left a message for FIL explaining how totally inappropriate his call had been and demanding an apology, but my FIL never bothered to  respond and DH and I were too occupied with more important things than to bring it up again.

It’s been almost 2 years and our three babies toddlers are doing absolutely fabulous. No health problems or developmental delays whatsoever! But I still get angry thinking about my idiot in-laws. I spent so much time finding very meaningful middle names for my children and now every time I say them aloud I am reminded of that ridiculous and hurtful early morning phone call!

Happy Thanksgiving

We drove 2 1/2 hours on the Friday after Thanksgiving to spend some time with my in-laws.  We got to their house at around 6 pm on Friday.  The next day we took the kids to a local historical/tourist place and spent more than half the day there having a great time. 

Oh, did I mention that the in-laws didn’t come with us? 

They weren’t even at their house until Saturday at 3 o’clock.  They had stayed Friday night at their cottage an hour away and spent Saturday morning shopping (instead of with their grand kids).  They knew we were at their house, they just didn’t bother to come home.  

We wanted to leave around 4 or 5 on Sunday due to the snow and heavy traffic.  About 15 minutes before we left my SIL, her husband and their two kids finally showed up because the was a “mis-communication” about time.  They live only 20 minutes away.  They said “are you leaving already?” like they forgot we have a 2 1/2 hour drive. 

I’m so glad we went.